


Need you so

by OrOranges



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Almost entirely a Carl/Rick fanfic, Anal Sex, Bottom Carl Grimes, Carl consents all throughout, Carl is a slut for Rick Dick, Carl is sixteen, Carl is underage, Daddy Kink, F/M, Father/Son Incest, It might make you uncomfortable and I'm sorr, Jessie Anderson is a needy bitch - Freeform, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rick Dick is Carl’s favorite flavor of anything - Freeform, Ron and Carl do become friends, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top Rick Grimes, Underage Sex, carl is a slut for Rick, daddy kink for those of you who like the daddy kink, implied Aaron/Daryl relationship, the walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-05-02 22:02:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrOranges/pseuds/OrOranges
Summary: It’s been a while after Noah’s death. Before the death Glenn and Maggie were expecting and still are. Rick and Jessie are now in a relationship. After Noah’s death, the whole group struggles to move on. The struggles reveal the group members true thoughts and emotions towards one another. Such as much Glenn hates Nicholas and what lengths he would go to get rid of Nicholas. Getting rid of Nicholas almost being the number one priority for Glenn. Aaron and Daryl being all cutesy and flirty on their scavenging days together outside the walls. Very clearly knowing that Aaron is dating Eric. Then there is Rick and Carl’s very intimate love for the other. The very real,rough, and intimate love for each other.





	1. Here now

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if the chapter is slightly slow, I’m still sort of new at this.  
> Comment what you think will happen or should happen or whatever but I hope you enjoy!

 

It all seemed so sudden.

One moment they were traveling, struggling, trying to find a safe haven, the next minute, they were spotted and saved by the Alexandrians, until the last breath Noah took.  
After Noah's death, the group grieved.  
Glenn was traumatized, constantly waking up in the middle of the night all sweaty after having a nightmare about his new friend, plus having to witness Noah's bloody and gruesome death.  
They had a brotherly bond until Nicholas took it all away. Maggie was constantly trying to comfort Tara, after all Tara and Noah were like best friends, almost siblings in some sense.  
Eugene didn't know what to do but try and help, even then he was as useless as a speck of dust. Abraham and Rosita were dealing with Eugene as if he were their kid, Carol and Daryl grieving in their own way. Daryl now has to deal with Beth's and Noah's death...they felt like his younger siblings. Ones he would look after better than his father and brother ever did or ever could.  
Carol hiding behind a mask of kindness and smiles. Baking for others and helping everyone else to hide the pain. She rarely knew the kid. But they were all family.  
Rick grew angrier and angrier at Deanna for not dealing with the situation. Thanks to Nicholas, every person from the group suffered.

After a week, no one stopped grieving, just yet. Glenn, Nicholas, and Abraham go out on a run, inviting Daryl but he refuses to go as long as Nicholas is with them.  
Carl on the other hand offers to go with them, "I'll take Daryl's place," he states excitedly.  
Glenn and Abraham give each other a 'not a good idea' glance, "No offense kid but you might as well go with the other kids over there, reading your comics..."Abraham points at Ron, Sam, and Enid, "or ask your father." Carl frowns since he knows his father won't let the boy go out without him anymore as long as Nicholas is involved and even without Rick himself. Tara comes by with a sack of weapons the guys will take, ruffles Carl's hair and he chuckles, he turns, and leaves.  
Bored, not knowing what to do, he would like to hang out with Ron but he knows something is up with Ron, just doesn't know what.  
He sees his father talking to Jessie, strolling by, away from her house and towards theirs. A knot forms in Carl's stomach and it hurts, metaphorically speaking.  
He doesn't know why he felt this certain way towards Rick but he knows why his stomached churned and he knows he didn't like it. Instead of heading to the house, he prefers to go over to Carol's.  
Michonne used to be the person who'd give Carl comic books and cheesy spray but not anymore, she was given a job to do and she wanted to feel like it was all normal again. No walkers banging and eating left and right.  
Carol however, found a bunch of comic books in the attic and decided to give them to Carl, he needed them most. He left the comics at Carol's because he didn't want to be interrupted by his father when he busted in on a pretty cool page. For example, Carl managed to get really into a comic where he truly felt like he was there until his father had burst through the door and suddenly and unfortunately, the fantasy was gone.  
Jessie and Rick could be heard laughing from the distance as Carl arrived at the porch of Carol's.  
It made Carl sick. Sort of, literally.  
Her never liked Jessie, not many of the group members did.  
He never liked seeing anyone else with Rick. He enters the house, knocking on the wood from the inside wanting to know if anyone else was there.  
No one.  
Glenn and Maggie were at the church in the community with father Gabriel while everyone else was with each other either walking, talking, cooking, or hanging out. Sometimes cracking jokes with one another, pretending that everything was back to normal.  
Carl walks to the stairs, getting more and more excited as he steps on each step just so he can read his comic once again. He hasn't had a chance after Noah...he simply couldn't, the last time he read his comic was with Noah.  
Ron wouldn't want to hang out with Carl but Noah would, they were around the same age until his death.  
He tugged the cord of the attic door and pulled the ladder down, then climbed the mahogany worn down wood.  
There he saw the two deerpark watterbottles, two unopened can peaches, and one comic book opened still there, untouched and covered in a light layer of dust. They left it this way so when they would come back, they would have food ready as well as know where they left off.  
Sighing, he sat on the cold dirty spot next to where Noah would usually sit.  
He misses his friend, "sorry Noah," apologizing because he's about to read the comic without his best friend. Carl lifted the book, hands trembling, flipped the shiny green comic book over and then out of nowhere, throws it across the attic.  
He stands, speed walks to it, and kicks it, then angrily stomping on it.  
Stomp.  
Stomp.  
Stomp.  
Kick.  
He falls to his knees, Carl couldn't get himself to read it without Noah. There was too much guilt going through his mind. Carl, besides Tara, was the one who convinced Noah to go on the run.  
Carl told Noah that it could be his way of being out there in the world after being in the hospital for such a long time. A year to be exact.  
He didn't have to do the job but he could have refused it and done another job that was more fit for him.  
Rather than picking up the comic, Carl  
just stares at it, hand balled up into fist and sits back down against the wall where he originally sat. He grabs another comic book from his stack and begins to read that, not bothering to open his can of peaches or water bottle.  
Tears slither down the teenager's soft light skinned cheeks, the tears fall onto the sticky old and faded page.  
Within the first three hours of Carl reading, the group is invited to another 'Welcome to Alexandria' party, welcoming a few new arrivals such as the red poncho man, and a mother and daughter who accompany him.  
Aaron was able to convince Daryl to go scouting with him the moment Daryl refused to go on a run. The red poncho guy was pretty hard to find, he disappeared a lot within the two hours until he was almost killed by three walkers and two Wolves, which he was saved from with he help from Daryl and Aaron.  
Two of the Wolves tried to kill the red poncho man but a walker bit one of them. Aaron was able to kill the walker but was attacked. Luckily Daryl was there and the red poncho man helped as much as he could. After slashing and shooting with a crossbow, two women were screaming for help when they were separated from their group,who are now dead or soon to be undead.  
"I'm gettin tired of this shit," Daryl mumbled to Aaron after saving all their lives with some help.  
"Agreed,"Aaron responded back with.

Rick went to talk to Deanna before the get together but Deanna kept trying to ignore him the best she could. Although most times, she succeeded but when she didn't...it was a storm but her storm is rare.  
"Deanna we need to talk," he followed her through the community, "what Nicholas did was unjust. You can't just ignore the situation," once again, Deanna ignores him, "he has no morals." Enough was enough.

"Morals. You want to talk about...morals," she eyes Rick, brows furrowed, "where did that hickey come from? A walker? A stick? A-a Jessie?" Rick's ears couldn't believe what he was hearing. How dare she judge him?

Before being interrupted, Rick managed to muster up a few words, "Now hold on a-"

"No Rick. We can't talk about someone else's morals or decisions when you're fucking a married woman with two or three kids- however many she has!" Fortunately for Rick, no one heard that since they're all getting ready for the get together. Unfortunately for him, they ended right in front of Rick's place which is right next door to Carol's.

"Deanna-" Rick jerks out. He feels attacked and rightfully so. In his mind he deserves being told off because dating a married woman with two children is worse than worst, even in an apocalyptic world.

Deanna sighs, she shakes her head with disappointment in herself, "Get your act together then maybe I'll see what I can do," is the last thing she comes to before she leaves Rick defeated and out in the open street in the closed community.  
He snarls at his own wrong doing, he ponders to himself while he enters the house.  
Jessie went back to her place to begin getting ready a while ago. Rick looks into the mirror, sort of cliche really. The first thing he says is, "Lori." He would never cheat under any circumstance but it's not like he'll be held at gunpoint and forced to date anyone. Nonetheless he would never be the person who is cheated with until now. There's a few people interested in Rick and he decides to bang a married woman with kids whose husband just so happens to be beating the living daylights out of her whenever he has the chance, "Lori I'm sorry," Rick has been done with grieving over Lori's death and his love for her is gone but he still feel's guilty because he has a child, a child he had conceived with the now late Lori, "am I failing Carl?"  
To Rick, Carl is the most important person and as he should be. But Carl isn't currently, Jessie is. See, Rick puts more attention on Jessie than anyone so far. To Rick, he feels as if he's failing his son.

Then, the get together starts, everyone goes except for Carl, Daryl, father Gabriel, and Rick.  
For now, Rick just ponders.


	2. What did you call me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After snatching three chocolate chip cookies, Carl goes back to his house next door. After doing so, Rick comes home and they get into an argument leading to other encounters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *there is sex between Rick and Carl
> 
> • sorry if there are spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes. It took a few days to edit this because of the EOC and Performance finals at school but also I needed a few days alone. But I tried to edit this as well as possible.
> 
>  
> 
> ••if you didn’t know by now, this is a Rick/Carl fanfic. Just a heads up because not a lot of people know that whenever they get into reading these types of fanfiction for some reason, I mean it says in the tags. Then again, I don’t always completely read the tags. So yeah.

Carl stands up, sighing. He walks to the entrance of the attic, closing the attic door without slamming it and breaking the ladder. As he's about to leave the house, he spots a pastel pink box, half open. On his way to the box, he can smell the fresh scent coming from it.  
He opens the box up, the sight and glory of small, thick chocolate chip chewy cookies overwhelm him to the point where Carl doesn't notice he squeals. He takes another minute to enjoy the sight and ultimately decides to take three.  
Entering his home next door, he smiles, believing to be alone. He hopes to surprise his father with one or two of the recently made cookies since there isn't much these days. Plus he's really like a way to talk to his father without feeling awkward since, well his feelings towards the man.  
Carl walks upstairs to the room he shares with his father, the soft velvet bed is still unmade with the matching colored, textured pillows laid out all over the bed but he doesn't pay much attention it.  
He places the cookies down on the counter next to his father's side. He looks at the bed once again, contemplating whether he should make the bed but it will only become undone once they go to sleep anyways. Annoyed because of how everything else is tidy except the mattress, he chooses to tidy up the bed, his goal is to make the bed as nice as possible.  
Once he finished, a crash can be heard from downstairs. Carl furrows his brows, squinting his eyes. He quickly opens a drawer from the bed table where he previously placed the cookies, in the drawer he grabs a knife.  
No one in Alexandria is allowed guns but Carl holds the kitchen knife hidden behind his back just in case. A loud "Shit," can be heard coming from downstairs.

It's Rick.

"Dad-"Rick turns around, hair messy, clothes half off, "I thought you were at the party." One of Carl's eyebrows raises, why is Rick being so weird today? He asked himself.  
Rick walks upstairs, passes Carl and into their room.  
"Deanna isn't going to exile Nicholas," Rick says angrily, opening a kitchen cabinet and then the refrigerator, slamming it. Slightly tilting his head, he smirks at Carl, " we don't have alcohol because it's all at the party and in inventory but it's locked." Rick knew Carl was going to ask if he were drunk, he reassures Carl he's not but clearly wishes he were. Why is he so obsessed with getting rid of Nicholas?

"Won't exiling him be just as bad as killing him?" Carl has a good point, Rick was just about to interrupt until Carl continues, "these people are weak, they could survive for a short amount of time out there in groups, but alone? Doubt it. Noah was murdered? Yes, he was but that doesn't mean Nicholas should be murdered as well."

"You just said so yourself, Carl. Nicholas is a murderer. He has to be punished," Rick takes a breath, "even if that means leaving him to die out there." Carl didn't like Rick's comeback. He felt like he had no say and he does have a say in this, even if he doesn't make the decisions but at least he can speak out about it.

"He doesn't have to be left out there, anything but that. You're killing a man for no good reason, dad." Carl raised his voice near the end. Rick isn't liking the attitude, "then again...you've killed others like Shane," Rick flinches at his son's response. The father's mouth gapes open, stunned and hurt. This stunned and hurt quickly turns into anger.

"No good reason? You're saying Noah isn't a good reason? He's just died and you want that to be in vain? He protected Beth! You! when it came down to it..." he took a deep breath and let it out, "You were best friends, where's your conscious at boy?" He gets closer to Carl, showing his anger a bit more. Carl hates when his dad tries to one-up him in arguments but he hates it, even more, when his dad knows he's going to win an argument.

"My conscious? You tell me," Carl steps closer. His tone of voice tells Rick that the boy knows about Jessie(a married woman) and Rick being a thing. Carl furrows his brows to seem more intimidating to his father but it's quite hard, "you're just as bad a Nicholas, Rick."

"What did you call me," Rick pushes Carl onto the bed. He kind of liked it but it didn't feel right. Carl needed something, some excitement while Rick also felt like he was missing something. Neither of them knowing what it was, "I am your father and you will respect me." He takes off his belt, "you know Carl, I've never hit you before and never dared to do so but you've crossed the line," Rick growls. The sexual tension finally revealing itself after the many times it had the chance.

"Are you mad I called you Rick? Huh, Rick?" He gives his father a glare. The man smirks, then chuckling.

"Turn around," Rick demands. Carl refuses, knowing how angry his father would get, and they're both getting quite excited. Their pants tightening and neither of them dares hide their excitement.  
Carl stands, pushes his father. They tackle each other, ending up on the bed, falling right on the middle, messing up the blankets. Carl feels Rick's hard on, knowing that they're both, the two of them take their shot. Rick groping his son's waist as Carl tries to lift the older man's shirt off, then taking his own off. Rick's cold hands cause to Carl shudder and moan as they sloppily kiss and hold on to each other.  Carl takes off his pants revealing the rest of his body, slim but toned and better than most would have at his age. Rick moans as Carl nips at his lips, the mix of moans, gasps, and movement heat up the air around them "Carl..."Rick moans out as the younger moves his hands around his father's hair, tugging and caressing.  
Rick places himself between Carl after removing the rest of their clothing. He rubs against Carl, at first it was calm until he realized he wanted Carl to come as hard as possible but he also wanted to take his time. Nonetheless, Rick picked up the pace. He rubbed himself against the teen, rapidly. Therefore, leaving no room for Carl to moan and only gasp for air as his breath hitches.  
Rick speeds up his pace and then slowing down, not wanting to cum too quickly. The precum running down each one tip flowing onto Carl's hole. Rick smirks, "I wanna teach you a lesson about respect," Rick teases him as he circles around Carl's hole, slowly inserting his index finger and then slipping it out, finally circling the hole with his dick.  
Rick inserts his middle finger, repeating the same process until Carl is wide enough to fit his father. He spits onto his palm, then rubbing his cock with his saliva, repeating his movements,  inserting himself into Carl at a leisurely pace. Carl moans, loudly, quickly his moans are muffled by his father's stiff hand, covering almost half his face. Rick then remembers that everyone else is at the get together except for a few people and that they aren't in the house with them. He slides his hands down, both giggling. Rick places his middle and index finger into Carl's mouth, "suck," Rick commands.  
Carl licks the fingers but doesn't suck, "Respect me. Now suck." Instead of fucking Carl slowly, he decides to fasten himself, he decides to make it hurt.  
Carl's punishment.

Carl moans loudly again, sucking Rick's fingers this time. Rick doesn't slow down, he remains at the pace he is now, fucking Carl fast and steady, causing the teen's hole to push the man out but Carl forces himself on Rick, he's always wanted this. Rick has always wanted this as well, both realizing that they are what they've always wanted.  
Carl has had many fantasies about a man but never knew who that man was until being fuck by Rick causing him to remember all his fantasies at once. All those faceless men in his fantasies were Rick.  
Fucking him relentlessly and never stopping even after they've both came.  
This is real now, Rick isn't showing signs of slowly and oh does Carl love it. The pain and pleasure mixing into one, it all seems too good to be true. Too good to be real but oh, is it real.  
Carl thought that maybe what's happening is one of his vivid fantasies but he pinches his thigh.  
He smiles.  
Rick bends overlaying his head in between Carl's neck and shoulder area. Rick's small gasps release warm air that hit Carl, making it all just a little bit better than it is for the both of them. Carl wraps his legs around the older man's waist, taking him in even more, while also digging his nails into Rick's back. Scratching the surface of the skin, "rick..." he moans. Rick snarls. The older man never thought he could love sex this much, he never thought lovemaking could be so aggressive and passionate at the same time. It's always been so vanilla for him until Carl came along.

"What was th-that boy?" Rick growls once again. Kissing Carl's lower neck, leaving a mark, "you're not cumming until I tell you too. Got that, Carl?"  
Rick says his son's name as a way of mocking him and punishing him at the same time, "I ain't Rick to you, boy." He rudely pinches the boy's cheeks with one hand, forcing his face to look at Rick's.  
Their foreheads touch, warm meeting cold. Sweaty greeting sweaty.  
Carl gasps for air, wanting more. "please, daddy." Carl's back arches as he almost cums but refuses to, "faster..." he wants this moment to continue for as long as possible. Rick, fucked Carl faster than before, his breath now hitching just like the teens.  
Rick never thought being called 'daddy' would be such a turn on even if it was coming from his actual son.  
He gasps, forces himself out of Carl, turns him around, and slams him down the soft bed. Carl is now facing the cushion of the bed as his hands are held behind him while Rick enters him. Continuously fucking Carl, angrily yet lovingly.  
He doesn't slow down or go faster, it's almost as if he never exited the boy, "Ri-daddy" Carl whines, he wants to hold Rick, wrap his legs around his father's waist but he can't and it hurts, yet it feels so great in the current position. Carl (loving every single moment) pushes himself more and more against his father's cock over and over again, coming in sync with his father, increasing their enjoyment. He wants all of Rick, so much, "more, pl-ease." Rick thrusts into Carl again, again, and again. Carl winces at the pain from the third thrust. Rick doesn't slow down, he continues thrusting, the boy's body takes it all. It feels overwhelming.

"Fuck, Carl!" Rick screams, he grabs the younger one's hair and pulls him up. Rick's right hand on the younger one's hair, caressing making sure to care for him. His left on the throat choking Carl, cautiously.  
Carl cries out, "rick!"  
His father leaves another mark on the other side of his lower neck. Almost identical. "Fuck, Carl," Rick snarls out while he slaps his son's ass, harshly, causing the boy to wince but this makes him push himself down harder onto Rick's cock.  
Carl forces himself off of Rick and turns around, still rock hard and with precum spilling from the both of them. Carl places himself on top of him, riding his father. Rick, supporting them by sitting on his knees and the soft bed helping out, Carl held onto him, tightly, scratching his back even more with his hand while the other is in the older man's hair, pulling it each time Rick rams into Carl's prostate. Carl wraps his legs around Rick once again, roughly riding him. Rick falls from his knees, now laying on the bed and Carl hips rise up, down, and roll around his father's cock.

"Feels good daddy," Carl grabs ahold of his father's hand which is on his neck, "so good," his other hand supporting himself to continue riding the older man. "Tighter.."Rick tightens his grip around the teen's neck, "so fucking good." Rick then aggressively slaps his ass cheek, finally, Carl feels himself about to cum but he holds back as soon as he saw a little spilling from him.  
He continues to ride Rick, holding all of his cum inside himself as much as possible, "remember what I said, boy." Rick is so close, he can feel it coming. He then wraps his hand around Carl's waist, gripping Carl's ass with the other. Rick moans loudly, slamming himself into Carl harder and faster than before.  
Carl's mouth is wide open now, gasping for air, his lungs can't take this. His body can't take this.  
The teen moans so loudly, you wouldn't be able to hear yourself think. "Feels good huh?"

"Y-yes Rick..."Carl replies, choking on his spit since he forgot how to swallow, "daddy, oh daddy!" Rick slams so hard into Carl, the boy's ass turned red almost immediately. As Rick cums, he continues to fuck Carl, slowly this time. Allowing himself to catch his breath. "Ric-daddy please?" Carl whines, to him it felt like his motor skills were gone for a moment. Rick nods and Carl finally releases his load, spilling all over the older man's chest. The man's cock still inside Carl, who continues to ride his father, slowly and gently. Only managing to move his ass up a little bit at a time to fuck Rick. Carl's hole feeling sensitive being pain and pleasure filled.  
Eventually, they both catch their breath even though Carl is still fucking Rick. Not wanting to stop, "so good," he whispers out, Rick closes his eyes and lowly moans, "want you so bad." He hit the spot once again with his father's cock that Carl spilled more cum onto his father's chest. Now laying on top of Rick, the sticky mess gluing the two together, neither one of them wanting to get up. Carl's cock and prostate feeling more sensitive than before.

"Good boy," rick quietly praising Carl whilst playing with the boy's hair, Carl mouths those two words to himself, inaudible. He closes his eyes, resting his hands on Rick's chest, this time taking notice of his son's warmth allowing Rick to take a deep but calming breath.  
Carl stares at the cold metal doorknob, tear stains on his cheeks. The tears aren't from the pain but from how overwhelming and aggressive his first time had just been. Carl's eyes travel to his hands tightly gripping onto the bedsheets. He loosens his grip, his hands trembling. He takes a deep breath, chuckles, finally closing his eyes.  
A smile can be seen on both of their faces.


	3. Just come to bed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Carl have sex, after which people come over and then some sad Carl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late. I’ve had a lot on my plate and I just finished editing chapter 3, 4, and 5. Yes there will be a 5th chapter and more. Reason is because I can’t resolve the entire fic with just four chapters like I thought I could. I hope you like this! Enjoy!

Carl opens his eyes some time later, he gazes at the man below him, tracing his sharp jawline with uncut nails and soft skin. He looks at the man's unshaven face, remembering what it looked like before he shaved. Remembering what it had looked like with stubble. Throughout all the running and fighting with walkers for almost a year, the man certainly lost more than few pounds and in return, gained muscle. He was already fit but now he's even more fit since he's gotten to his goal weight from before the apocalypse, plus now his jawline looks sharper than before.  
Prettier than before.  
Carl licks his lips, staring at the man’s lips and kind of hoping that Rick would wake up soon. Carl wants to look at the man’s pretty eyes.  
Carl lifts his body, revealing the dried cum stuck on their bodies, he giggles like a little boy who complimented his crush, blushing. He realizes the man's cock is still inside him since Carl feels a little generous at the moment, he decides to fuck the man again. Fully aware that Rick is awake and fine with it.  
Although Rick is fine with this, he’d prefer to be fucked awake by his son another day.

Carl raises his body slowly, steadily, quietly-just to be safe.

Rick rests his hands on Carl's legs, eyes still closed. He moans out his son's name while opening his eyes with a big grin, he looks up at Carl to ask, "had enough yet?" This sight of Carl above him causes Rick to harden again. _So pretty_ , Rick thinks to himself.

It seems as if Rick can’t get enough of Carl.

Carl can feel the cold cum inside him sloshing around while Rick's cock stiffens more. If Rick were to thrust even a little, it’d push the cum deeper and they knew that, so Rick did. Feeling the cold cum inside his son and pushing it to Carl’s spot (tickling Carl a little) turned Rick on more than he would probably ever admit to.

Rick looks to his left and sees the three cookies still laying there, "come on, let's shower before they get back." He knows the cookies will melt or will eventually become chewy if they're not put away properly but he likes the thought of Carl bringing him cookies. He thinks it can be their other dirty little secret-thing.  
Bring a cookie, have sex. Bring a lot of cookies, have a lot of sex. But they're just cookies, really delicious cookies and besides, Rick would never ask of his own son to do such a wonderful yet very distasteful idea.

It’d be like selling one of your own hookers to yourself.

He would practically be paying himself.  
In another world and in another time, he would do this but would feel terrible about it...another point is that he’d only get a percentage of the cash as well. Although Carl would gladly be up to the task, his father wouldn’t be up to just sell his son. Maybe keep him for himself. At this day and age, to Rick, a cookie could almost be used as a sort of currency for sex if used this way. Could be an apocalyptic trend if it wasn’t for Rick and Carl being the firsts to use it.  
Oh! How he wishes it could be their version of code words. Rick smiles, pulling himself in order to get deeper, in order to get that one gasp from Carl that told Rick, he’s his.  
Did he get it? For sure.  
Rick raises his son making sure Carl’s legs are wrapped around him so they can enter the shower. On their way to the shower, Carl won’t allow Rick to let go of him, it’s not like Rick would have let go of him anyway.

Carl can’t seem to get enough of his father.

The shower is turned on so while they wait for the water to warm up, Rick decides to toy with the boy's hair.  
Twirling it.  
Petting it.  
Kind of wishing his son’s hair was always this soft.  
Kissing the boy's freckled cheeks.  
Nipping at his neck and thrusting slowly as Carl moans into his father's neck, muffling his profound noises. The old cum acting as a sort of lube inside Carl, leaking little by little every time Rick would reposition just a little or each time he would thrust..  
After a few minutes of playing around, they notice that the running water will be as warm as it’ll ever possibly be in a community such as Alexandria in an apocalyptic world. The two share a kiss before enter the shower, the warm stream hitting Carl's back. Rick steadies their position with one hand on the wall and the other on Carl's Adonis belt. Carl tightly wraps his lean, toned arms around Rick's neck and shoulder's. His legs -albeit tired- hang loose around the man's waist, mercilessly fucking himself with his father's twitching cock.  
Rick gasps.  
“Carl...should we-” his breath hitches, “stop?”

“daddy I-“Carl responds, biting his lip. Rick has just hit Carl’s prostate.  
Carl squirms. _More, please._  
He tells Rick that he can stop anytime and low key not wanting him to stop but Rick refuses no matter how big a deal he knows he’ll make it out to be.  
Rick knows it’s wrong and he should have stopped.  
He knows it’s bad. It’s his son he’s banging for crying out loud!  
He knows someone could find out at any moment.  
He knows but he just doesn’t want to care.

Rick loudly moans into his son's ear, the vibrations sending Carl into shivering loud groaning mess. _**Fuck**_ , Rick thought.  
Their noises echo throughout the bathroom and out into the bedroom if it wasn't for the locked bedroom door and the thick walls, the moans would have seeped out to the whole upstairs. Maybe even downstairs if it wasn't for Carl muffling his moans onto his father's neck.

"Fuck!" the son screams, his eyes rolling back, "I can't take this anymore," the boy's body tenses as he cums, his body quivering at each pulse from his own dick, quivering at each thrust that Rick allows Carl to give himself. He’s done for but his father isn’t. Rick quickly takes control of the situation as he grabs ahold of his son's waist, slamming himself in and out as Carl cries out his father's name with overwhelming pleasure, craving for more. _Please, Rick. More!_  
Rick leans against the wall of the shower, spilling into his son's hole, fucking him as if neither of them didn't just cum. Finally becoming a groaning mess like Carl, he pulls out allowing for the more recent and old cum to slide out together. Sliding down to the back of Carl's thigh, onto Rick's leg, and into the drain where it mixes in with the lukewarm water. Rick places the quivering Carl down, who can’t manage to stand up correctly and needing a bit of help from Rick.  
Once Carl can hold his own, he turns to face the stream, grabbing the last of the shampoo left from the bottle. They look at the small amount and opt to share it between the two as best they can.  
After they agreed on sharing the shampoo, Rick changed his mind about sharing. Instead of using his portion on himself, he decides to use both of their portions on Carl. Rick rubs it into Carl's hair, massaging the boy's head. The man decided that Carl needed it most, offending him and boy was Rick right. Although Carl had smelled worse, they're in Alexandria now, not the woods fending for themselves and each other. Outside Alexandria, it makes sense if Carl smelled terrible but now that they’re in a community where everyone has shampoo and almost expired deodorant, Carl should smell at least decent. He crosses his arms together at the comment his father made, fortunately for Rick, Carl makes the choice to get mad about it later. So at the moment, the boy prefers to stay positive and enjoy the moment he has with the older man. His father hugs him from behind, kissing his neck. Carl leans his head back letting the drizzle hit his face. Rick smirks, turning the boy around to kiss him properly. Carl looks up smiling at the man above him.  
He gazes into his father's blue eyes, trailing down to chapped lips. Carl smooches a little kiss on the man's lips, the man grabbing ahold of his son, both of them chuckling over what had just happened, "Thank God you already had cum inside you in the shower, huh?"

Carl nods in agreement replying with, “damn water.”

As they finish up, Rick gives a little kiss onto Carl's shoulder and gazes at the love marks he gave his son, the man then kisses the marks and the boy lowly moans, “so pretty like this…” he tells his son. Carl is currently wishing he could stay like this with him. Rick is wishing he wasn’t so vanilla with Carl during sex, he believes he can do better for his son.

Carl is the first one to get out, he puts on one of his sweatshirts he found when he went on a run with Daryl and Glenn.  
At least the sweatshirt covers the marks, which are his and Rick's little secret, although that little secret is much bigger and riskier.  
Carl's lays on the bed and sees spots of dried up cum, nothing noticeable if you came in the room only to then leave immediately. They might still be noticeable if someone paid attention to a bed in someone else’s room but who would know that it was from them two? To Carl the cum stains are noticeable because well, they're theirs when Carl was overflowing with cum in his hole. He still has some lodged inside of him but he isn’t complaining.

Carl remakes the bed to the way it was before it became messy again. He hopes to change the sheets later so they don’t have to avoid the wet spots along with the dried spots. Before leaving the room he looks at the cookies and questions whether or not he should eat one.  
He ultimately decides not to, realizing he just wasted a perfectly good batch of cookies. He’ll just let Rick eat them, that is if he does eat them.  
While he's just there in the room, he waits for Rick to finish but knowing his own father, he knows that Rick takes much much longer than the average person.  
Although Carl remembers this much too late because he's wasted ten minutes just for his father to finish up washing his hair with conditioner.  
A loud banging of the door can be heard from downstairs, therefore Carl puts on an old pair of jeans he also found on a run to investigate the noise. While downstairs, he is greeted by Michonne, Jessie, and Carol at the door. They come in asking all sorts of questions, well only Jessie asking the so-called “serious" questions.  
Michonne just wonders if everything's alright but she very well knows everything is alright.  
Michonne just likes to check in on the two every now and then.  
It's rick and Carl, they'll be alright as long as the group is alright.

Carol asks Carl if he took some of the cookies, he does admit to it pretty shamelessly. She pulls him to the side as Jessie speaks to Michonne about a hairdo she can give her since Michonne wants something new but also trying to get to know each other. By doing so, they exchange their stories from before the dead had come knocking.

Carol speaks jokingly, "You owe me," and they share a laugh until she wasn't joking so much anymore, "no really, I'm only allowed one bar of chocolate and now you're going to helping me make them along with Sam." She laughs again, without Carl this time.

"I don't think Sam likes me..."   
he mumbles.

Carol almost asked what it was he said until it processed in her mind,  
"Why is that?"

Carl doesn't want to reply but he does so anyways, almost as if he lost control of his bodily functions, "Ron doesn't seem to like me, ever since Enid and I have been becoming close," in the corner of their eyes Jessie can be seen sighing, overhearing Carl and Carol's conversation but trying to ignore their talk, "Now Sam stays away from me," Carol snorts at the teen’s statement. Carl shoots her a look putting a stop to her laughter.

Carol is like a mother figure to Carl, more of a mother figure to the entire group to be completely honest. Lori of course was his mother but she always made things about herself. Sometimes she would bring Shane over whenever Rick was on duty. Shane and Rick were “best” buddies but clearly, that didn't matter to Shane. As long as he got some ass, no marriage was safe. Carl knew about the ongoing affair, but he never had the guts to do anything about it and when he did, Shane would manipulate him.  
With Shane, no one was safe.  
Shane has never wanted to hurt Carl and never intentionally would but he has gotten close to hurting him. Not in a sexual manner but if Shane had the chance, he probably wouldn’t step down if it meant getting what he wanted. That’s just the kind of man he is no matter what his job said was right or wrong. Besides Carl is of age in Georgia but that still didn’t mean much. If anything Shane would have gotten a paid suspension with his manipulation skills. Hell the judge would even let him go Scot-free if Shane were to show off one of his sly smiles. He could claim Carl would have wanted it, asked for it, begged for it! And Shane would still gotten off with a slap on the wrist. That’s just the type of guy he is. Well, was.

Jessie is like Lori, sort of worse. She has tried to get close to Carl but he makes it very clear that he doesn't like Jessie. Although she really wants to get close to Carl, she doesn't know why Carl despises her. To him, Carol is more than enough. He would never call her mom or consider her an actual mom but rather just the mom in a friend ground, almost everyone in the group looks to Carol as a mother figure, "Carl, he doesn't hate you and neither does Ron. Ron is jealous because he most likely likes Enid. I mean have you seen the way he looks at that kid?" She chuckles, "Sam is at an impressionable age, he'll believe whatever his brother tells him. Don't worry, I'll talk to Sam." Carl thanks her and for the cookies.  
Rick, assuming it's just him and Carl, walks down the stairs in only pajama pants and no shirt or underwear, hoping to have sex on the couch.  
Once again, Rick just can’t seem to get enough of Carl.  
On the way down he takes a bite of the second cookie, finishing it. He also hears voices coming from Michonne and Jessie. He slows his happy little self, walking backwards up the stairs, trying not to get seen by the women. Hoping he’ll be able to put on some underwear at least. On the way back up, one of the stairs creeks, Rick closes his eyes and sighs. He walks back downstairs, realizing that there’s no turning back now.Jessie looks up smiling and coming towards rick and hugs him but he doesn't return the favor.

He’s frustrated.

"Hug me, silly," so he does as told. He spots Carl talking to Carol, hearing them about some comic books left in an attic. Jessie asks him if they can do their thing later. Rick doesn’t respond, he didn’t want to. He was kind of hoping to keep doing his and Carl’s thing. Maybe rough? Passionate? Who knows.  
“Rick…”   
she repeats, “hello?” Her voice getting louder.  
Rick then pats Jessie on the back, "What was that for?" Jessie is...upset.  
Rick looks confused and annoyed, well because he is. Jessie is clingy, always needing something whether it’s from Pete or Rick. Like a damsel in distress. She can’t seem to make up her mind.  
She notices rick is staring at Carl, "kid's growing up, huh?" Jessie is a little unsettled, not knowing why. Almost as if she can feel something in the air but chooses to not acknowledge it.

“He sure is,“ he says smirking, "Just wanna protect him," but also fuck him relentlessly over and over and over again until they both lose their eyesight temporarily or all bodily functions altogether, "He's only sixteen...I want to see him turn eighteen one day."  
Carl will probably be taller than Rick by the time he turns eighteen. Maybe the group will be okay with them but what is he thinking? There’s absolutely **no way** the group will ever be okay with them being a thing!

"Hopefully we’ll see our boy's turn eighteen together," Jessie rubs Rick's back in a circular motion. Rick leans away from Jessie- her hand falling flatly to her side.  
She frowns, showing her disappointment quite obviously. She’s more than upset, she’s distraught.

An irritated Rick takes note of her reaction yet doesn’t apologize immediately.  
He waits. He feels nothing for Jessie, at least that’s what he thinks to be true and maybe it is but at the moment, Rick is all about Carl.  
He apologizes only after Jessie makes her distraught mood and annoying presence much more noticeable as if it weren’t already.  
They gaze into each other’s eyes, Jessie looking into Rick’s breathtaking blue eyes.  
Rick also searching for something in Jessie’s eyes, feeling as if he’s missing something.

Furrowing his eyes after he realizes that what he has been missing was a connection, he doesn't share one with Jessie- just like he never had a proper connection with Lori.  
Well, he did love her in some form but never felt her to be his heart’s desire.  
Like Lori, he loved her but like most relationships, the love eventually fades.  
It’s inevitable.  
The two would argue over the smallest things and she would cheat on him with Shane multiple times. The only reason they stayed together was to keep Carl from knowing what was really going on and yet Carl somehow always knew. He would see Shane and Lori together at times even while Rick was still in the house. Shane was never a good friend to Rick but the next day at work the two would act as if nothing had happened. The two would go out to eat and talk about their days. The pair would also do their job together, pat each other on the back, joke around together and pretend as if none of that was hurting Rick. Slowly killing him.  
At some point, Rick knew he stopped loving Lori but for Carl’s sake, he kept up the act.  
Rick is the first to break eye contact after the thirty seconds of gazing into each other’s eyes. Jessie laughs it off, she knows their relationship is going it shit, just like her relationship with Pete (which has been going down the drain), at this point Jessie is desperate for Rick’s affection. After all, he gives her what Pete can never give...but what exactly is _it_?

Carol, remembering that it is very late and that almost no one in the community sleeps this late even after a get-together, interrupts the tension in the air by telling them all goodnight and Michonne goes with her since they decided to have a sleep over every week as long as they're in Alexandria starting today. "Michonne, DON’T take your sword," Carol states.  
Although they have been with each other in a group for quite some time, they never had the chance to get to know each other. They told each other that they’d like to become friends and that they did.  
"Fine but we are going straight to sleep, I can't take another one of her stories," Jessie laughs at their comments, not taking note of Michonne’s seriousness.

Jessie faces Rick, reaching out to hold his hand. Rick can feel Carl's eyes on him. Rick refused Jessie’s hand but she doesn’t care about Rick’s refusal because she ends up holding his hand anyway whether he wants to or not...  
Jessie then kisses Rick on the lips, closing her eyes and he lets it happen, he doesn't kiss back nor does he close his eyes, he just lets it happen. At the corner of his eye he can see Carl, who was waiting for Jessie to go away so they can have their time together but after witnessing them kiss, he walks away.  
Rick sees him walk away and frowns, "something wrong?" Jessie asks, in return Rick says no. She laughs it off,"hope not. You know...I'm glad we're together..."she smiles. Luckily for Rick, Pete doesn't know of this affair. If he did, who knows what would have happened.  
Rick sighs before replying. He knows he’s not glad they’re together, he wants to break it off with Jessie but Jessie will make it too much of a big deal than it already is. She would most likely walk out into the street and start screaming at Rick.  
Or maybe move on without making a scene?  
He kisses her this time, “Me too."  
After she leaves, he walks upstairs hoping to at least hug Carl until they actually fall asleep. Maybe just a peck on the cheek? Late night sex is not an option that’s on the table at the moment after what Carl has witnessed between Rick and Jessie.  
Opening the door, Rick asks if Carl is alright, seeing that his son is facing away from him. Rick closes the door behind him, asking again.

“Yeah,” Rick is glad to hear this from Carl. Maybe if it were the truth, he would be happier but ‘yeah’ is enough?

“Carl?” Rick gulps, “I’m thinking of breaking it off with Jessie...” his son doesn’t respond. He sighs instead, trying to make himself comfortable on the bed since the pillows are pretty stiff, “thought to let you know.” Rick isn’t sure what else to say. Be more truthful? Or say nothing and go straight to sleep? Or maybe ask for more sex? Of course not, asking for more is just rude now. _How could I ask for more when my son just witnessed me kiss someone else other than him._ There’s something he never thought he would think or say. There’s always something new for everyone, “Carl, what do you think?” _What a stupid question. Why did I ask??? Just break it off you dumbass, is what Carl would say?_

 

Carl softly voices out, “Just, come to bed.”  
Not what either of them expected Carl to say.


	4. Only want you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are spelling/grammar mistakes. I triple checked and if I didn’t catch something, please tell me.
> 
> By the way, I’m so sorry if this is crappy and not what you expected. If you don’t like this chapter, I’m so sorry. I’m currently fixing the other chapters so they are good and hopefully not as crappy as this one hah!

In the late morning, Carl wakes up. He doesn’t get up or do anything really, he just lays on the bed with his lower half of his body underneath Rick’s leg. Suddenly now that they’re a thing (secretly) Rick seems to have gotten very comfortable, oddly enough. Carl is fine with it, he guesses but he doesn’t like Jessie. If he could throw her to a pair of walkers he probably would. What can he say? He’s the jealous type. He wouldn’t actually do it, he’s no Shane but he’s allowed to think about it. Rick shuffles in his sleep with the tiniest bit of drool coming out of his mouth. Carl could get used to the warmth of Rick but he’d rather not, it’s better this way.  
Carl thinks that if he and his dad weren’t together, maybe Carl could date Enid. He still likes her, sort of. _Are we a thing?_  
Rick has never said anything, sure he’s fucked him and yeah sure they’ve kissed but it was never official that they’re together.  
For all Carl knows, Carl is just a fuck buddy to his own father. _Not cool._  
Suddenly, Carl is pissed off. He could wait to ask as soon as Rick wakes up but knowing his father, he would most likely dodge the question until the most dramatic time to answer and he doesn’t do on purpose either. It’s like the universe just seems to like it that way.  
Carl pushes Rick’s leg off, not caring where it landed. He looks in the bathroom mirror, pulling his shirt at random spots to look at his hickies, _pretty?_ He looks at the area between the neck and his shoulders, the part that the sweater covers. He stares in awe. _pretty_. He slams his palms on the counter. _What the fuck? What have I got to lose, just fucking ask him! It’s not that hard_. He can’t seen to make up his mind.  
Wouldn’t it be hard for anyone if they were banging it out with their dad? Think about how awkward it would be? That’s how Carl feels. “Carl?” Rick calls out with a raspy voice, he looks around, “Carl, you there?” getting no respond and ultimately gives up, thinking that Carl left the house and went to hang out with Enid or Carol but most likely Jesus. He hopes not Jesus, Rick knows when his son has a crush and Carl did form one with Jesus, he found it funny and cute at first but now that Rick is with Carl, he doesn’t find it so funny anymore. Question is, does he know Carl has a crush on Enid? What the hell man, _I had the chance! Why didn’t I ask??_ Probably because Rick just woke up, he wouldn’t want to be bothered. Carl just got lucky because he used the bathroom outside the bedroom. It was better than waking up Rick. Carl walks downstairs, pacing whether he should leave the house and go hang out with Enid or if he should stay and be with his father for another fuck session.  
He comes to a decision.  
He leaves the house, he doesn't want to be treated like a sex doll. He never knew what one was until he saw one out in the street when he was younger, it was spray painted with ‘beware’ to scare people away from the nearby campsite. The doll weirded anyone out so it worked, it just didn’t scare anyone. So the people at the campsite did end up dying at some point…anyway, Carl leaves the house only to stop at the edge of the steps. He can’t leave the area. He sighs, shaking his head. He walks back inside, storming off into the kitchen. He looks for something to eat in anger, he can’t find anything besides yogurt. _How am I supposed to look angry while eating yogurt? I’ll look stupid._  
He did eat it anyway, he was hungry.  
Maybe that’s why he couldn’t leave. He hears footsteps coming from the mid section of the stairs get closer. Carl leaves the spoon in the sink, taking his yogurt with him to escape the pending question in his mind. He thought he was over it.  
He goes the wrong way after deciding which door to take, he runs into Rick’s chest. “Where are you off to at this hour huh?” Rick teases. Carl shows off how his uncomfortableness, creating the vibe that surrounds him. Rick can feel it so he leaves his son alone but he wants to know why Carl is acting so stiff, if that’s how one can explain Carl at the moment.  
How is it that teenagers can make actions become moods? Even in an apocalyptic world. Carl looks to the floor, in search of something, most likely his dignity but that’s just Carl being Carl.

“Carl, something up?” Rick presses. Carl has never felt so uncomfortable in his life. The last time he felt uncomfortable was when they weren’t in Alexandria. The day where Rick tore into a man’s throat walker style. The day where a group threatened to rape Carl. After that day, Carl felt dirty and gross. He didn’t know what to do or how to react or really anything. He felt scared. He hated that day. He’ll think about it at times, involuntarily, of course, the thought can be triggered or it can just happen but it’s rare. Sometimes he’ll think back on it on purpose so he can see how much stronger he has become. How much he can handle, how he’s become better. He used what almost happened to better himself so it wouldn’t happen, ever. So he can look back on that day and tell himself that there was no reason to feel dirty, scared, yeah but he got through it. That if it does happen, he knows he’ll get through it. He’s never felt uncomfortable again until this moment with his father, it’s not right to compare but it’s not comparing. If anything Carl is just looking back (involuntarily) on the day he felt uncomfortable, the days he felt that way after. It’s been a very long time. _Carl just tell me..._ Rick thinks again.

“Nothin’s up.” He does that little smile he always did whenever something was going on. The smile where he would crinkle up his nose, like a spy reporting back to his captain, spilling secrets.  
Rick can see right through Carl. _I need to get out of here_. Carl’s heart begins to race. He doesn’t feel scared, because he’s not. He’s just nervous. The question he wanted to ask led him to a lot of trouble in his mind. Like if he asks his question, his whole world will crumble to pieces with nothing left. Even though it’s just a simple question. He really hoped Rick doesn’t go into one of his monologues he does. Carl just hoped Rick will just say yes or no. _Just tell him_.  
Rick nods his head after a few seconds of waiting for another response, turning mid way, Carl speaks, “hey dad?”

“Yes son?” Teasing Carl, making Carl cringe. Rick can tell, he didn’t mean to make him cringe. The reality of fucking his own father comes whenever he’s called son. He wonders what it’s like for Rick.

“A-are” he struggled, playing it off as not being able to swallow his yogurt well, “we running out of yogurt?” Damn. I’m screwed.

“I checked the fridge last night while you slept, there’s enough for at least a week. Why?” Rick furrows his brow, wanting the real question.

“No reason,” he thought too much. _Why did I overthink? Why didn’t I just ask?_ Internally, Carl feels like death, fighting himself to just ask a simple question. It’s tiring. Rick comes closer to his son, the boy slowly walking backwards playing it off as throwing his finished yogurt away.  
He’s nervous. _I can’t get close or I’ll burst the question out! Please rick just know what I’m trying to ask._  
Rick has always been confident, he’s had his moments and awkward ones too but he’s never experienced what Carl is experiencing. Overthinking a simple question. Worrying that it’ll ruin everything. Overthinking the answer. Wanting the person to just know what he wants to say.  
But Rick has simply gone through it all smoothly with not a thing to worry about. So thinking Carl was struggling with himself was out the window a long time ago. Struggling with a question was like eating cheesecake, you think about and eat it. As for the question, you think about it and say it. Simple.  
But it’s not that simple. Not to Carl.  
As Rick comes closer, Carl begins to panic inside. He wants what’s going to happen, he just doesn’t want the question to leave his mouth without warning. Ultimately he holds his breath, Rick’s lips come in contact with Carl’s forehead.

“Geez, what’s up with you today?” Rick ruffles up Carl’s hair, “I’ll see you later okay,” he gives Carl a wink.

Why didn’t I just ask? Carl whines to himself. Rick leaves the house to meet up with Deanna. “It’s so easy for you…”

Rick walks along Deanna, wondering how to spark up a conversation, “I’ve cleaned up my act.”

“Is that so?” She place hands behind her back, “ **who** are you fooling around with now then?” Rick is in shock. He doesn’t know how to respond, he fumbles with his words.

“What are you talking about?” He clears his throat.

“It’s a joke,” she scoffs, “relax. I have new plans for Alexandria but first how did you clean up your act.” She put air quotes around clean up to point fun at Rick.  
They get a laugh out of it, Rick’s heart calming down after realizing it was just a joke but the way she had phrased and said her ‘joke’ surely made Rick panic.

“Well, she came over last night and she kissed me-“ Deanna shoots Rick a stare, “BUT, she went home. I’m thinking of breaking up with her.” Rick says the words almost like he’s asking for Deanna’s permission.

“That’s not cleaning up your act. Pete and Jessie are going through a tough time, I might exile Pete but Rick, you can do better. What happens when you get exposed for banging with Jessie while she’s with Pete?” She pauses for Rick to think, “What happens? I’ll tell you what. Your actions reflect on your group. You’re the damn leader, do something right for God’s sake.” She has a point, vague but there.

“You’re right. I’ve been thinking about myself too much,” he pauses but then doesn’t continue. Deanna suggests Rick doesn’t have to stop seeing Jessie, just that she wanted Rick to reflect on what he has been doing. But that it’s best to not see her as well. He agrees and decides to pay Jessie a little visit.  
Deanna asks where he was going, he doesn’t respond but Deanna already knows.

As for Carl, he waits patiently on the bed. Hoping his dad will come back and just fuck the daylights out of him to the point where he forgets his question. _That’ll never happen_. He makes up bis mind, he’s not telling Rick. Not asking. Not doing anything. He’s simply going to be his fuck buddy and that’s final no matter how much it hurts physically or emotionally.  
_What am I doing?_  
He’s made up his mind.

He waits.  
Waits.  
Nothing.  
There’s nothing to do or wait for until later in the day. Carl realizes that there’s no point in waiting for a few long hours only to not say anything. Instead he leaves the house but stays stuck on the edge of the house steps, again.  
Why can’t he leave? Well, he doesn’t want to. He feels as if he’ll bump into Rick by chance and just burst.  
He took a deep breath and stepped away from the house.

He spots Enid at the church, helping Sam make mud pies after it has rained after the get together, "hey Enid," he nervously reveals himself from behind the bright beautiful lemon tree.

"Hey Carl," she giggles, "you know I saw you, lemon trees are really small," Carl laughs at his awkwardness not really finding her joke to be anything but funny.  
Carl stands there, not knowing what to say or do. He gently swings his body back in forth full of boredom. Why did I come out here?  
"You know, Ron doesn't like you," with this being said, Carl freezes, Enid is so...what's the word, brazen. Blunt much?  
Similar but what can he say? Boy has a type.  
"He has this huge crush on me and he's afraid you'll sweep me off my feet and carry me onto the sunset." She laughs, "I mean...I wouldn't mind, you know, you being my Prince Charming and all but no thanks. I'd rather have friends than a boyfriend."

  
This actually made Carl laugh but only a little bit. “Why tell me this?”

“Because I don’t want Ron to be the one sweeping me off my feet.” She blushes.

Cool...How was Carl supposed to act?  
Happy? Excited? Thrilled? “Ah, ha...that’s funny. You’re funny,” Carl responds. Enid shrugs it off.

“I’m going behind the walls, wanna come with?” She seems eager for Carl to join.

“When?” Carl would like to, he’d want to go with Rick, maybe on a run but with Enid is okay too. After all he does have a tiny crush on her.

“Tonight, it’s gonna be great at night. Laying on the grass looking at the stars.” She holds out her hand for Carl to pull her up. He does so, she holds onto his hand, taking him to the wall, “this wall-it’s well, dumb.” Carl is shocked to hear these words, “I get they protect but for how long? Eventually the walkers will flow in and tons of people will die. It’s just what happens.” Carl’s eyes sadden, “it’s inevitable.”

“You can’t go out alone what if you get bit?” Of course it’s inevitable but she could at least try to survive.

“Then I get bit,” blunt. Carl bites his lip and agrees to go with Enid outside the wall. In the distance they spot Rick and Daryl who are walking to the gates.They walk towards them, Carl forgetting about him and Rick being a thing, then again, he doesn’t know if it’s official.

"Rick, Glenn and that ass Nicholas shouldn't go on runs together, even with others around," Rick ignores Daryl, "it's not safe!" Rick ignores him again, "ain’t you listening??"

They stop.

"Yeah, I am listening. Look if he shouldn't go, then he won't go. Simple as that. Go on and tell them but make sure Nicholas is out of Glenn's way if they go together anyway." Rick looks around whenever he speaks, kind of like a habit. Daryl smirks.

"Fine, suit yourself," Daryl shakes his head with disappointment, "it's on you if somethin' happens," he blatantly points out. Rick has been dealing with so much already: making sure Glenn is alive, making sure Nicholas doesn't kill anyone, getting Deanna to resolve the issue, sex with Jessie, and sex with his son. Where is Carl by the way?  
.  
Could Carl be in the bed again?  
Moaning...screaming his name..  
screwing himself to the thought of Rick.  
He changes his thoughts to something else but he isn't sure what. He looks around and sees Enid and Carl talking walking up to him. “Carl?” Sounding kind of hurt and confused but also confident.

“Hey dad!” Carl had almost forgotten what he and his father did the night before. His eyes betray him, showing love towards Enid but not Rick.

“What’s this?”  Rick clears his throat, before Carl can respond, Enid inserts herself into the conversation.

“It’s nothing. I asked for his hand and I haven’t decided if I should let go or not. Don’t worry, nothings happening.” She pats Carl on the back.  
Carl would love to see himself get spanked or even get denied being able to cum as punishment but he doesn’t think that will happen. But being pat on the back is one thing he does not like, damn Jessie ruined being pat on the back. Patting Rick on the back like he’s a dog. Carl’s anger brings to show until he remembers that he’s not alone.

“We’re just going to the house dad, nothing weird okay?” Carl promised.

“Sure, sure...er, well go on. Have fun I suppose.” Real dad like huh? He gulps. _What the hell?_

Rick spots Sasha talking to Abraham, Rick goes up to them, they insert him into the conversation. Leading up to a chatty game they made up.  
Carl on the way to the house is questioned by End, “what do you mean by weird,” she knows, she just loves making a fool out of Carl, “you know, like sex?”  
Carl trips over a small rock, asking how it got there and nervously laughing.

 _No sex please, not from you_. He tells himself.

They arrive at the house and enter, Enid is quick and she places herself on the couch. Carl prefers not to do anything sexual or remotely romantic with Enid no matter how much he would like to. He brings out a board game he found in Carol’s attic one day. They don't have the instructions but they pretend to know what they're doing. While playing, neither of them speak, Enid tries to figure out the game but Carl keeps thinking about Rick.  
His thoughts cloud up with one main thought: it was a one(okay two) time thing. It wont happen again, right?

To Carl, it was never going to become a relationship because his dad has morals, he does too but his dad is a leader, the leader of the group. Although he would love to begin a relationship with Rick, he believes it will never go anywhere. Besides would Rick make it official to him?

He remembers what they did the night before, how dominant and aggressive they Rick was, how good it all felt. How overwhelming it all was. He wishes he could go back to the night before when everyone was at the get-together, he and Rick could fuck as rough as possible. As loud as possible. He wishes he could go back to the moments before Jessie showed up at the house. Carl doubts it'll happen again. _Fuck just fuck me again Rick. I don’t care if I’m just a fuck buddy, just let me be the only one. The only fuck buddy._ Carl begins to pant. Not anything serious, just his thoughts controlling him to get Rick in the house, get Enid out and quick.  
Enid doesn’t pay attention to Carl, she’s too focused on the game. Carl wants to give it a shot with Enid but maybe he lists wants a way out with Rick since Rick is his dad. Maybe if Carl date’s Enid, it’ll seem like his encounter with Rick was a mistake and would be forgotten and everything would be back to normal. Normal meaning the way it was before they fucked.  
Enid snaps out of her trance on figuring out the game. "I give up, I think I'm just gonna help Sam make mud pies again," she stands, picks up her coat and continues, "you coming?"

Carl takes a minute to think, "nah. I think I'll just keep playing-or trying to play." Enid laughs at the joke, grabs her dirty muddy shoes but before leaving, Carl pops the big question, “hey do you think, you want to be my-“

“Sure,” that was quick. Too eager as well.  
She comes closer to Carl, humming in his ear. She kisses his cheek, waves goodbye and leaves out the door all giddy.  
 Carl goes upstairs, taking the board game with him, "I miss you Rick." He mumbles out, not realizing what he said until he reached the top of the stairs. He surprised himself for the first time in a while.  
He sighs, still believing it was a two time thing, he walks into the bedroom he shares with his father, looks at the table next to the bed and sees that the cookies are gone. He smiles a little bit it quickly turns into a frown as he takes his clothes off. He feels dirty and he knows he shouldn’t but he does.  
He just asked out a person he’s had a tiny crush on for a while and now he suddenly feels dirty? throws his clothes in the dirty pile and drags himself to the shower. The water spills, the mirrors fog up quickly, the air filling up with heat, almost as hot as a sauna. _Who kisses someone on the forehead anymore? Whose done that? This isn’t a movie._  
He enters the water bothered about his father kissing his forehead in the morning as he feels the droplets hit his skin, burning, hating but loving the feeling. Reminding him of Rick’s thighs slapping his thighs creating a burning sensation after. His dick becomes hard and he lets it. Thinking of Rick, wanting rick, needing him. Loving him.  
He grabs the bar of soap and rubs his dick with it, using it as a lubricant, afterwards placing the soap back down.  
"Need you...badly"he moans as he strokes himself, slowly and wanting to remain this way for a while, "aahh," Carl closes his eyes, head back, a hand placed on the wall to balance himself as he nears the edge.  
He strokes faster, moaning louder, biting his lips trying to muffle his sounds. He tries so hard, "ngh," he pants, getting closer and closer and his mouth opened wide this time, feeling the hot water slide down his face and into his mouth. Imagining it to be Rick's cum.  
Biting his lip again wanting Rick more and more as he gets closer. At this point he doesn’t care who hears, he just wants Rick. The door from downstairs opens, Rick walks in and sees mud on the small mat with the words "good-bye," just like the mat outside having the words, "welcome."  
Rick hears that the shower’s on and locks the door behind him before going upstairs, hoping it's just Carl.  
Rick has been thinking of Carl almost all day, thinking about how he's always wanted him ever since puberty struck Carl. Soft skin, acne free, voice deepening slightly, tall, toned and framed. Rick keeps trying to shake his thoughts away but he can't seem to, he knows what he feels is wrong but he feels so helpless wanting more and knowing that he had the best sex he could ever dream of having. Knowing that Carl is his and only his even though Enid seems to want him as well.  
He enters the room, he hears muffled moans, so many muffled moans coming from one person. Rick looks at the bed, he sees the board game with two player pieces out, Rick isn't one to come to conclusions and he doesn't want to start now but we feels his heart sink.  
He sighs. He had assumed the many muffled moans are Enid and his. Of course.  
_Was everything they did the night before, for nothing? Was there no connection? I could have sworn…_

"Ngh," Rick hears another moan, "Ri-ck, so close..."the confused and sad man stumbles back with confusion. Does Carl still want him? It seems so...so..unbelievable but intriguing.  
He hears a knock say the door coming from downstairs, it's Jessie. Rick made sure to lock the door, always been a habit ever since he woke from his coma and the apocalypse had already begun and whenever he's alone.  
He doesn't go downstairs but he knows it's Jessie because they both have a secret knock to know when it's clear to fuck but Rick doesn't want Jessie, he wants Carl. Only ever wanted Carl.  
Rick checks the window closes to the stairs, the view shows Jessie leaving. Rick doesn't exactly know how to feel or what to think, he walks back to the room to sit on the bed, moving the board game away from him and onto the edge of the bed. A minute passes and loud grunts, the moans, the splashing of the water, the small cries stop. The shower is turned off and Carl walks out with a towel hugging his hips, he stops as soon as his feet hit the floor outside the bathroom door seeing that is Rick just sitting there.  
Rick looks up at Carl, whose also in shock.  
Neither of them speak, its silent, Rick breaks them breaks that silence, "Carl," he pauses, not wanting to say anymore than he already has but does so anyways, "I need you."  
After those words, everything felt so fast. Rick moved towards Carl, kissing him. Returning the favor, Carl deepens the kiss and placing his hands around the nape of the man's neck.  
He jumps up and Rick catches the boy, his legs now wrapped around the man's legs and hip. The man massages the boy's back and gripping one of Carl's ass cheeks. The boy moans in pleasure.  
Carl thought he was going to have a hard time getting hard but that's not the case, he's with Rick now. It’s so easy to get an erection or to just want to be held by him. The minute he touches Carl it’s like Carl just melts into nothingness and his touches are simply amazing. A single graze and Carl is down on all fours if that’s what Rick demanded.

"Rick," Carl catches his breath, breaking the sloppy yet passionate kiss. Rick smiles kissing the tip of the boy's nose, then placing him back first onto the bed. The man takes off his shirt, unbuckles his belt, then removing his pants. He wants Carl and the boy wants him, it's never been more clear, "fuck," he moans out, Rick grunting as he rubs against Carl's hole.  
“Wait,” Carl was panicking and he wasn’t sure if it was because it’s his dad whose about to fuck him again, maybe it’s because he doesn’t just want to be his fuck buddy, he knows he wants to be more. There’s no way he could ever want to be less than a fuckbudy. For fucks sake all he wants is Rick to be his romantically, sexually, all of the ly’s.  
So why couldn’t he do this? Maybe there was more to it.  
Rick kept rubbing his dick against Carl’s hole, not stopping, “dad Stop.”  
Finally, Rick did.

“What’s wrong son?” Rick asks, Carl cringes.

“We can’t. I’m sorry dad…”his breath hitches from all the panting he’s done freaking out about having sex again.

“Is it…” Rick was about to make another one of his jokes but was insisted not to by Carl, “is it Jessie?”

“Yeah,” Carl pauses, “you two are dating, she has a husband but you have a son, me, and we  fuck every chance we get and-“ Carl doesn’t speak any further.

“Tell me,” Rick demands, “tell me the rest.”

“That’s all. I promise,” Rick can see right through him. There’s no way Carl can lie to Rick. Rick makes a face that says it all, “I’m dating Enid. That’s all. For real.” Rick isn’t surprised after all he did assume Enid and Rick were fucking in the shower, if anything he’s upset about them dating.

Rick laughs it off, trying to show that he isn’t hurting, “I’m breaking it off with Jessie just so you know,” he kisses Carl’s cheek, “I only want you.” He hovers over Carl, making sure that they’re both comfortable.

“You mean it?” Carl asks, he whimpers as  
Rick moves his hands all over Carl’s body. Squeezing his thighs, gripping onto Carl’s waist, hips, and ass cheeks. Carl hums Into his father’s mouth, kissing him deeply with Rick returning the favor. Carl arches his back that tells Rick to fuck him already. Rick takes notice, laughing at how cute his son can be. Rick teasing Carl by nipping at the hickies he gave Carl and making more, making sure not to go over the neckline that a sweatshirt can reach. “Da- _ahh_ ” he moans. Wanting to get his father to fuck him already, hard and fast. He’s so close, he just wants his father to fill him and he’s not so sure he’ll make it far enough to be filled. _Please, just **fuck me already** damn it._  He can’t keep begging. He’s falling apart each second just by a kiss or a single touch. Rick finally follows through with Carl’s begging, getting Carl to suck and leave a ton of spit onto the fingers, he sticks a finger inside his son, slowly. Rubbing Carl’s anal walls after inserting another. Making sure to prep him just enough. Carl’s hole twitches like it’s begging for more. As if it has a brain of its own. Once Carl was prepped enough, Rick slid his cock in just a little to satisfy himself, making sure it doesn't hurt Carl at the same time. The boy moans, he begs Rick for more. “Please, Rick…”He thrusts himself in an out of Carl, repeatedly, slightly teasing Carl's sensitive nipples.  
Lightly pulling, kissing, or simple tapping them. Unlike yesterday, the bed is now creakier than ever.  
Thrust. Creak.Thrust. Creak.Thrust.creak.  
"Fuck," growled Rick.  
Carl's hole envelops the older man's cock, as the man kept thrusting, the boy grew hungrier for more just like his erection grew larger. He wanted so much more than a thrust, than a fuck, than a kiss, but this was more than enough. He was so close to cumming and he couldn’t hold it together much longer.  
Carl balanced himself with his elbows on the bed, allowing Rick to hold the boy's neck and place their foreheads together. As rick thrusted with all his force, causing Carl to shake with pleasure, Carl held onto the sheets, curling his fingers showing the whites of his knuckles, "I-" Carl moaned, Rick shoved himself causing the boy to squirm and shudder, "I’m so close," he gasped. He couldn't contain himself. Rick continued to fuck him, relentless and uncaring if Carl was close. He kisses Carl's cold, soft, semi-plump, yet slippery lips. He spread his legs wider, taking his father in deeper.  
Finally hitting Carl's prostate, Rick fastened his pace, gasping for air, drowning in the hot room that they heat up together, practically heating up the remaining cool air around them.  
Rick leans back, his arms, his back, his whole body is getting tired. Carl, having all the energy in the world and not a leader of a group having to make tough decisions, forced himself to take all of his dad. Rocking himself on the older man's cock, moaning and groaning, "please! Need you **so bad** Rick," Wanting all of it, hoping to get every last drop of his father. Carl grabbed a pillow nearby and placed it over his face, a face flushed with redness after taking so much. He doesn't want Rick to see him all blushing and embarrassed.  
Rick laughs, the laugh vibrates and echoes throughout his whole body, moving Carl's with it. The boy arched his back, he can’t take it anymore. Rick snarled, realizing what he does to his son.  
He drives Carl crazy and he loves it.

"Like that don't ya baby boy?"the raspy deep voice of Rick's sends Carl deeper into a void just full of pleasure. He's never been called baby boy and the first time being called such a thing was a complete turn on for Carl, " **Baby boy** , I asked you a question." Rick's voice deepened.  
Carl bit his lip, trying to mask his sounds.

"y-yes daddy" He arched his back, almost screaming, "aahh!" He couldn't hold back anymore, his back reached its limit and so did he. Letting go of the little bit of strength he had in him, he came. The white slimy substance spread onto the owner's chest. Touching the nipples and chest, flowing into Carl’s belly button, dripping down to the base of the cock. Rick loved this sight, the image is then burned inside his mind for the rest of his life.  
Rick kept thrusting.  
He held onto Carl's hips, not letting the boy have a moment to catch his breath. Carl’s eyes rolled back, full of pleasure his mouth opens a bit, biting his lip.  
Rick gasps again, _what a sight._ He thought to himself.  
He loves Carl, his body, his lips, his face, his personality, his smile, his everything. From brain to toe.  
He fucks Carl faster again, this time not letting himself to breath.  
He forces himself deeper into Carl that the boy screams but not from pain but from the mix of surprise and the satisfaction. He muffles his screams with the pillow as much as possible but failing to do a good job. Finally Rick cums inside Carl, gripping his son’s shoulder and waist. So tightly it almost burned. Rick thrusts three more times, kissing Carl on the lips, then thrusting another two times.  
He slips out of Carl and ever so slowly, so does Rick’s cum.  
What a sight indeed.  
Carl clenches his ass cheeks, hoping to keep all the fluids in him, inevitably failing. There was just too much.  
They gasp, catching their breaths. Rick let’s gravity overtake him as he allows his weight to crush Carl. He doesn’t mind but a heads up would have been great. Carl wraps his legs around Rick, never wanting to let him go. As he does so, Rick grabs the covers and pulling it over them. Luckily for them, even when rick doesn't (rare) or does lock the front door, he locks the bedroom door. Therefore, they can sleep in all they want.  
"Carl," rick whispers, “you're amazing,” He pants out. Carl pants as well, toying with Rick’s wavy hair, twirling it and petting it just like Rick did to Carl’s hair in the bathroom. “I meant what I said ya hear me,” he kisses his son’s neck, “I only want you.” This made Carl so happy that he ended up squirming with excitement and he didn’t even mean to. He hums to himself as Rick continues to kiss Carl’s chest and neck, he even manages to steal a kiss from Carl on the lips, “just you.”

 


	5. Dear ol’ Pete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glenn and Nicholas get into a bloody fight leading to other issues and another damn party is happening. Thanks Pete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter the characters didn’t sound like themselves and didn’t come off as themselves. Sorry about that, I focused more on fixing that issue and adding more so this chapter would be better than the last.

It’s been hours since their last _interaction_ , they now sit in the living room doing absolutely nothing but playing the board game that Carl and Enid had been playing before Rick had arrived.  
  
Daryl comes into the house, “what are ya’ll doin’?” He scoffs, looking at the busted up board game, it’s old and probably a decade old but who could really know, “that looks crazy stupid.”  
  
Rick scoffs agreeing with Daryl, “care to join?” Daryl looks at the clock in the living room, he’s got the time. Besides, he could use some time to relax so why not hang out with Rick and Carl. Daryl takes a seat on the floor then chooses a player piece.  
  
“Now what?” His usually raspy and angry voice combined with his very rare soft spoken attitude creating a mixture of different Daryl thatnsounds like an angry six year old.  
  
“We haven’t figured it out yet. Carl said to just pretend to know what we’re doing but that makes it harder,” Rick sighs, picking up a card: **today is your lucky day. Move three spaces.** _Nice_. All they really do is roll the dice and move the pieces and when it says to pick up a card, they do it. It’s a simple board game but at some points it gives them riddles that they can’t figure the answer to and if they do manage to find the answer, it’s for nothing. Rick shows off how useless the riddles are since there is no manual to tell them what they're for, “I’ve gotten seven riddles so far.” Seven useless riddles. It’s Daryl’s turn, he’s beginning to hate the game. No rules, which he used to love not having any rules but now it seems needed and missed. The end of the world sure as hell needs a rule book or a guide book. How do you know if you win or get to the end? There is no end, the game just keeps going. It tells you where to start but not end, so they assumed that the start is also the end. Daryl scratches his nose, hoping that the dice will land him in second place allowing him to be ahead of Rick so he can rub it in his face later but unfortunately, the dice doesn’t. A loud shout from people can be heard from outside the house. Rick and Daryl zoom out of the house leaving Carl to look for his shoes only to be interrupted. Outside, Nicholas and Glenn are fighting. No one knows why, two people try to intervene but they get pushed aside unharmed by the two angry people. Aaron runs off to look for Deanna and Reg but only manages to get Spencer. Spencer pushes the two aside, then speaking about how it’s _inhumane_ to fight at such a time. Hell, the entire Apocalypse is inhumane, has he not seen the corpses (rotting and freshly dead) walking and eating human flesh?? Spencer tells the crowd to go back to their homes and to resume what they were doing but no one listens, not even Glenn or Nicholas.

  
Spencer raises his voice but the two resume back to what they were doing, after all that was what Spencer did say to do. He tries to break them up again but like the other people who tried, he was pushed aside unharmed. Rick and Daryl show up, prying them apart while Spencer (trying not to feel embarrassed) runs away to get his mom (Deanna).   
  
“Let go of me!” Glenn exclaims, “that son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill him!” Rick pulls on his shirt to look Glenn dead in the eyes. His nose running with sweat and blood, mouth spitting droplets of red each time he speaks. A headache taking over his mind, causing him to lose balance but it doesn’t stop him from trying to rid of the worst person in his existence.   
  
“No ones killin’ anyone today,” Glenn tries to get away, wanting to kill  Nicholas with all he’s got. Rick roughly tugs on Glenn’s shirt, making sure he cant get away, “listen to me,” he grits his teeth.   
  
Nicholas is already hurt and bloody. Looking like a worn out punching bag, he was punched repeatedly about six times almost close enough to knock him out. Luckily for him, Glenn was already getting tired and wouldn’t have made it to seven. He would have knocked out thanks to the headache before Glenn reached the seventh punch to kill Nicholas, “He started this!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, “he beat me! And for what?” his breath hitching, blood spewing from his mouth. _And for what?_ A ringing forms in Glenn’s ears, he grits his teeth and pushes Rick away who stumbles back.   
  
Glenn struggles to run to Nicholas so he can punch the crap out of him, if he’s lucky, he’ll be able to kill Nicholas with a single punch. While punching Nicholas, Nicholas tries to push Glenn away but they fall to the ground with Daryl accidentally letting go of Nicholas, Glenn landing on top of him. Glenn slaps him, punches him, chokes him, anything and everything. Daryl tries to pull him off of Nicholas whose almost knocked out and taking each punch to look innocent but also because he can’t fight back. Daryl fails because Glenn won’t let go of the soon to be dead man, he wants Nicholas’ head on a stick more than anything. He wants him dead as if that weren’t clear enough.   
  
Glenn begins to scream st the top of his lungs. People crowding in to see the commotion, wanting to see who would win (which is clear).   
  
“You killed him!” He swings again but his arm is caught by Rick, “he would do anything for anyone including you...and you killed him,” his arms go limp. Tears fall from his eyes landing on Nicholas’ blood. Rick pulls Glenn up from the unconscious body with Daryl making sure that the unconscious body is still alive.   
  
Deanna shows up along with Spencer, she looks at the bloody limp but alive Nicholas then glares at Glenn, “what the hell’s going on? Rick.” She stares at Rick, looking for an answer, something that won’t get either of the two fighters kicked out of Alexandria. An answer that won’t be too much for anyone to handle but Rick can’t think of anything besides the truth and even then he still doesn’t know the whole truth. He’s been told my Glenn what really happened but he (Rick) wasn’t there to see it happen so how could he believe every word? Glenn would have been so angry with Nicholas that he could have made up some parts of the event. Rick is sure Glenn would never do that but he’s angry and still is to the point where Glenn would **kill** Nicholas and not give a care in the world and this is Glenn. **Glenn** for crying out loud! Rick opens his mouth only for air instead of words to escape, instead Deanna speaks, “ take Nicholas to Denise, she’ll fix him up,” she says to Daryl and Spencer. Deanna sighs, she’s too tired for all of this nonsense. She walks up to Rick, “fix this mess before I do.” Another threat coming from Deanna. Coming from such a small woman she can be strong and harsh sometimes scary, “fix your mess as well. Now go.” not wanting to see the end of it if he doesn’t fix the mess, he walks along side the crying and frowning Glenn to the medic.

  
After this, Rick and Daryl go their separate ways to deal with their own things, Rick’s being needing to find Deanna. Every time he needs Deanna he has to find her, she can never be just right there at a moments notice.

  
Walking down the empty street, Rick ponders on what he should say, _it’s not Glenn’s fault. No. We need to know the full picture._ That just sounds stupid but makes sort of sense but it sounds as if Rick is more on Glenn’s side.. _Glenn and Nicholas went through something, we ask them separately what’s going on._ That’s much better. He then spots Carl being the last person to walk out the church with Enid running away to speak to Daryl and Aaron walking to Aaron’s home so Daryl could teach Aaron how to fix up a motorcycle while Eric sleeps. Enid talks to them about what they can get her on the next run. Aaron, Daryl, and Enid end up walking off to talk more about what the community might need or want. They, including other people were in the church to discuss what they will do with the remaining food since the scavengers haven’t had much luck finding enough food.  The church and the outside area is left empty except for Rick and Carl. Rick quickly forgets about Deanna and hesitatingly walks towards Carl instead.   
  
“Dad, is something wrong?” Carl asks, his eyes gazing into Rick’s.   
  
Rick furrows his brows, kind of a stupid question to ask Rick really. There’s always something wrong now a days, “No nothin’s wrong, just trying to fix something right now.” He looks around to see if anyone is near them, hoping he can kiss Carl. He doesn’t see anyone but he still doesnt allow himself to kiss him, just to be safe.  “Anyway, what are you doing out here alone? I mean, I saw Enid run off just before I came to you. You could have gone with her” Rick asks worryingly, Carl is his son not just his toy, Rick has to be a parent at some point or another, “why are you here alone?”   
  
  
“I don’t know, I just felt like I wanted some alone time I guess,” he would have said more but now wasn’t the time, “I saw Nicholas, he was being carried by Daryl and Spencer, Why?” Enid came by the moment the fight began, she knocked on the window from the living room while Carl was looking for his shoes. That’s when she told him to come with her because she wanted to show him what she found when she sneaked outside the walls before she met Carl.   
  
Rick had assumed Carl was there with him to witness the fight but he realizes he’s wrong, “you weren’t there? There was a fight between Glenn and Nicholas. I need you to keep an eye on Glenn, I’ll keep an eye on the other,” he plays with Carl’s hair, just like he played with Carl’s hair in the bathroom inducing Carl to blush a little. Reminding him of the moment they shared.  To their knowledge there wasn’t anyone to see this happen or else Carl would have shat himself from embarrassment or from fear of what would happen. Not that his father was being _too_ affectionate, just that Rick never toys with Carl’s hair in public and certainly not like that. Rick hasn’t ruffed up Carl’s hair since he was five like an actual father would and if Ron were around, he would make fun of Carl for the rest of his life. Plus no one has seen Rick show off any affection to Carl, the people just see Rick talking to his son as if he were some random person. Leading him around like a lost puppy. If anyone saw Rick playing with Carl’s hair like _this..._

  
“Dad, I have to ask-“ he pauses, Rick titling his head confused as to why Carl suddenly stopped. He gestures for his son to continue, “what are we?” He blurts out. The one question no one ever wants to hear because it’s just too cliche. The one question Carl never wanted to blurt out, maybe whisper it but alas he didn’t yell. His question caught Rick by surprise and that’s for sure.  
  
“What do you think?” Rick asks jokingly. Rick knows what they are, together. They’re a thing but Carl still isn’t so sure, not even after what Rick told him _**‘I only want you.’**_ Then again, Rick hasn’t broken up with Jessie and Carl hasn’t broken up with Enid so it’s slightly a reasonable feeling? Carl gives his dad a confused look, “look Carl, we’re together aren’t we?” Carl now nods, “then what do you think we are?” Rick’s more serious now. Kind of hurt that Carl would even ask this sort of question but he understands Carl’s need to know. His need to make sure. Carl responds with ‘a couple’ and Rick nods. Carl is still new to dating, he hasn’t dated a single person since...ever. Kids his age have lost their virginity by the time they were 14, which is crazy but true and now he’s 16 and just having his first boyfriend which just so happens to be his dad so it’s definitely crazier than a teen who lost their virginity at 13. He is also just having his first girlfriend, who he now realizes he probably doesn’t like as much as he thought he did and only needed someone to hold on to while he figured out his feelings for his damn father so he didn’t spiral out of control. That person happened to be Enid even though he didn’t need her almost at all.

Crazy indeed.

For someone like Carl during an apocalypse and having two lovers (one who is his father) is more chaotic then...chaotic. It’s just insane!  
  
Neither of them speak, they just look at each other for an awkward amount of time not bothering to check if anyone is watching them. But why would anyone do something that weird but if anything the people would assume that Rick was talking to his son like a regular father and giving him a much needed lecture.   
  
Rick pats his son on the shoulder, “I should get going, check on Nicholas and then get some things straight with Jessie.” Carl nods, “and put on an actual sweater please.” He says as he departures.   
  
“Ri-dad wait,” Carl inhaled sharply, “I’m breaking up with Enid.” Rick raises his brows, surprised his son would do that. He assumed Carl had the world’s biggest crush on Enid but maybe he was wrong. Rick asks why, “it’s just, I don’t actually like her. I don’t know why I asked her out and honestly, it was really-“ Rick stops Carl from rambling on because if he hadnt, Carl would have only embarrassed himself. The bushes tremble first, then  the leaves on the trees do the same around them along with twigs breaking off branches and leaves crunching on the ground and hitting each other in the air.

The weather is getting colder.  
  
“Carl, I’m sorry for asking.” He jokes, shivering, Carl smirks and thanks him for getting him to stop. He pets Carl’s head for a little too long, Subtly tugging on the soft hair at this point. his hands falling onto Carl’s warm pink cheek. He smirks, “Jesus Carl…” he huffs, his breath fastening. Rick needs to blow off some steam but he can’t, not here and not now and furthermore he has bigger things to worry about then to blow off some steam. He removes his hands from his son’s face, rubbing his own chin huffing at what he just did, adjusting himself. Looking for anything but Carl to stare at.

Carl gazes at Rick, “I’ll see you at home okay?” Carl mumbles, ending the conversation before it got out of hand. Carl walks away, going to where Denise is taking care of Glenn and Nicholas. Rick exhales deeply, composing his thoughts. Before resuming his mission on looking for Deanna to talk to her, Rick leans against the tree next to him. Thinking about what to do with Glenn and Nicholas. Their tension is hostile, if they were to be left alone together or even separately, they’re bound to find each other and one or both would end up dead. Highly likely that Nicholas would end up dead, for crying out loud the man can’t kill a walker without tripping on air. Without making a whimper, he is likely to get himself killed just by breathing. Always needing someone and if he’s exiled, he’ll be dead before he steps a foot outside the walls. Rick needs to figure something out and quick.  
  
But out of nowhere suddenly Pete pops up, “Heya Rick, I’ve been meaning to get to you,” he clears his throat to continue, “we’re having a small party tonight at our house and you’re invited.” Pete laughs at his lie about meaning to get to him. He doesn’t want Rick coming but Jessie insisted.   
  
“There’s been quite a lot of parties don’t you think?,” Rick questions Pete,   
  
Pete doesn’t like how Rick is coming on to him, making him feel small with nothing but a small question of a stupid party and so he rolls his eyes, “Yeah well, we’re safe and we’re in an shit storm where the dead walk among us. Might as well have some fun.” He states aggressively. Rick chuckles along with Pete, “Drink some liquor, I don’t know maybe make some noise!” He yells out, extending his arms, leaning his head backwards.   
  
“Noise huh?”Rick smirks, thinking of Carl. _Noise_ .   
  
“I kid, it’s a joke.” Pete rubs his chin, mocking Rick, “well, we better get going and I’ll invite your son. Where is he by the way?” Pete tilts his head, as if he knows something but he doesn’t, at least Rick’s not sure because by the way Pete phrased his question made Rick’s heart skip a beat and not in a romantic way.   
  
“I think I can tell him myself, he is my son after all,” Rick looks around, maybe he can knock the man out and people can assume that he fainted. Who would believe a man that fainted claiming Rick did it when Rick was his son, eating dinner. Carl would vouch for Rick so there’s no evidence Rick ever punched Pete unless he leaves a bruise but he can blame that on the cold hard ground.   
  
Pete looks right into Rick’s eyes laughing like their old pals,“nonsense! I think I should tell him, it is my party. Don’t worry about it Rick,” The hard ‘ck’ gives Pete the chance to ‘accidentally’ spit onto Rick’s face then giving Rick a pat on the shoulder. Rick shakes it off, shivering from the unwanted touch.   
  
“He’s my son. I can tell him either way, I’ll see you there,” Rick restrains himself from throwing punches. Too many bruises and Rick’s a goner from Alexandria.  As Rick begins to walk away, Pete starts to tsk.   
  
“I have a question for you. It’s not an in general but more personal sort of question for you,” Rick turns to face Pete. Rick’s facial expression tells Pete that he’s warning him, if it’s worth Rick’s while maybe he won’t punch the living daylights out of the talkative Pete, “why would a father caress his own son the way you did?” He doesn’t laugh, make a joke, seem sincere, or anything besides sound threatening. Rick swallows hard, having to clear his throat, “I mean Carl fucking blushed. His face just-“ he does hand movements to show off how red Carl’s face got, shrinking himself to show off Carl’s vibe, “Don’t you think that’s just a bit weird?” He asks placing his hands inte pockets of his jacket.   
  
Rick shifts his eyes at the area he was at with Carl, there was no one there with them. How could have Pete seen them? How could he have heard them? “I don't know what you’re talking about?”  The two men stare each other down, restraining themselves from throwing punches.

  
Pete looks annoyed. He’s had enough of everyone acting stupid, he’s so tired of Rick. Pete’s tired enough as it is, “don‘t play dumb with me Rick.” Pete scoffs, shaking his head with disgust and dissatisfaction, “this isn’t a fucking game.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for grammatical and spelling errors, I put like 87% of my focus on the way the character’s came off and usually I can do like 25% of everything to make sure it’s just right but the last chapter pissed me off. So Haha sorry :/ I’ll do better! :) hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Also sorry there was no smut here haha


	6. Big Bowl In the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is confronted by Pete and Carl sees something he never thought he would witness. So he goes over the wall with Ron and Enid.

“Don’t play dumb with me Rick,” Pete snorts. He’s so tired of this. So tired of how Rick can be so condescending. Sometimes people should own up to things such as what they’ve done or should have done. But not now. Not when Carl needs someone to take care of him even though Carl can take care of himself, he still needs a father. He was wrecked when they lost Beth, his mom, almost losing Judith and he can’t lose Rick too, “I know what was happening.” Rick shrugs, playing his part of not knowing what Pete’s talking about, “you don’t think I’m smart do you? Funny.” Rick doesn’t do much and that drives Pete over the edge, he hates Rick so much that a single glance from Rick to Pete just enrages him. It enrages Pete so much his blood boils.

 

“If you know what’s happening, then tell me,” Is what Rick manages to say without his voice cracking with fear and nausea. He has never been so nervous. The last time he was this nervous was senior year prom, having beaten the jealous Shane at becoming Prom King.

 

Pete snarls, “Fine! Have it your way, see I don’t think _your son_ is comfortable with you touching him.” He pokes at Rick’s chest, shoving him back. Rick’s nose crinkles, “I mean, you shouldn’t be petting your son like that since you know you’re not the ‘show love’ kind of guy.” Rick is genuinely confused by this, he tilts his head signaling to Pete that he doesn’t actually understand what the last phrase was supposed to mean. Rick never shows his weak side but almost all the enemies know it’s Carl. Just by the way he looks at his son and a single glance gives it all away. Everyone else is somehow oblivious but not Pete though, not this time. Pete rolls his eyes, “It’s really not hard to understand.” 

Rick huffs, “Either way that’s my son and I can treat him any way I want to whether it’s rubbing his cheek or twirling his hair or lecturing him.”

“Not like that you can’t and when did you caress his cheek?” Looking back, the crunchy leaves were Pete lurking behind the church trying to listen in on what the two were talking about because he didn’t have anything better to do. The leaves made Pete’s face scrunch up as if it would somehow make him invisible. “DON'T justify your actions you filthy rag.” Rick hasn’t been called many names before, his chances of getting called an offensive term were slim to none and simple ones like  filthy rag did get to him. They **do** get to him. “Don’t touch your son. It’s disgusting.” _It’s disgusting._ Something Pete should tell himself. He doesn’t touch his kids in that manner but he has verbally abused Ron, made him feel worthless. He loves his kids, at least loved at some point. He may hit them. Make them scream, kick, and cry. He may even make them bleed but he would never touch them. Would never let anyone do that to them. It doesn’t excuse what he’s done already but he would kill anyone who would touch their own kin.

Rick’s heart races, wishing Carl were there to squeeze his hand as a way of telling him that it’ll be okay and he can get through this without having to shoot or punch someone to death, “I don’t-you’re insane. I would never and that’s my son!” Rick raises his voice, “he’s a kid for Christ sake.”

Once again, Pete rolls his eyes. He’s had enough.

 

“Frankly I’m tired of your shit Rick, what happened to you before you came to Alexandria? Huh?” Rick doesn’t respond, he gulps down any words that would have come out. His leadership is being tested by one man at the moment, the one person Rick despised the most and Rick won’t let that happen ever again, not after Shane. Most certainly not after Pete. “What happened before this mess of an apocalypse?” Pete wants to question the man more but just won’t bring himself to do so, he knows that Rick won’t respond and will only get angrier. “Come to the party, if I don’t invite you Jessie will be pissed and I’m tired of both of you as it is,” Pete snorts out aimlessly. He walks away, heading to the medic without Rick’s knowledge. Rick stands still for a few seconds, gathering his racing and angry thoughts and shutting his eyes wishing that the confrontation was all part of his imagination.

Putting himself back together, shaking as his breath gets caught in between each thought. Caught in between his guilt and fear. The first complete thought coming to his mind helps him move, _end things with Jessie, it’ll help me get everything back together._ Not really logical but it’s the best  he could come up with. It’s possible that if Jessie were out of the picture maybe Rick will be able to focus better. Rick takes a step further, then another, eventually speed walking and then jogging to Jessie’s. His heart and mind racing and synchronizing. Each worrisome thought  telling him that he’s running out of time but of what? Rick’s not sure.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

He reaches Jessie’s house, he views the people like Carol and Tara helping with food and spots Toby there helping with the small decorations that the scavengers managed to find and save from runs. The rest is what the people in the community could find inside the walls.

Rick enters the house looking for Jessie, he finds her next to Sam, helping him color for a few minutes waiting for the second casserole to be ready. Rick doesn’t want to interrupt and yet he does so anyway, “Jess,” he whispers out, she looks up at Rick and smiles at him. He motions for her to come to him and she does so hoping to get a small kiss or a hug. None of which come, therefore upset her at the lack of well, everything at the moment.

“I need to do this, don’t freak out, I just-“ he sighs heavily, just wanting all of this to end before Pete does something _drastic_.

“Rick, what’s going on?” She interrupts, chuckling away her thoughts. _What the hell? What’s happening? Is he okay? Are we okay? Should I say something else?_

Rick closes his eyes and sighing, “I just think we need to…” he stops midway, not sure how to say it. Jessie puffs out a _huh_ understandably more upset. She knew their break up was inevitable and she understands what Rick has to say. Patting his shoulder, rubbing the edge with a soft smile appearing on her face.

 The soft smile fades, “It’s okay, it’s too stressful with me and Pete and having you in the middle of it all. I get it.” She looks down and walks back to her seat to continue coloring. Never once did Rick have trouble breaking up or turning down a girl and the only reason he has is because of Carl. The last time was with Lori when they had a fight, the day before Rick went into a coma. Lori threatened to leave with Shane and Lori made Rick choose between her or Carl. Shane nor Rick thought she would do something so selfish but she did. Rick of course chose his sweet and innocent little Carl. Lori loved her son but she wanted freedom. Happiness. A family was just not what she had in mind. Lori had packed her clothes and would leave the day after, she was tired of Rick saying “ _for Carl._ ” Or “ _but Carl needs you, the both of us.”_ but then Rick got shot.

 

All Rick thought about so far when he was approached by Pete, running to Jessie, speaking to Jessie, was Carl.

 _Carl_ . _Carl_ . _Carl_.

All of him. Everything for him. Rick would do anything if it meant keeping Carl around. Somehow breaking it off with Jessie would make things easier to focus on Carl and it did.

Rick exited the house, his mind piecing everything together, it all happened so fast. His mind became fuzzy, _not now, not now._ He steps off the front porch, feeling like he’s walking on glass. His heart hurting, he walks to the medic hoping to see Carl but the moment he gets there, he looks into the window and spots Pete there. Rick gulps harshly, he fumes as if that were the only thing he could do at the moment. The two are seen laughing with Pete’s arm around Carl, hanging there, _protecting_ him from Rick. Rick would never hurt his son, he loves him. Pete just doesn’t understand, Pete loves his sons but not like Rick. Pete would protect his sons from anyone and anything if he had too (despite being the abuser) and would do the same for Carl because Christ, Carl is still just a kid. A kid whose sixteen and who can protect himself better than Tara, Carol, Daryl, Sasha, and Abraham put together. Yet still depends on his father. Pete and Carl are seen laughing over everything Pete says, almost as if Pete is putting a trance on Carl. Rick growls a low sound. That’s his son and Pete dare not touch him ever again.

Denise walks up to Pete and offers him a water bottle and he accepts. At the corner of his eyes he can see Rick at the window and give each other a threatening glare. Pete stands from his seat only to tell Denise that he’ll see her at the party if she’s comfortable enough to leave Nicholas and Glenn alone together. She refuses the invitation unhappily and apologizes. Pete walks out with Carl, Pete’s arm still around his shoulder. They walk out and Rick comes towards them, they bump into each other and Rick glares at Pete. “Hey dad,” Carl smiles at Rick, “we’re going to Pete’s and finish up what Jessie and the others haven’t finished.” Carl implies that he wants Rick to come with them, so he can spend more time with his father.

“So Rick, you coming along?” Pete snorts out, looking at Carl. Rick nods, trodding alongside them and putting his arm around his son’s shoulder shoving away Pete’s arm. Carl moves closer to Rick, holding his waist higher than when he does when they’re alone. Not a word is spoken between Rick and Pete and only Pete speaks to Carl. He watches Rick’s arm, if he saw Rick’s arm or hand move any closer to Carl’s neck or hair and do anything _weird_ Pete would kill Rick. Right then and there.

They arrive at the house, Jessie comes out and calls out for Pete to help her. He rolls his eyes, desperate for everyone to leave so he can drink and be left alone.

Jessie calls out once again, “I’m coming!” he growls out. He glares at Rick before leaving. As Pete disappears into the house, Rick pulls on Carl’s shoulder, “Come here.” He moves them next to the bush so they won’t be spotted by oncoming party goers. He doesn’t do anything or say anything, he just stands there holding onto Carl’s shoulders.

“Dad what’s wrong?” Carl asks, worried about his father, “Pete’s acting weird, does he _know?”_ Rick hisses at the question, what the fuck is he supposed to do now? The flinch Rick showed off gave Carl the answer. “Dad…” he tells Rick that they can be apart from each other for a while, not act the way they did in public and instead do that in their own room that they share together, at night. Rick doesn’t want to and instead he wants Carl to know that he cares about him so very much that hiding makes Rick feel gross and fear himself.

It disgusts him.

“What am I doing? You’re my son for God’s sake..” he whispers to his son. He looks at Carl squinting his eyes. “I’m sorry Carl.” He walks away from his son, leaving him next to the bush, questioning what the hell just happened.

Carl goes home, not feeling it anymore.

 _Rick is so confusing. Can’t he decide anything anymore?_ He thinks to himself.

Not more than an hour later, Enid and Ron come by the house, they look through the window spotting Carl reading a book on the couch. Ron asks Enid what they’re doing there but Enid doesn’t respond and instead knocks on the window.

“What are you doing?” Carl asks. Enid tells him to come with them to the party but Carl declines, he’s too tired. More tired than Pete. Carl looks at Ron who stares at the ground with his arms crossed, Carl sighs knowing how much Enid wants him to come but also how much Ron despises Carl.

Carl climbs out the window, walking alongside them.

Back at the party, while the three of them are on their way, Rick speaks to Jessie and both are drinking whatever they can find. She feels loose and confident enough that she grabs Rick’s hand, rushing him to the small office area that no one uses or goes into. Jessie bites her lips watching Rick drink his drink then placing it down. He leans in and roughly kisses her: Jessie shoves her tongue into his mouth, both becoming low moaning messes. Jessie breaks the kiss, smiling, “sorry, I just can’t with Pete.” Rick laughs along with Jessie, they play with each other’s pants, Jessie kissing and nipping at Rick’s neck. Tugging at their zippers she speaks, “I only want you.” Rick stops. He breathes in sharply and heavily. Jessie stops sucking at his neck, confused. Those words.

_Those damn words._

Rick walks backwards staring at Jessie. He runs his hands through his hair, getting out of there as fast as he can.

Ron and Enid enter the house, encouraging Carl to come in who feels oddly sick. Sam runs up to Ron, hugging him and tugging at his denim Jacket, “Play with me!” He states that he wants Ron to play hide and seek with him and with a few other kids hoping that Enid will join. Ron argues but finally gives in, he asks Enid to join and she looks at Carl.

Ron groans, “listen man, you’re playing with us.” Ron whispers angrily, he despises Carl but wouldn’t make even his worst enemy feel left out or alone. Sam makes Carl count because Ron is a really good seeker and wants to hide with Enid since she brings Sam comfort whenever there’s an issue, like when Pete got aggressive and hit Jessie. Jessie would tell Sam to hide in the closet but he would always run to Enid’s. Snuggle in her arms while Ron would go out looking for him. At some points Ron would run with Sam into Enid’s and just stay there, holding each other. Protecting one another while Enid puts on a movie on the vhs tape. Make sure they’re nice and snuggled up. It takes almost thirty full seconds for all the players to hide and Carl goes out looking. The first person he spots is a random kid, Charlie a ten year old brown haired kid. She laughs running away to find her mom waiting for the next game.

Carl has never seen someone so giddy.

He spots Judith being held by Sasha being admired by the other adults, he smiles waving at Judith who giggles at his sight. She reaches out for Carl but he looks away happily, knowing that she’s safe. At least for now.

Carl comes across a shuffling curtain, “hmm guess there’s no one here!” He yells out, totally subtle huh. He moves closer to the shifting curtain and he can tell that the persons are trying to get comfortable behind the rough thick curtains. Before pushing away the curtains, Pete comes up behind Carl. Pete asks him if everything is alright and if Carl ever needs something to just tell Pete. Carl understands what Pete is trying to get at and kindly tells him thank you without showing any concerns then goes back to playing the game ignoring everything that Pete rambles on about.

Carl pushes the curtain away to spot Sam and his other friend that Carl only knows him as Barbara’s son.

Sam fusses at his friend telling him that he should have stopped moving, they tell Carl that they’ll be waiting for the next game rather than join him on looking for the others. Carl turns around expecting to see Pete but he’s not there anymore and is instead talking to some other adult also known as Barbara. Carl stares at the man, focusing on every detailed feature on his face and resumes playing. The house is kind of small, how in the hell did they manage to hide? Carl walks up to a room, he opens the door and is surprised to see Jessie. She turns holding a drink in her hand, “Carl! I didn’t expect you to come in. What are you doing?” Wordy and never ending. Carl looks her up and down, unintentionally scoffing.

She frowns.

“We’re playing a game, I’m looking for Ron and Enid now.” Jessie smiles when Carl mentions Ron, it tells her that _the boy’s are getting along_ but in reality Ron just didn’t want to feel guilty for leaving behind someone. He apologizes for interrupting whatever it is she was doing but before he turns to leave the door slams shut. Rick walks in (also holding a  drink) humming after taking some time and to finally think _fuck it_ as soon as he hit drunk. He sees Carl, stopping his humming only to then plead with his eyes that he’s sorry.

 _Sorry_ . _Sorry. Sorry._

Jessie takes a long sip of her drink, heart racing and leaving the room not wanting to be a part of the conversation. She’s not sure what will happen but the tension floating in the air was just too much. Jessie felt like she was suffocating in the room. The three of them know that Jessie and Rick were dating but here? Now? At a fucking party where almost half of the community is at? Hickies don’t take long to form but as soon as Rick’s face turned to his left so he wouldn’t look Carl in the eyes, Carl stares at his neck upset and annoyed. Rick doesn’t say anything, he bites his lip hoping that this will all go away. Wishing none of this had ever happened, wishing that the entire apocalypse had never happened because then maybe their fucked up relationship would have never happened. Maybe Lori would have left and yeah, Rick would have still ended up in the coma but at least he wouldn’t have met Jessie and at least this mess wouldn’t have been created. But he wouldn’t have met the people he would protect with all his might and love. Not a single word is spoken between the two of them, Rick’s eyes say it all. _I’m your father_ and _I only want you_ are the words swimming in their minds. Was “I only want you” just a lie? A complete and terrible lie?

Carl is the first to walk out without a single sound and no tears.

He walks out the room, softly closing the door staring at Jessie whose sitting on the floor of the other side on the room. She looks up at Carl, he snarls and walks away not hiding his face of disgust that can hurt anyone affected by it.

Her heart sinks.

Carl continues to play the game without a single intruding thought and goes looking for Ron and Enid. The other kids are tired and decide that they won’t play anymore, annoyed as to how long it takes for Carl to look for two kids. So Enid asks if Ron and Carl want to skip the party and go somewhere else.

“Like where Enid? There’s nowhere to go.” Ron says smug like as if he’s trying to prove a point. He places his hands into the pockets of his sweater trying to look cool and failing miserably. Enid doesn’t say anything, she grabs their wrists and pulls them out of the house, for the entire time Ron tries to shake his hand away but Enid’s grasp is too strong and Carl allows for Enid to take them anywhere. He’s just glad that he’s out of the house and out of the nightmare for the moment. Carl doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings at the moment unlike every other time he focuses more on safety when it’s night time, it’s become habit but not for tonight. It’s getting dark and he doesn’t care, he feels hurt. Ron on the other hand, yawns. He’s tired and ponders why they’re at the wall. Enid explains that there’s nothing to do and if they can’t enjoy a small party that was pretty much made only for the adults, the kids might as well do something on their own. Enid states that they should climb the wall and explore, all three of them together just for the hell of it. Carl roughly declines telling her how dangerous it is without any weapons or back up. Ron agrees, arguing along with Carl towards Enid. She shrinks in size but ultimately ignores them, climbing up the wall and calling out to them with her jacket getting caught on a sharp edge but she doesn’t care. Carl (being the very concerned one) goes after Enid, yelling out to Ron to help him.

Just typical teenagers being teenagers. Experiencing life in the most dangerous ways possible, except for Carl and Ron. They actually think of the consequences, at least Carl does…most times. Some times. Okay, at times.

Ron does too, just not when it comes to Carl.

The three jump off the wall and land on their feet, Ron almost hurting his ankle but shakes it off immediately trying to impress Enid.

They walk to a nearby tree, Enid tells them that the tree is her favorite spot since she can see the entire community from the top and is easily climbable.  Something that’s useful for enemies but also for the day to day relaxation time for Enid. She climbs the tree, not paying attention to the surrounding walkers, Ron goes up second and Carl does last after smashing a walker’s head in with his foot trying not to make too much sound. But it’s a withering soft skull, a skull nonetheless so it’ll make a **_CROONCH_ ** sound either way. As they reach the top, they stare into Alexandria looking at the few lighten up houses.

 

“I wish I had my gun,” Carl mumbles to himself always feeling the need to protect himself and others. Having his gun with him just in case would be great but for now, he enjoys the moment he’s sharing with someone he cares about and with another he could care about.

 

They gaze at the house currently hosting a soon to end party. Non-surprisingly Enid breaks the silence, holding back her teen angst which always makes her oh so dramatic at the worst times but not this time. It’s a beautiful night with terrible things happening and quite frankly, Enid just doesn’t want to make it worse. She ends things with Carl, catching Ron so off guard that he almost fell off the tree and break his back if it weren’t for Carl grabbing his torso and placing him back onto the thick tree branch. “Thanks,” Ron says with a high pitched shaky voice, how was he supposed to feel when the person he hated most suddenly saves him from a broken back? Now Ron hates him less but nevertheless still hates Carl.  To Carl it feels like a weight has been lifted, a huge one as a matter of fact, he doesn’t have to stress about it for more hours. Days? Weeks? If it weren’t for Enid breaking it off, Carl would have struggled to do so until her death, there’s always something or _someone_ more important and distracting him. It’s only been about a day and a half since Carl and Enid have been dating but it’s felt like years of suffering to Carl. Years of torture.

“Why?” Ron asks, shimmying himself into the conversation. Enid glares at him but explains either way, explaining that it just didn’t feel right and there’s more important things going on at the moment besides _falling in love._ Plus she breaks the ice by saying she thinks of Carl as more of a brother as one might say. Carl is fine with that but does feel hurt, his first girlfriend (now ex) breaks up with him not even close to 48 hours later, kind of sucks. He laughs it off because he truly finds the situation funny, Ron sits in silence asking himself if he might still have a chance with Enid. Deep down knowing he’ll never have a chance. After this they act as if nothing ever happened, as if the two had never dated. Besides, it didn’t really matter to either of them but to Ron on the other hand, still continues to hope not paying attention to the other two.

Enid notices people beginning to leave the party, she waits until a few more to leave so she knows when to go back. She climbs back down, Ron following after.

 

“I’m gonna stay a little longer,” Carl tells them. Ron rolls his eyes but as much as he hates Carl, he doesn’t want him to be alone in the dark and without a weapon. They tell Carl to be careful and leave. Carl watches them try their hardest to climb back over the wall as stealthy and quickly as possible, it’s hard but they manage.

Ron hurts himself but he brushes it off still trying to impress Enid, Carl smirks but yelling out if he’s alright and in return Carl gets the middle finger.

 _Just a little longer_.

Quiet. Windy. Freezing.

It’s no wonder he’s shaking, he’s not wearing the proper attire for such weather. Rick told him to wear a sweater being the very concerned father he is but Carl doesn’t listen. Doesn’t want to listen anymore. Everything is just becoming too complicated, even a wearing a fucking sweater is just too much.

The night is oddly calm, too calm. He looks around and sees no walkers around him except for the dead one, well the dead dead walker on the ground with his head smashed in. There were more but they’ve seem to disappear deeper into the woods. If only it were like this more often.

 

If only everything were this quite and quiet, calm, and soothing more often.

 

Carl may not have super vision but he knows Rick’s figure when he sees it, he’s slim and slouches sometimes so usually he tries to get himself to stand up straight but fails sometimes. Carl spots the one and only Rick strolling out of the house going unnoticed by the other people, odd.

Probably odd because everyone always wants to talk to Rick whenever they have the chance but not tonight, people just want to get to know each other better because there hasn’t been anything to worry about so far besides food rations. Carl moves his focus away from the figure and sees another figure tromp on behind Rick. Following Rick. Carl doesn’t put much thought or care into this, why should he?

He doesn’t want to worry anymore, he doesn’t want to fight or kill anymore.

He just wants quiet.  Carl looks up at the sky, viewing the big beautiful moon. Taking in the atmosphere, he’s never felt so calm in his life.

 

If only everything were this quite and quiet, calm, and soothing more often.

 

It can’t ever be that way, can it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named the chapter after a song because the song (I think) really fits the ship.


	7. Sweet to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick comes home from the late ending party and Carl comes back from the tree. They talk In the morning but it doesn’t work out but it sort of does somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a spelling mistake where you might not know what word I was trying to put in but I can’t find it, if you find it please tell me.

Rick stumbles back into his home and he is alone with his drunken thoughts inside a cold and empty house. He looks at the clock. It’s late, so late the party should have ended almost an hour or two and a half ago. Rick stumbles around the kitchen looking for a drink and any drink will do just as long as it’s a drink but while he opens the fridge door and bending over looking for that drink, he hears shuffling inside the house. He quietly closes the door holding onto the almost expired can of beer expecting to see someone but there’s no one. He glides ungracefully around the kitchen and into the living room, using the remote to turn on the television but he forgets that the tv doesn’t work since there’s no one to operate the towers that provide signals and so forth. The only thing the television shows is a black screen and sometimes a screen full of static. Sitting on the couch staring at the reflection of himself on the black screen, he takes a sip from his drink. If he’s not drunk enough this drink will for sure help. Rick stares at his blurry reflection, looking at his growing stubble and his tall figure wondering where he went wrong but knowing full well what went wrong.

What _he_ did wrong.

He stares at his cold can of beer looking at the water droplets gliding against his skin, cold and wet. Rick gets up from the couch moving his body towards the stairs and he is surprised by the sight of Pete sitting on the fifth step leaning his head against the rail. They intensely glare at each other for a moment then the image of a young and innocent Carl flashes through Rick’s mind, the image makes him cringe and miss his sweet boy. Pete tilts his head waiting for the man below him to speak but as it seems, Rick wont start the conversation. “Rick,” is all he says before Rick begins to demand him to leave his home and that he is not wanted or allowed there. Rick gets closer to the stairs stating that the nerve Pete had for accusing Rick of touching his son in that manner is incredibly stupid and even too far for something Pete would do. Pete doesn’t say anything other than “Rick”, he lets Rick scream and rant at him. Pete gets up and walks down the stairs, standing face to face with Rick then walking past him. However, before walking out the door he says something that takes Rick by surprise, “I’ll keep your secret but don’t ever come near me or my family again.” Trodding out the door, Pete feels unsatisfied but he wouldn’t risk getting exiled for killing Rick because who would believe Pete over someone who protects the community and definetly would do anything for the safety of Alexandria? No one and Pete knows that, such an accusation without any evidence would destroy Pete and get him killed in less than ten minutes.

This is so unlike Pete but Rick tries to understand why Pete would keep his secret since if he were Pete, he’d(Rick) punch himself right then and kill himself right there. Rick closes the door looking at the clock again, his heart pumping so much it feels like it could burst at any minute. He paces around the house thinking about what to do, not sure if believing Pete is the best option yet does so anyway having to trust his gut. He sweats, getting hotter every time he thinks of what could happen or what could have happened, so he takes off his jacket and places it on the couch. Rick waits for everyone in the group to come back home and into their two shared homes but doesn’t notice when anyone comes back because by that time he’s already in his room, the one he shares with Carl. He lies on Carl’s side of the bed rolling around stressed and missing him. Carl is always home before Rick, it’s just habit at this point but he’s not home right now and it’s incredibly late.

      _Where is Carl?_

Meanwhile, Carl is sitting on the tree with his eyes closed, breathing slowly, and sleeping. He hears noises coming from down below and opens his eyes only to remember he’s on a tree outside of the community, he leans back quick enough to stop his fall forwards. Below him are a pair of walkers scratching at the  tree bark looking at Carl.

Hungry.

He inspects them from up high deciding that he will wait them out, besides the walkers can’t just stand there all night trying to tear Carl to shreds...but unbeknownst to Carl’s sleepy mind, they can. If he were well rested or less sleepy he would have remembered that walkers can stay at an area for days and possibly weeks until interrupted. They don’t sleep and are always hungry for flesh and they're certainly not human anymore so what does Carl do? He picks at the peeling tree bark and pulls on it so he can throw and create a distraction. It takes a while for the piece of bark to get ripped off the tree but the distraction works, so the walkers waddle off to the area where the piece of bark was thrown at which was a part of the metal wall but far from Carl’s general area. Thank God and Rick for good aiming.  He carefully and as quietly as possible climbs down the tree and without any help from anyone (like there is anyone around him at the moment) climbs up a wall and into the community without anyone on lookout noticing him. Instead of heading straight home he walks around the community and the street inside is empty and cold. The wind causes Carl to shiver but it doesn’t bother him at all but he isn’t ready to go back home and face everyone including Rick, how could he? Carl strolls around the area until he’s finally tired and gives up, he could have walked around for hours on end but it’s getting too cold and he feels like he’s dying. Once he arrived home, he slowly crept in as to not wake anyone up just in case. He tip toes to the stairs but hesitates, he’s not ready to go upstairs and enter a damn room that he shares with Rick. Instead Carl turns around and tip toes into the living room rather than facing his father. He spots Rick’s jacket and folds it so the soft side is facing upwards acting like an unstuffed pillow then lies on the couch and rests his eyes. No more than ten minutes later Carl shoulder is being tapped and poked at by Rick; Rick had been awake the entire time but rather than waiting, got up from the bed to go out looking Carl and found him on the couch. Now he’s kneeling in front of Carl and whispering softly to him, “Come to bed please.” Carl doesn’t have the energy to protest and even if he did, he wouldn’t no matter how much he wanted to. Although it’s not like Carl to not speak his mind, for one night he wants calm. Carl groans his answer and Rick piggy backs his son up the stairs and into the comfy bedroom then places Carl on top of the duvet letting him get some rest, “We need to talk in the morning,” Rick mumbles to his son and not expecting a response therefore he doesn’t get one but does receive a fast asleep Carl, lightly snoring into the pillows. Although it sounds like bad news for Rick because Carl only ever snores when he isn’t sleeping right or he’s so out of it that it affects his sleeping, the two suggestions are not the same but are rather very close. In this case, it’s the second one and RIck knows that he may be the reason that Carl is so out of it.

In the morning Carl wakes up to an empty space next to him, he sighs. Getting up he groans along with his back feeling tense from all the climbing, Carl feels like he just got stabbed or bitten, not that he would know but he’s seen the pain people have been through. He’s never had to climb very often, running and killing won’t tire him out but climbing, that will most definitely knock him right out. Climbing would make him knock out in less than a few minutes depending on how much he has to climb. It’s not everyday someone has to climb something like a mountain or something worse for Carl, a freezing slippery cold metal wall during a freezing night. Carl looks around to see if Rick is anywhere but he’s nowhere and so Carl hurries downstairs, damn stairs. Such a drag. Downstairs he finds Rick and Abraham plus Eugene talking about making bullets in a secluded area they found outside Alexandria but once Carl walked in with a heavy yawn they smiled asking where he’s been and how come they haven’t seen him very often. Instead of getting a spoken response they acquire another deep yawn from the boy. Abraham pats Carl’s back before continuing his and Eugene’s conversation with Rick, not worrying about Carl blabbing because he’s a mature enough kid and knows that Carl knows what he’s doing. Before leaving Abraham and Eugene enjoy their breakfast with RIck, they ask him to tag along on a run (excluding Eugene) after checking up to see if Nicholas is well enough to leave the infirmary. Glenn is fine so far just as long as he’s not around Nicholas. Rick refuses the invitation and asks them to invite Daryl and so they do under Rick’s friendly ‘demand’. They leave the house and Rick finishes up eating offering to Carl if he wants any, Carl refuses. “Son, we need to talk,” Rick utters, gulping down his cool drink.

“Okay.” Rick ponders at his son’s response. _okay??_ _Who just says okay?_ Clearly Carl does, he isn’t anxious of a small encounter like confrontation.

“What happened at Jessie’s party was a-how can I put this- a mistake,” Rick shuts himself up, waiting for a response but gets nothing in return but a single quiet sneer, “I know what I did was-”

he stops himself before rambling on just for a little reaction he knows he won’t get. Involuntarily, Carl scoffs causing Rick to be surprised. While sitting at the table with Rick, Carl brings up Shane and Lori.

“Hey dad, you remember mom and Shane right?” RIck nods, how can he forget his cheating wife and a best friend who banged his wife until Rick killed him? Carl doesn’t say anything because he hesitates but inevitably gives in, “You-you’re like them..” Not what Rick expected and most certainly not something Carl would ever thought he’d say to his dad. Rick chokes on his almost finished breakfast, eyes wide and full of shock and disbelief, “I know, _‘how could my son say such a thing?’_ I guess because it’s the truth I mean, what do you want me to say.” All the energy he saved up from last night and instead of using it all on protesting, he used it all calling out Rick. Rick knows what Carl means and it hurts but what is he supposed to do?

They both have been fed up together as father and son and as more but you can only handle so much before snapping. “Don’t talk to me that way, I am your father,” Rick can’t figure what else to say, he’s so shocked that the only words that came out of his mouth where stereotypical of a father.

Carl breathes in, “Exactly, you’re my _dad_ ,” he responds with his voice breaking. Carl gets up from the chair so he can grab a water bottle from the fridge, his throat feeling drier every second. “What more do you want me to say?” He whispers to himself before sitting down on the chair again.  Rick is speechless, he’s never seen his son so distressed, the last time he’s seen his son that distressed was Lori’s very painful moments before death although he wasn’t exactly there, he could imagine it and the image was painful and depressing. They stare into each others eyes looking for answers, anything will do but nothing comes up and that is probably for the best. Rick mentions what he did wasn’t right and that he should have made the end of his and Jessie’s relationship official instead of doubling back like an idiot. He deeply regrets what he has done but everything has been so confusing and weird and so fucking different that somehow going back to Jessie made so much goddamn sense at the time but now that he thinks about it, it didn’t help at all. If anything, everything got worse. Everything meaning his relationships with Carl. He left Carl next to some bushes when they were at Pete’s house, Rick left Carl stranded and confused about the whole situation and Rick knows that it was all his-Rick’s- fault. His fault because he was so scared, more than he had ever been, that he left his boy because of a guy like Pete. A guy who wouldn’t survive being outside those walls for more than a minute. A guy who beats his wife and kids. His fault due to the fact that he was too scared to face his feelings towards Carl- his very own son. Comprehensible to some extent however all just...not.

Silence.

More silence.

“Carl…” Rick hesitates to say the words he truly means to say aloud but they won’t leave his mouth. The words refuse to be spoken out loud. “I’m sorry,” and those weren’t the words even if he did mean them from the deepest part of his soul, his southern accent thickens, “for makin’ everythang worse than it already was. For staying with Jessie. I’m so fuc-cking sorry for hurting you” Rick’s voice breaks and he begins to cry.  Rick has cried many times before, he was a sensitive and tough man but the events of the new world had hardened him so much you would think he was an insane homeless man on the road with followers but this moment with Carl broke his walls down.

So he cries and that’s all he does before Carl tears up. He doesn’t sob like Rick and instead tears slide down his face silently before speaking up, “I made you cry…” never in his lifetime  would Carl make his father cry but he has twice before and this time being the third. Carl hates the sight of a crying desperate Rick because it hurts him, seeing such a tough man who he used to look up to break down so horribly in front of him. The disturbing sight hurts Carl so much it makes him break down he because knows that he himself was and is the reason for the sad view of his father. “I-I’m sorry,” Carl’s shaky voice breaks through Ricks tears. Rick looks up with red eyes, staring at his whimpering boy. Like Carl, Rick has only seen Carl cry a few certain times excluding the times he was a baby.

A moment later they each end shedding their tears and Rick stands up to get closer to Carl and as an alternative of doing what he initially intended to do, he massaged Carl's shoulder and kissed the top of his head before leaving to go upstairs to shower. Carl however continues to sit at the table and waits for Rick because as much as Carl wants to leave without saying bye or to only be dramatic and stay, he would much rather leave alongside Rick as a way of telling Rick that he still cares and would take the pain if he has to so they can remain together. He’s a tougher kid than most, after all he is a survivor, a little emotion never hurt anyone.

Abraham and Eugene joke around like they would have if they met before the whole disaster of an apocalypse began, they joke about the ongoing mess trying to make light of the situation as a way to cope. They arrive at Aaron’s home and they knock hoping someone’s around and most likely it will be Daryl opening the door because he, for _some reason,_ goes over to Aaron’s a lot more often these days. The door opens and lo’ and behold it’s Eric who opens the door, “Well hello! Abraham, Eugene what brings you two here?” He asks like his kind usual self has always done. He’s a very likeable man but sometimes the people in Alexandria would like to see what he hides behind that mask of his. Could he be a ruthless killer if he had to? Is he just a sweet innocent soul trapped in this horrid world? Or is he a simple but broken man?

Eugene speaks right before Abraham can say hello back. “We came by to see if Daryl was around here so we-I mean they can go hunting or scavenging for food and supplies since the people of Alexandria are getting restless and hungry,” Eugene would usually go into more detail about the ‘mission’ as he would call it but he too is growing restless and hungry. Eric lets them in while telling them that Daryl is helping Aaron fix up the motorcycle in the garage but are planning to move it elsewhere in the community so they won't disturb Eric with all the tool dropping and fixing. Abraham thanks Eric who walks back upstairs and the other two waltz to the garage door, opening it. In the  room Abraham catches the sight of two men enjoying cold beers that they had left in the fridge and are laughing their asses off. Daryl sits on the cold hard ground taking a sip, leaning back while Aaron stands gazing at the almost half fixed and haf busted up motorcycle.

“She’s certainly be a beauty ain’t she?” Abraham asks intrigued as to how Daryl learned to repair such a damaged object. Daryl laughs at the question fully aware that Abraham meant his question as a joke but was actually very interested. Daryl offers the redhead a sip of his drink and everyone's already familiar with Abraham’s ability to not pass up a chance to drink a beer. Abraham and Eugene sit down on the floor next to  Daryl and ask Aaron to sit with them but objects to their question.

Daryl speaks up, “Come on baby boy. What, you afraid of a little concrete? It won’t bite.” Abraham laughs at Daryl’s comment giving back the beer while looking at Aaron’s flushed reaction. Eugene seems to be the only one whose concerned with Aaron’s reaction but doesn’t bring any light to the situation. Aaron reluctantly sits down on the cold concrete next to Daryl, out of view from the others and flinches at the pain caused by the ground then looking at the smirk run through Daryl’s face as he drinks the rest of his beer. Aaron pinches Daryl inconspicuously twice leaving red marks on his arm that show up later. “So what brings ya’ll here?” Daryl asks after scowling at Aaron not noticeable by the other two men in the room.

“We wanted to see if you if you wanted to go with me and on a run.” Abraham informs Daryl of the situation in Alexandria but Daryl rejects the offer and advises them to seek Rick but they cut him off by making it clear they already saw Rick. They already have Toby, Abraham himself, and Tara, all they need now is one other person to have Tara’s back while Abraham and Toby go together. Daryl still suggests to them that they should still see Rick and that Rick would need some time to think about the offer. Daryl also suggest Abraham and Eugene wait another hour for Rick’s decision because this certain ‘mission’ isn’t so important since the people of Alexandria do have food, they’re just getting scared about the escalating situation. Abraham and Eugene agree to Daryl’s suggestion and leave the house heading to Tara and Toby  to figure out what the plan will be. Halfway there, the pair decide to take a u turn and head to Rick’s house. Rick is a quick thinker, sometimes too quick that his decisions make people question his leadership but in the end, most times things work out even if twenty or thirty people die. They arrive at the house and knock, Carl opens the door and lets them in while they ask where his father is. The pair then go upstairs and knock on Rick’s door.

Meanwhile, Rick is now changing into his clothes wearing his khanki button up shirt  and the black Levi’s he managed to get on a run a long time ago, opening the door he is immediatly asked by Eugene, “Will you accomany Abraham and the other few to find food and much needed supplies?” and Rick of course says yes.

“You guys think Carl is ready to go out again? I think he might need this.”  Abraham and Rick talk it out seeing as Carl has gone out before to scavenge and is able to protect himself and another, he should be okay as long as he sticks with Rick.

Abraham, Eugene, and Rick give each other sincere looks as if they were laying out the pros and cons of letting Carl go out with them in telepathic form before Abraham speaks, “I don’t see why not, he’s your kid boss,” he jokes. They reassure Rick that Carl will be okay, “We’ll be waiting for you in an hour alright? Check on Nicholas will ya? I can’t handle that boy.” Abraham doesn’t know much about Nicholas besides from what Glenn has told him and Abraham sure as hell would strangle Nicolas if they were left alone together. Rick nods before the pair leave to go downstairs, letting Rick to resume what he was doing. Rick looks into the bathroom mirror, his hair is graying while in his early forties due to stress (although his genetics mean he would begin to gray around his fifties), it is also sloppy, and wet but he doesn’t care about that right now due to the fact he’s looking for his jacket. It’s freezing outside and the winds aren’t doing anyone any favors. Eugene waits outside enjoying the haarsh breeze while Abraham comes up to Carl, “You and your father are comin’ with us on the run today so be ready,” he says before leaving and leave before Carl can respond. Carl moves over from the table to the couch and tugs on Rick’s jacket, he can hear Rick shuffling through everything upstairs so Carl heads there still holding onto the jacket to see what Rick is up to but arrives only to find Rick looking everywhere for something. Rick turns around and spots Carl staring at him in confusion, then Rick looks down at the item the boy holds and Rick’s eyes light up and Carl hands it to him, stifling his laughter. “It was on the couch, I used it as a pillow last night before I went to bed,” he says with a straight face and yet showing signs of sorrow. Rick smiles, thanking Carl for the Jacket and gives Carl his old brown jacket that doesn’t fit Rick anymore since he’s gotten more muscle throughout the nightmare of an apocalypse in order to maintain his strength. They head downstairs without speaking or looking at each other or really any other interaction and nothing is really restored with each other but their reality hides so well no one would guess anything would be wrong, including each other so they play it off like nothing happened.

Before leaving Rick grabs the sheriff’s hat and places it on Carl’s head then patting his shoulder. Not really what Carl had in mind, he was hoping they would leave together but not everything happens the way anyone wants it to, that’s just the way things are.  Carl sighs, leaving the house as well and accompanies Rick on the tasks they have in hand for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deleted my last chapter thinking it was a rough draft of a new fic I was writing.  
> So now iI’m rewriting the last chapter and it’s my second longest chapter and I cried because it was almost 7000 words. So editing and posting might get delayed, I’m balancing things out as best I can, so sorry.


	8. Rosy cheeks

    Rick and Carl walk next to each other awkwardly not knowing how to act at the moment and it’s quiet between the two before Rick starts a conversation, “Hey Carl, can we talk about this later?” he asks Carl and he doesn’t reply nor actually pay attention to Rick at the moment. Carl is in his own little world in his mind wanting nothing other than a certain form of attention and love from Rick. Rick nudges at him by lightly shoving Carl’s elbow with his own and Carl looks up acting like he was paying attention but Rick knows better. “I asked if we could talk about this later.”

“We can talk now,” Carl responds with a stern voice;Rick clears his throat in order to say everything he wants to say without stuttering or having any voice breakage.

“I want you to know that as a father, I care about you very much and I would do anything-I mean anything for you. You’re my boy.” _You’re my boy._ Rick saying the wrong things yet somehow saying the right words at the same time, how is that even possible? It’s Rick, he thrives on conflict. Carl squints his eyes wondering what the hell Rick is trying to say and what this has to do with anything if they were going to act like nothing ever happened. Carl knows that Rick will say more, just doesn’t know when and where. Maybe in the next second? Hour? year? “As something else...I feel the same way but I do care in that, uh, manner more than you think.” Carl isn’t sure what to say and opts to stay silent but his mouth betrays him.

 

“I do too dad,” Carl mumbles then Rick wraps his arm around Carl’s arm and Carl returns the favor by wrapping his arm around Rick’s waist, softly tugging at the fabric. Carl then asks what Rick thinks they’ll get on the run and he asks because he doesn’t want to show off that he’s still hurting and Rick shrugs trying to act ‘cool’ but fails. On the way to the gate, Rick spots Jessie and Pete sitting outside their home on the porch. Rick looks at Pete who stares at them holding each other in a father son way but to Pete, he knows it goes much deeper than that and he stares at them (mostly Rick)in disgust and hatred. Pete goes back inside, uninterested in seeing any more of Rick and Carl. If Pete believed in God, he would pray Rick would get what’s coming to him and that the “helpless” Carl would be safe but Pete doesn’t believe in God or any Gods for that matter. Pete would much rather have blood on his hands, Rick’s blood, to protect another kid. Even his worst enemy’s kid. Jessie (oblivious to the sinful situation) pays no mind to her abusive husband and waves at Rick, who waves back at her.

Jessie whispers to herself, “I wish Pete were like that with the kids,” she smiles, greatly believing she hit the jackpot with Rick. Carl looks up to see Rick and Jessie wave and smile at each other, then Carl looks away trying to not pay any attention and Rick notices this and stops waving in order to talk to Carl.

 

“The thing I have with Jessie,” Rick motions for Carl to listen, “I’ll end. I promise.” Carl shrugs Rick’s arm off.

 

“you know you don't have to. It doesn’t matter anymore, we have bigger things to worry about then some stupid relationships.” Rick is left speechless understanding that Carl means their relationship and not just Rick and Jessie’s. Rick doesn’t know what to do with his hands at the moment and decides maybe holding Carl would make Carl more grumpy than he already is.

“I will, I don’t know when but I will,” he says. Bad choice of words there Rick, bad choice of words. Carl clenches his jaw and Rick says he takes back what he said and will end things with Jessie as soon as they get back from the run, “Better yet, I’ll do it now,” Rick raises his hands in defense as a joke, a joke neither laughed at. Rick was never one to calm a situation with laughter, instead he would use his authority to calm a pretty tense situation that would lead to violence. With Carl it was different, whenever Carl felt sad or mad, Rick would make silly jokes that a once young and innocent Carl would most definitely laugh at but not anymore. He’s maturing and changing, Rick can’t see that and views Carl as a grown young man but with the innocence he once had.

Annoyed, Carl snaps, “Okay. I get it!” Carl reveals with a raised voice but he gets that Rick was only trying to lighten the mood and Carl feels like shit for snapping.

The pair then meet up with Abraham, Tara, and Toby at the gate and Abraham shows Rick the map to the secluded area. Tara then shows Rick the two cars they will be using, a dark blue 2008 ford crown victoria and a grey 2006 chevy silverado pickup truck. Eugene comes up to the five people and gives Rick a list of resources they can pick up such as: Water bottles, Protein bars, pads and tampons for women, canned foods, and so on. Carl is given the list by Rick, he folds the paper and stuffs it into the pocket of his brown jacket. Abraham tells Tara and Toby to get into the car after informing Rick to follow them.  In the pickup truck Rick and Carl don’t speak to each other until Rick asks how Carl is doing, a very stupid question to ask. “I’m doing great, thanks for asking,” Carl utters, crossing his arms together.

 

Rick tsks to himself, “Cut the shit, how are you really doing?”

 

“I’m doing great,” Carl repeats in monotone, sighing after glancing at the man next to him giving off an irritated vibe, “Fine, you like want the truth? I think I’m feeling pretty Shitty. How about you?” Carl stops himself from going any further but once again, his mouth betrays him, “Doing great huh?” Carl says unintentionally ridiculing Rick.  

“As you can see, I’m not doing great.”

Carl rolls his eyes believing (knowing) that Rick is lying. _Not doing great my ass,_ Carl thinks to himself. Rick is hurt, annoyed, and irritated but overall mainly hurt. He  studies his son’s face getting a glimpse of his Carl pouting, on the verge of tears because he’s dealt with so much that the stress of all this is finally getting to him and Rick can see that, so Rick takes his left hand off the steering wheel and places it on Carl’s thigh, softly rubbing it. Not in a sexual way but as a way to comfort Carl. When Carl was much younger around seven years old, Rick would often get frustrated with his work, so frustrated that his hands suddenly felt confused in a way. He had the sudden awareness that his hands had nothing to do and would place them on his thighs and rub to relieve stress and it worked because he didn’t have the awareness to distract him. Soon Carl would catch on and copy Rick and throughout the years Carl would continue to do this. To this day, it’s still a habit for both of them.  In the car, Carl finally became aware of Rick going through some form of anxiety and he wasn’t always the guy everyone thought kept peaking at everything he did.

Carl very deeply wants to shake the hand off of his thigh but the warmth feels so comforting, always wanting-no, needing Rick at all times. Carl unfortunately becomes hard, Rick figures this out when Carl uncomfortably shifts while trying to muffle his moans. Rick makes the decision to move his hand away, however, Carl holds onto his wrist and Rick takes this as a hint to continue rubbing, therefore he does. “I know it’s been hard Carl and things have been getting out of hand,” Rick says.

 

“no shit.”

 

Rick resumes speaking, “I’m sorry for making things harder,” he smirks at his unfunny pun as Carl’s heartbeat paces while his pants grow tighter at every small stroke.

 

“Dad…” Carl moans, his moans and grasp tightening on Rick’s wrist beg for Rick to escalate the current event, budging Rick to move his hand close to his crotch. Rick unzips the boy’s pants, both eyeing the road ahead of them and Rick strokes Carl slowly, making him emphatically moan again, “please don’t stop” he whines as Rick looks at the car ahead of them.

“Truth is...I’m scared. Im scared people will find out,” Rick sighs out looking at the road and staring at the car for an endless amount of time, “scared I’ll lose you one way or another!” Rick utters in a loud tone, breathing deeply as his own pants tighten around him, “Mostly I’m afraid of Pete telling someone even if he did promise no to,” Rick continues to stroke in a rapid pace, not realizing he’s been rambling.

Carl chokes on his gasp, “Waa-it what?” he asks while leaning his head back against the rough seat with Rick carelessly rubbing the tip and Rick shifts in his seat needing so terribly badly to remove his pants and to have some more alone time with Carl. Oh how he misses Carl. “Rick- **stop**!” Carl managed to say louder than he intended to, when Rick stopped Carl shifted his pelvis forward and stiffened his body shooting his cums all over Rick’s hand. Rick lifts his shirt to clean his hand with the inside of his shirt. “What do you mean by Pete promising? I know he knew but when did he promise and why and what the hell?” Carl asks with a worrying expression, “I assumed he would do something other than promise…”

Rick sighs dismissing Carl’s assumption, “He told me he would keep our secret as long as I don’t go near Sam and Ron,” Carl shoots him a surprised look that asks _what the hell does that mean?_ “I phrased that wrong but it’s not a lie, he did tell me to stay away from them because I’m sure he thinks I’m taking advantage of you.”

“And he doesn’t want you touching his kids,” Carl laughs but understands Pete’s fear, anyone would be afraid of their kids being touched inappropriately by somebody they know, “you wouldn’t though…”Carl looks out the window shifting uncomfortably in his seat and not in a sexual manner, “would you?” he asks glaring at his father.

“What? NO! You think I'm crazy? I’m a grown man I wouldn’t do that,” Rick defends himself almost swerving the car off the road, “and not in a million years!”

 

”Come on, you’re with me,” Carl mumbles.

 

Rick furrows his eyebrows, “It-That’s _different_ ,” Rick glares at Carl wondering if Carl is okay. Wanting to ask if there’s something wrong.  Rick repeats himself with a softer tone, “Carl that’s diff-”

“No, not really,” Carl calmly laughs out, “Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me as soon as I got home from that damn tree!” Rick takes notice of the subject change along with _the tree_ (they’ll have to talk about that later), realizing that Carl didn’t want to talk about _that_ situation, Rick doesn’t respond and Carl waits and but gets nothing for at least two short minutes. Truth is, Rick doesn’t know why he didn’t tell Carl but knows that everything was so out of control that he might have forgotten to mention it all together. Rick isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say next, his solution turns out to be to continue driving in silence behind Abraham’s Ford Crown Victoria. That was until Carl Spoke, “Actually you know what?” Carl says, not meaning to sound rude, “It’s okay. You didn’t tell me but that’s alright because I know now but promise me you’ll tell me next time sooner than later?” Rick promises he will by giving off a generous smile and a pat to his son’s head. Carl finally zips up his pants, resting his head against the window to rest his eyes and holds Rick’s hand.

 

    At last they reach the secluded area where the bullet making factory is, the factory is surprisingly small and not what Rick or Toby thought it would look like. Coming to a stop near some trees to stay hidden just in case there are any walkers or other people around. After parking the car, Rick pokes at Carl, waking him.  “We’re here sleepyhead,” Rick whispers. They exit the car, afterwards Abraham showed them around and from there Toby and Tara make have come to a decision that they’ll be keeping each others back while Abraham makes the bullets or gets everything settled. Abraham speaks to Rick about this, telling Rick that Tara and Toby’s plan isn’t exactly foolproof because no one agreed on it besides the two of them and there's nothing else to it. Rick agrees with Abraham and they all huddle up together in the office inside the factory. “The plan is to find the two main priorities, food and supplies so making bullets ain’t as important as you think it may be. Unless we’re at war with some ruthless killing machine like the governor or someone worse.” Abraham mentions that he’s alright with cleaning some parts of the factory that could useful and states he’ll look for supplies in the area.

Seeing as Toby doesn’t have much experience with killing walkers, he is made to stay with Abraham because they have more bullets ready than Rick and Carl. Tara on the other hand would much rather look for supplies instead of food since Denise asked her to look for a green shaded lamp . So then it’s been settles, Rick and Carl will go scavenge food while the remainder find supplies and it all worked out so perfectly.

As Rick and Carl leave after they all get deeper into their plan, Abraham catches up to them, “Listen,” he says while looking at Carl motioning for him to keep walking without Rick. Abraham lowers his voice to a whisper, “I need you to pick something up for me will ya?” He hands Rick a small piece of paper with the words written down: **Pregnancy test.**

Rick observes Abraham, his stance and voice show concern, excitement, and nervousness all at the same time and Rick nods, keeping the secret between him, Abraham, and Rosita. Abraham and Rosita’s relationship has been strained recently due to some very big arguments and Abraham’s interest in Sasha but that doesn’t stop the two from having angry and hate sex at times. “Thanks,” Abraham holds onto the area between Rick’s shoulder and neck then subtly pointe to Tara and Toby, “I feel like a nanny- it’s like Mary Poppins with those two, add Eugene and we have ourselves some triplets.”

Rick chuckles, “Don’t you fly away now.”

“I wish I could right about now, acting like damn children” Rick places his attention to Carl standing at the entrance, he’s a kid, however acts more mature than most adults (for example Toby and Tara) when it’s necessary, Rick asks himself what Carl seems to be thinking right about now. “Thing one and Thing two,” Abraham mumbles, smiling at how the the pair manage to stay positive these days. Toby has more time on his hands now that Abraham took over the construction of the wall so Toby can hang out with whoever he makes friends with. He’s very well liked mostly by Tara seeing as how they’re similar yet so different.  Together they’re like children and when there’s a moment to goof off, they take it even if it’s not like them, they do it because they can, “Gotta do what you gotta do to protect them.”

Rick on the other hand, glances at Carl, sitting at the door while waiting to leave the dirty factory, “You got that right.”

“Anywho, when Eugene and I were here we didn’t have time to stuff anything in the car...if you haven’t noticed the bodies out there, so we left it here safe in a bathroom.” Abraham clears his throat, “it was getting dark but what we managed to get isn’t much but it’s a start and after that we’ll go out looking.”

“Good idea, we’ll bring Eugene to help us out with the bullet making next time,” Rick says, placing his hands on his hips. He’s tired, he checks the clock it’s almost twelve in the afternoon, “Carl and I will go to the gas stations we saw back there so If you need us, come find us at one of them.” Rick turns to leave only to remember the last thing he was going to say to Abraham, “Oh! And we might go off path if we’re unlucky, so just look for us if we’re not back in time.” Rick despises going off the path the group decided on, it’s a curse and only causes more problems.

“Will do,” Is all Abraham says before turning his back, walking away to handle his business while Rick and Carl run along to the car. When they get in the car, Rick asks Carl if everything is alright but not like his blunt usual self, Carl replies with a simple _Yeah I’m alright._  Rick knows that his son won’t say how he feels at the moment because to Carl it’s a sign of vulnerability for times like this, emotions get in the way and Carl has let that happen one too many times and would prefer not to let it happen ever again. Instead of staying for another moment, Rick chooses to drive off to the gas stations. In the first Shell gas station they find most of what they need except bottled water. energy drinks, and toilet paper. Seems that everyone’s thought in the back of their minds for the apocalypse was _get water._ Of course water is important but leave some for the others, that stranger might just save your life one day but instead you chose to hog all the water and toilet paper that the stranger is now dead. And boom you're dead too because you couldn’t be saved and that stranger could have been there but nah, hog all the water.

That’s life and karma for you, best buddies until the end.

In the second gas station that took no more than 30 minutes to get to because of how competitive gas stations are that they choose to be built super close. Carl asks what to get other than the water,toilet paper, and energy drinks and Rick orders him to take anything edible and useful. Since Carl felt like being an asshole thanks to the guy who took all the water from the last gas station, he grabbed one of the empty boxes they brought from Alexandria and stored all the water but one, the Smart Water. Something about leaving that one Smart Water bottle made him feel bad in a cool way and later on that day, he realized how much of a twat he must have looked like and would live to regret his decision looking back at it at random times.

At the third place the pair didn’t bother guessing what it was called in the car since it was so far, probably more than a two hour drive of awkward silences and scratched up tunes coming from an old CD. Unfortunately for Rick, this place was off the path the group chose and it bothered him the entire time he was at the place. When they entered they realized they entered a CVS pharmacy and checked all areas for walkers like they did the last two locations. After doing so, Carl immediately steals half of the lighters and twizzlers from there, making sure to leave some for other survivors so he feels less of a twat but also regrets not taking them all because what if he needs all thirty one lighters and two packs of Twizzlers for some reason?

There is just no winning anymore.

At this point Carl feels okay enough to chomp down on some Little Debbie's Swiss Rolls knowing he’ll get a stomach ache due to the last time he ate a lot of chocolate, the 112 ounce can of chocolate pudding. He did regret that.

Giving up on the Swiss Rolls after a minute, he walks over to the restrooms. Inside he got lucky enough to find a two stacks of 12 pack toilet paper, not enough for everyone at Alexandria but it’ll do for now. He brings them outside the restroom then places them inside a box, he spots an empty bottle on the ground seeping a weird gooey substance. Then, he walked over towards Rick, whose looking for more energy drinks for Deanna, Spencer, and Nicholas who could really use some right about now (even though they’re just sugar). “Need any help?” Carl asks.

  
“Not now no.” Rick doesn’t face Carl, continuing to search for the right drinks-the ones that could aren’t expired-empty, or have holes in them. Damn people are like termites with energy drinks, popping holes in them to drink out of random places because they’re too damn lazy to open it correctly(not that termites pop holes in wood to drink out of them). Even in an apocalypse but okay, whatever. Carl proceeds to roll his eyes, troding over to another aisle while RIck watches his body sway lazily as Rick grabs energy drinks without paying attention. Then a flash of a flirting Jessie pops into Rick’s mind and he quickly looks away only to accidentally smack his face onto the glass door.  Carl glances back at Rick and comes closer to him. Seeing Rick rub his cheek, Carl asks if he’s okay. “Yeah I’m alright. Go make yourself useful,” harsh. Carl then pets Rick’s arm and walks away. Rick would usually like being pet but this, this of course he doesn’t like because of _how_ Carl had pet him. Rick becomes enraged at the gesture, not only that but he becomes irritated because he liked it and wanted more at a moment he was meant to focus on something much more important. “Carl come here,” Rick demands but the words manage to come out as desperate and Carl likes this, smirking and feeling desperate as well.

Carl gets closer to Rick, Rick closes the door completely after looking around to see if anyone was around. Rick hesitates but due to Rick taking too long, Carl kisses him since Carl wouldn’t be able to stand another second of waiting.  Rick kisses him back, gripping onto his waist oh so gently. Rick pushes Carl against the shelves then Carl wraps his arm around Rick’s neck and with his other hand, he holds onto the shelf for balance. There’s heavy breathing coming from both of them, desperate for one another. Rick lifts Carl up from the floor, knocking useless items over trying to do so. At this point a bottle of lube would be greatly appreciated but lube is pretty hard to come by now a days since everyone whose now dead or will dead has _have a shit ton of sex_ and the lubes are all empty or expired.

Carl rolls his eyes back, gasping, kissing every corner of Rick’s lips and Rick laughs into Carl’s mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Rick whimpers out while carrying Carl to the nearest counter. Rick places Carl on the counter and tugs on the zipper, letting his pants fall to his ankles all the meanwhile lifting his shirt off. Carl moans, arching his back when it touched the cold counter. Rick rubs himself against Carl, holding onto each others waist, pushing each other down for more friction.  Rick unzips himself letting his pants fall to his knees and he strokes himself through the fabric of his boxer briefs and stroking Carl at the same time. Carl moans deeply in his throat trying to hide his moans but ultimately failing. Rick slowly takes off Carl’s underwear, teasing him and midway the boy whines for Rick to go faster. Rick teases Carl’s hole with one finger, prepping him with his saliva, then adding another finger, and then another until Carl verbally begs for Rick to take him. Rick rubs a bit of saliva on himself and slowly prodding at Carl’s hole before entering. Carl gasps for air, it’s been a while and Rick tightens his grasp on Carl’s waist, careful not to leave a bruise. As Rick thrusts, the boy holds onto the edge of the counter pulling Rick deeper inside of him with his other hand.

Their moans grow louder. Echoing around them. Carl doesn’t reply to his father’s apology, why would he? After everything that’s been a mess, Carl needs a break from everything involving emotions and the on going _I’m sorry_ ’s he’ll get for a long time. “Carl…” Rick groans out, leaning closer to his boy, so close their chests touch allowing Carl to claw at Rick’s back getting him to stay in this position. Each thrust sending Carl into a frenzy. Rick bites his lip so he can hold in his loud wild noises but like Carl, fails, “..shit,” his breath hitches as they get closer. Realizing Rick will probably squirm when he cums since it’s been so long between the two, he hides his face in the crook of Carl’s neck.

“Da-ad,” Carl tugs at Rick’s hair. Rick lifts his head from Carl’s neck to kiss him deeply and Carl would much rather do this in the privacy of their bedroom at night or at noon when no one else is around but this works just fine.

Rick lifts the boy again,  both getting tired of their position. Rick sits down on the counter seeing as how the counters are pretty low in height and fucks into Carl while Carl sits on top of him. He begins to move his hips, rolling them and making Rick lean his head back in pleasure, having his mouth gaped open. Rick places his head on Carl’s shoulder area, gasping and tugging at his shirt so Rick can take it off but gives up. Carl whimpers his fathers name, fucking himself without a much needed break, “daddy,” he whispers. Rick wears a small smirk on his face feeling the neediness for him from Carl as his son tugs at his shirt and hair wanting more. So much more.

Rick moans at how well Carl is doing and it’s different from Carl’s first time. It’s better and obvious that Carl is enjoying the moment rather than crying from how overwhelming it was. The first time confusing Rick if he had hurt his Carl or not, luckily he did not.

Continuously fucking himself, Carl is then stopped so Rick can begin to thrust at his own pace again so he wouldn’t cum too quickly. After no more than three minutes, Carl arches his back while struggling to keep himself steady. Rick stiffens, cumming inside him, earlier than expected.

Carl, with all his might and energy he has left, gets off fast enough but not too fast that he gets dizzy and stands, panting. “You put on quite the show,” Rick jokes, smirking while they put their clothes back on.

Carl doesn’t smile or laugh for a few seconds, his reaction being late and plays it off like he just got the joke and laughs along his father. Although, he does blush. He blushes so hard, his face felt like the inside of an oven and Rick took noticed of Carl’s rosy cheeks but mistook it for Carl enjoying their moment so much when in reality, it was the guilt of just having sex with his dad fighting him to the point of frustration. “Hey dad, help me with the boxes will you?” Rick smiles and helps, things he would have done either way. Carl enters the car and starts it, making sure that Rick gets the memo to hurry the fuck up. They leave the CVS but Rick stops the car suddenly causing Carl to roll his eyes. Rick runs back inside the pharmacy store to grab a few boxes of pregnancy tests then runs back to the car.

“For you,” he jokes, passing the tests to his son. Carl takes the tests and throws them inside the glove compartment, believing Rick got the tests specifically for the stupid joke.

“Haha. Very funny, let’s go already,” Carl demands sweetly and they drives back to the Bullet Making Factory. Something’s wrong with Carl but Rick just doesn’t want to point it out, being the courageous and tough man he is and all. Besides emotions just get in the way and Rick really doesn’t want to go deeper than he already is. On the way back to the bullet making factory, Carl sighs, realizing the wave of guilt and shame won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m almost done with rewriting the last chapter, I’m so sorry for delaying everything else, the last chapter is pretty long lol


	9. closing my eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took more time than I should have but I wanted to correct everything I wrote. I know some of you guys really wanted this next chapter so I hurried a little bit with this one. I'll release the next chapter tomorrow if you would like.   
> I finished the entire fic and I feel good, I hope you like this chapter!

    Rick and Carl are close to Alexandria, they slowly drive in the car they were given for the run. So are Abraham, Toby, and Tara and no more than fifteen minutes away. They drive slowly so they won’t attract so much attention from walkers. Carl sighs and bites his lips. He thinks back to the moment in the CVS and how he would love to go back and then he bites his lower lip so hard it hurts but not necessarily bleeds but his lip for sure stings. He winces, Rick turns to face Carl, “Somethin’ wrong?” he thought Carl was crying at first.

Carl tries to act calm, “Yeah-”he immediately realizes what he just said and shakes his head-”I mean, no there’s nothing wrong.” A slight pink hue in his cheeks can be seen and rather than bite his lips, he chews on the inside of his cheeks. Two minutes pass and Carl decides to bring up his question he has been dying to ask. “Hey dad?”

“What’s up?” Rick asks with a sweet tone, sweeter than his usual gruff voice.

His voice is almost soothing but if only it weren’t for that accent of his, at least that is what Carl thinks.

 

Carl thinks of a way out of asking, maybe by asking another question but like most of the time, his lips betray him. “Can I go on another run with you?” To Carl’s surprise, Rick said _I’ll think about it._ In another world, Rick would have said _no, not ever again,_ or _hell yeah._ But he said, _I’ll think about it._ At first Carl thought that if he had asked, Rick would have thought of him as some kid whose all horned up and only wanting some of that Rick Dick. Of course, he is a horned up teenager who does want some of that Rick Dick but who wouldn’t, it’s Rick for crying out loud. A man whose beard is somehow always on point and looks trimmed even when it’s not. A man whose eyes are bluer than a blue marble and his teeth are so white, his smile makes you think you're teeth are shit. Not to mention the fact that he is in charge, right next to Deanna of course.

Carl happened to be lucky and have Rick all to himself, kind of. Jessie is still in the picture.

Carl smiles, remembering that once they arrive, Rick would break things off with Jessie. Only to then, remember that Rick only promised to break it off whenever he wanted. Carl remembers Rick’s words: **_I will, I don’t know when but I will._ **

Carl’s heart sinks, his facial expression turns to a small snarl. He places his hand on Rick’s thigh and leaves it there. They don’t address it.

A single touch from Rick’s own son can send him over the edge, it’s insane and perverted. “Now?”

 

“Yes,” Carl says sternly. Rick’s pants feel tight, a little tighter than usual. Carl bends over, it’s awkward at first. It’s not as easy as they show it on porn, not that Carl watches porn, he can’t and never has. Rick can’t either but he remembers the porn he watched, everything seemed so easy. Anal sex seemed easy, it’s not. Getting sucked off in a moving car seemed easy, it’s not. It’s quite a struggle. At one point, Carl hurt his elbow but he played it off ‘well’.

A bump came along and Carl’s head bopped off Rick’s dick, it comes as a surprise to the both of them. Rick always knows there is a bump but forgot due to how well a blowjob can be coming from Carl.

He compares his son to Lori, he knows he shouldn’t but he does it sometimes without knowing. So far Carl is better at blowjobs. Better at sex. Better at being...better but not now, not at the moment. Rick doesn’t get to cum and Carl crosses his arms as he sits down back onto his seat. This one blowjob was a mess from the beginning, too much slob and too little movement.

It’s not like Carl to be so inept but all he had in mind was **_Get Jessie out of Rick’s mind._ **

They arrive at the gate and Spencer is there to open it, he welcomes them back hoping for more than the expected amount of supplies needed. He doesn’t open the gate yet, he’s waiting  for a sign from Sasha and Morgan. “When are there going to be more runs? Maybe tomorrow?” Carl’s voice cracks due to his embarrassment for asking. They slowly park the cars outside, they didn’t leave their cars incase a walker decided to sneak up on them and take a quick bite. So they waited a few minutes.

Rick smirks, understandingly. Earlier, Carl insulted him and now Carl wants to fuck again?

Carl bites his lip again, smothering his need to whine. Carl rubs his teenage thighs, hinting at the need for his father. Rick takes notice but does nothing, Rick doesn’t want to get a blowjob by his son and get caught by Sasha and Morgan(the second closest to being Rick’s best friend). They already tried it, Rick doesn’t understand why Carl wants to do it again.  Instead Rick tells Carl that once they’re inside their room, Carl can ride him for as long as he wants. Carl’s pants tighten around him as he smiles all giddy. The two exit the car right after the trio. Carl struggles to walk properly, his mouth salivating at the thought of screaming his dad’s name in a full house. Getting caught only adds more for him in the doomed relationship. He grabs a box that covers his lower region, using the box as an excuse as to why he’s walking so weird. 

  “You alright there buddy, you seem a little-“

“I’m fine,” Carl interrupts Abraham. Shutting him up for the hour. Carl’s sexual shame once again returns and takes over, his pants end up fitting again. He’s not fine, “Dammit.” He really wanted to give Rick a blow job but he’s not feeling it anymore.

After unpacking all the supplies and resources they managed to find, they stuff them into the inventory. Tara hugs and kisses her girlfriend on the lips right in front of Carl, only making him jealous that he can’t do that with his. Rick see’s this after talking with Abraham about the pregnancy tests, walks up to Carl and ruffles up his son’s hair. It’s not enough for Carl but it’s something alright.

Carol and Daryl come over to Rick’s for some small talk, they expected Rick to already be there but he is instead helping unpack and put away all the resources and supplies for later days. Carl, on the other hand, is on his way to the house. When he arrives, he finds the two sitting in the home and talking about Glenn’s situation and what they think will happen later on. They see Carl enter the home and they walk up to him and ask him all sorts of questions about the run but the main one being, “When’s your dad coming back?”

“In a few minutes,” Carl replies.

Michonne enters the house, welcoming Carl back with an orange Fanta she found hours ago, stored away in Nicholas stolen stash of inventory items. It was found right inside the garage. Funny. Michonne asks Carl how it all went and asked Carl to tell her everything she wanted to know. However, Carl didn’t tell her everything. He told her, “We went to a lot of empty gas stations and grabbed whatever we needed. We were in a hurry so not much happened.” Michonne looked disappointed, she wanted more to happen for Carl’s day back to going on runs.

When Carl said In a few minutes, he meant it. Rick shows up a few minutes later and the two adults surrounded him as if he were a cute fluffy animal.

Throughout their talk, Rick was asked similar questions they asked Carl and were chatting about current events in the community and then Rick asked Daryl to join him to visit Nicholas. Daryl argued over seeing the man and lost, he had to follow the leader. Rick looks around for Carl so he can ruffle up his hair as a normal father does but Rick ends up stroking it and patting his son’s cheek, leaving Carl blushing with an agonizing need for Rick. They leave the house as Carol makes herself at home, waiting for the water on the stove to boil.

 

On the way to the infirmary, Daryl grunts, angrily. He hates Nicholas, he got Carl’s best friend killed. He got Glenn’s son figure killed. Glenn meant the world to Noah and they both knew that, Glenn was there when no one else was, took care of him better than most people would take care of their actual kids. Problem was, Glenn saw Noah die in front of him. Skin by skin torn apart, blood spatter everywhere. His screams ingrained into the mind of the father figure. The tears spilling from Noah’s eyes as he wailed, it was a sad sight and horrifying at the same time. Glenn has never felt so much rage and he wanted revenge. It’s not like Glenn but he didn’t care, he doesn’t care. He wants Nicholas gone one way or another. He hates Nicholas with all he’s go and then, Daryl breaks the semi-silence.

“Why should trash like him be walkin’ around like Deanna is his mommy just waiting around the corner to save his ass?” His voice deep and rough, his throat irritated and in need of some water.

Rick laughs at the mommy comment, “Deanna is not his _mommy_ and the only reason he’s walkin’ around in Alexandria is because if we leave him out there, he’ll die-”Daryl’s  scoff interrupts him. “He’ll die alone, hungry, maybe even injured. I’m not havin’ that on my conscience.”

Daryl rolls his eyes, he firmly believes Nicholas deserves to be out there, outside those walls and rot helpless and alone.  “Whatever man.”

They arrive at the infirmary and Daryl hesitates to enter, the sight of Nicholas will fill Daryl with so much rage, he’s not sure he’ll be able to control himself. Daryl grunts, he thinks to himself, Do this and you won’t have to deal with him anymore. He walks inside the infirmary and spots Denise and Rick talking about Nicholas current condition. Daryl stands behind Rick, listening closely. Even mentioning Nicholas name makes Daryl’s ears ring. Rick asks to see Nicholas, who walks out of a different room. He faces the floor, embarrassed and looks as if he could start whining. Nicholas is getting better, at least enough to walk around without fainting. The blows Glenn gave him were close to being fatal, Glenn ever acts out but after all that he’s been through with the apocalypse, Merle Dixon, Noah’s death. Glenn’s had enough and he took it out on the person he despised most and that just happened to be Nicholas. Glenn didn’t care if he died, He deserves it. Glenn thought that when he was beating the lights out of his enemy. He was so close but never succeeded. Sure Nicholas should die but no man deserves death, not even the worst of the worst.

Denise looks at the note she was given by Nicholas and refuses to lie to Rick, “I want to say he’s not any better but you can tell he’s doing just fine,” she gulps.

 

“No shit, this walkin’ pile of shit can walk and breathe.” Daryl mumbles to himself. Rick asks Nicholas if he’s doing alright but before Nicholas could answer, Rick asks again but Daryl interrupts. “Of course he’s alright, look at him.” Denise asks what will happen next but none of them are entirely sure. Rick knows that once he gets back to the house, he’ll fuck Carl. Daryl knows that once this is done, he’ll go back to doing whatever it was he was doing with Aaron. Nicholas will go back to being afraid and embarrassed and try to show he’s an alpha by causing more drama and suffering.

Denise sighs, “I was told that once Nick is okay enough, he’ll have to stay at Deanna’s for a while,” her tone flattens and Daryl smirks. He eyes Denise in a way that asks _why_ , “It’s so Reg and Deanna can keep an eye on him.”

“Right,” is all Daryl says before storming out of the infirmary, leaving Rick to take Nicholas to Deanna’s place. Rick, frustrated, runs out of the infirmary and is able to talk some sense into Daryl and they both come back inside although not in the greatest mood. 

“Listen, I don’t think I’m ready, I mean Glenn could come up to me and kill me if he wanted,” Nicholas is somewhat of a victim but now he’s milking it.

“Shut it,” Daryl demands.

Nicholas doesn’t listen, “Please, I’m beggin’ you!” He’s not the best actor but if Rick couldn’t see through him, Nicholas would be sleeping in the infirmary for another month.

“You deaf or somethin’? **SHUT IT** ,” Daryl states.

Rick calms Daryl down by making him sit, that way Daryl wont choke the whining Nicholas right then and there. The two glare at each other while Nicholas looks down at the ground, hoping to stay in the infirmary and Daryl would gladly help out.

 

“Let's go,” Rick states.

 

Meanwhile Carol sets up dinner for her and sweet little Carl. She asks what Carl has been up to these days if he not outside those walls and chopping up pesky man eating walkers. She takes a sip of her tea and without saying a word, she offers some to Carl, who declines. “Well. I went on a run with my dad earlier today,” he cheerfully exclaims. Like a little boy whose balloon didn’t fly away for the first time. Carol doesn’t smile but she is amused and happy that Carl made it back all in one piece. 

“How was it?” she asks. Carl then explains the trip, how the ride over to the buildings felt boring and unusual since he hadn’t been on a run for a long time. He explains how he missed going on runs but didn’t miss all the work being put in. Carol nods and Carol goes on like a kid on his first field trip. Like when he went on his first field trip to Martin Luther King Jr. National Historic Site in Atlanta when he was ten, he came home and told Rick all about it.

Carl goes on about how nice the wind felt in his hair and he even said that he gets wind here in Alexandria but it felt special out there. Outside these walls. He felt like he could do whatever he pleased and felt as if he could take care of himself without others being in the way.

Carol tilts her head slowly, “Do you want to be here or out there?” The question catches Carl off guard, like a punch in the gut. He doesn’t respond, “You can tell me, it’s only a question.”

She looks deeply into Carl’s eyes, they glimmer with a bit of hope.

He chokes on his words.

“Yeah, I do.”

Carol can see the desperation in his facial expression, in the choking of his words, in his body language. The desperation to get away from the community and the people in the community. What she can’t see is Carl wanting to get away from Rick. Rick doesn’t harm Carl in any way and Carl loves his father in every way possible but having sex with his father and be showered with shame and guilt immediately after doesn’t scream, ‘ **everything is okay!’** In fact, everything is not okay and right now, Carl is coming to terms with that. Sure the sex is great and sure being with Rick is great too. If anything, it’s all great! The love he receives from Rick, the stares, the winks, the horny smiles, and even the ‘that’s my boy’ smiles are great and happened to be the greatest thing in the world but it’s this feeling in Carl’s gut. The feeling that screams, **‘STOP**!’ This bad feeling makes what Carl is doing with his dad feel like the worst thing in the world. Carol asks why he looks so sad and gets no response.

“Actually, I’m not sure.” He’s not sure he wants to leave Rick.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t know if leaving is the best option for me,” Carl’s voice cracks midway through his sentence. She pats his head, softly and her eyebrows furrow, sadly.

“I’m going in a trip for a while and I won’t be back for a while. How about you go with me?”  
Carl hesitates to answer her and she only wants what’s best for Carl.

“But Rick would-”

Carl calling his dad Rick goes over her head, “I know what your father would say but you’re growing up and he knows you can take care of yourself, for christ's sake you make cookies better out of thin air better than he ever will.” The two of them share a laugh and Carl unexpectedly looks sadder than before. “Think about it and if you want we’ll tell your dad.”  
Carl nods and Carol leaves with her cup of tea after allowing Carl to take a few sips.

 

Later that day, Carl had done nothing but think about having the option of leaving. He could leave with Carol and not tell his dad or stay. He lies on his bed with the lights off, curtains closed, and covered in his warm blanket. He fell asleep no more than an hour ago  and thought about his options over and over again. Now it’s 7:45 Pm and half of the time he spent thinking was about going on another run with his dad. The room is safe, sound, and quiet unlike the downstairs.

Rick returns from helping Toby and Abraham with the construction of the extra walls in order for Alexandria to grow. Rick’s favorite moment of his time spent there was when Abraham took a bite of his protein bar and mumbling his thanks to Eugene, who wasn’t there. Rick enters the house and spots Daryl, Glenn, and Michonne chatting about god knows what. Their faces are full of anger and mostly in Daryl's. Rick saunters in, he’s quiet and trying to eavesdrop on their conversation. Maggie stomps out of the restroom, looking angrier than ever. Rick straightens out, head up high, then asks why they are all there.

Maggie starts to yell and Michonne tries to calm her down and Daryl ends up speaking, “Glenn almost killed Nicholas today.” Rick trods over to Glenn whose face is planted on the dinner table, eyes red and puffy. 

“Tell me what happened.” Rick’s southern accent thickens, “Glenn now.”

Glenn was walking nearby the pantry to get some spaghetti sauce for Maggie and him but saw Nicholas walking out of Deanna’s home. He was also on his way to the pantry and Glenn hid on the side of the house, he grabbed a rock and thought about it. He moved closer to Nicholas, it’s unlike Glenn but what do you expect when someone kills the person you thought of as a son.

The Noah incident really sparked something inside Glenn but he ended up dropping the rock in some bushes and ran to Rick’s. On the way there, Michonne saw him and called after him but he wouldn’t stop so she went to Maggie and demanded she go with her to look for Glenn. They found Daryl instead and they called out for Glenn, Daryl suggested they look for him at Rick’s and that’s where they found him. 

Carl is upstairs, he can hear the screaming coming from the level below him. No one is arguing but their screaming is so loud because no one can seem to control their volume. Everyone is so stressed out about the Glenn and Nicholas situation to the point where Maggie breaks out into tears. Carl blocks out the sounds by dreaming about the car ride back to the house, the moments before they got the gate.

Rick sang along to a tune he heard on the CD which was found in the glove box.  Carl doesn’t sing along, instead he looks straight ahead just waiting for the sight of Alexandria to pop up. Rick lightly pokes at his thigh as a way of telling Carl to sing along, Carl rolls his eyes but does sing in a mumble like tone. The song then stops and Carl plays it again, “How is it this damn CD only plays five songs and this is the only good one?” Carl’s frustrated but who wouldn’t be when a CD only plays five songs. As the songs play on, Carl hums along with them.

“I’m not sure but a Walkman would be nice to find,” Rick looks at Carl who isn’t in such a great mood. They pass a man limping away from a walker, Carl had thought there probably wouldn’t be anyone out in the open by now and that if there were any people, they would be dead, on the verge of death, or in a community like himself. Hel saw the guy try to limp to the slow car but there wasn’t a point in helping the man, he was bound to die. He was losing blood, limping, and his arm was bit for who knows how long. Carl was going to mention the man to his dad but didn’t want to be a burden. The dying man would have been a burden in all honesty. Carl turns up the volume and looks outside again, no one was there anymore. _If only the guilt could come and go like that,_ Carl thought to himself. “Somethin’ bothering you son?”

Carl only takes a second before replying, “No, I’m just thinking about what a walkman is.”

His father holds his hand and explains and Carl lightly tightens his grip, he wasn’t paying attention to what Rick was saying, he was in his own little world. A world where everything was back to normal and it was just Rick and Carl and not the cheating Lori and the sociopathic love induced Shane. “Dad,” Rick stops talking, “do you ever wonder what things would be like if this didn’t happen?”

“What do you mean?” Rick is genuinely confused because things could mean two different things and this could mean many things as well. 

“I mean, would we be ya know? Or would it all be the exact same way it has always been, normal?” Rick understood what his son meant but his phrasing wasn’t the best and he, rather than an actual response, let out a small chuckle and Carl didn’t question it. He got his answer and let go of Rick’s hand.

“Lighten up a little, wouldn’t hurt,” Rick grunts out.

 

Carl felt hurt at that moment, who wouldn’t? Rick placed his hand on Carl’s thigh and let it rest there but Carl shook it off, “I am lightened up,” and that was all that was said on the ride back.

 

The dream ends and Carl wakes up, he smiles because he didn’t get to finish the dream. He insulted Rick in the car and feels terrible about it but he deserved it, at least Carl thinks so. The second thought that comes to mind is the question...should he leave this hell hole full of useless people and crazy neighbors such as Pete and Nicholas? Should he leave the so called community? A community led by Deanna who gets so caught up in decision making for Nicholas that she doesn’t pay attention to anything else. Should he leave a community where it has Rick? The man he knows he loves more than anything, more than a son should ever love a father.

Should he leave the place where he might have a chance at being friends with Ron Anderson? The guy so similar to Carl but so aggressive and caught up in revenge all the time. The whole community is going to shit, always has been and there’s not much to do about it. If it weren’t for Rick, Carl would have left ages ago.

 _I_ **_can’t_ ** _leave him._

 _I_ **_can’t._ **

_I_ **_can’t._ **

_Can I?_

Then suddenly, the answer popped up...

 


	10. Habits hurt...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three teenagers walked into the woods. What do you call a scared teenager who almost dies?

Last night Carl woke up and figured out the answer to Carol’s question. His mind repeated the same answer as he laid awake all through the night and when Rick came and rattled the door to get in, Carl didn’t bother opening it. He turned to face the door and heard the quiet knock and the soft southern voice coming from the other side, “Carl, are you awake?” Rick waited for a response and rattled the door once more, “Can you open the door?” Still, no response. Carl closed his eyes, he didn’t want to see Rick at the moment. Let alone feel his warmth, it would only make Carl feel pitiful. As he faded into another deep sleep, Rick went downstairs to sleep on the couch.

The next day the faucet in Daryl’s restroom is turned on, the closest restroom that wasn’t in use was in Daryl’s room. No one besides Rick and Daryl know that he has a bathroom. Rick splashes himself with the cold water and looks at himself in the mirror. He runs his hands through his hair, he notices his eyes and lips.When he was younger, he had plumper lips, it’s normal. Lips look smaller as a person ages, therefore making someone look older. Rick looks tired, more tired than ever before. He’s not sure why. He then looks at his body, he looks thinner and more toned than before, mostly due to all the unwanted exercise of running and lifting in an apocalypse. Rick smiles, he feels proud of the way he looks. He’s much stronger and feels like one of those porn stars with the great abs and pretty muscles. He wants Carl to feel the muscle and hold onto them while he fucks him until he cries for more. A sudden realization that Carl probably wouldn’t do that sets in.

He grunts with frustration, growing tired of having to deal with everything. Deanna telling him to do this and that, making him deal with everything she ‘can’t’ handle. Rick leaves the restroom to go upstairs, he knocks on his bedroom door. He reaches for the door handle, turns it and to his surprise, the door is unlocked. He enters, looks around, yet there is nobody in the room. Rick looks for a shirt, he’s worn his last shirt for more than a week and normally he wouldn’t care because why would he. It’s all about survival. But ever since Carl has been a part of him as more than a son, it feels as if he has to put up appearances. Rick knows he doesn’t have to but he likes to. He wears the same pair of pants, everyone does, it’s hard to come by pants these days.

Rick looks at the bed and thinks maybe Carl is under the comforter and Rick gently pulls the covers off the bed. He isn’t. 

Rick wonders if Carl was in the room last night if he wasn’t then...where is he? Where was he?

Rick pushes that thought away from his mind and leaves the house to check on Glenn. The night before, after the arguments and uncontrollable voice raising over Glenn almost killing Nicholas, they agreed Glenn would go recruiting with Daryl. On the way to the gate, all Rick can think about is where Carl had gone or if he was ever at the house at all. At the gate, Rick spots Daryl, Aaron, and Michonne, as well as Glenn. Michonne had volunteered to go along with them so she could keep a close eye on Glenn. Aaron had to come along because he was going to show Daryl and Glenn how to recruit.

Not to mention Aaron has been a little clingy towards Daryl, who wouldn’t?

 

Michonne walks up to Rick out of sight from Glenn and the others, “I’m not sure Glenn is ready to go out.” She’s blatant with a small frown. Rick takes more than a few seconds to stop thinking of Carl and asks Michonne to repeat herself. “I said, I don’t think Glenn is ready to go out just yet.”

Rick focuses on the tired Korean boy that’s no more than seven feet from them, his eyes look darker than before. Unusual for such a soft man, a soft but strong man willing to sacrifice himself for those he loves and his eyes held in a glint of desolation. His lips curl in a subtle but utmost disturbing way, this causes Rick to wonder if Glenn is thinking of hurting Nicholas again.

“Explain to why,” Rick states.

 

“Glenn is too focused on Nicholas, he doesn’t pay attention to anyone else. If we go out there with him and find supplies after recruiting, he’ll-”

 

“He’ll look for supplies to kill Nicholas with.”Daryl interrupts the chat between Michonne and Rick. Michonne nodded after Daryl finished his sentence as a way of saying,  _ exactly _ . Daryl was on his way to speak with Rick as well but heard the words Michonne was saying and he agreed. Rick placed his hands on his hips, then with his right hand, he rubbed the top of his head, thinking of what to do next. “Rick, Glenn isn’t ready. He ain’t going out there, he’s gonna get himself killed.”   
  


“That’s why he has you two,” Rick’s southern voice cracks, “It’s not my orders, it’s Deanna’s. Now you know if I could do things my way, I would make sure Glenn stays and I would keep an eye on him.”

 

Daryl grunts, his voice no longer a whisper. “Make Deanna listen.”

 

At this point Rick was close to yelling and so was Daryl, “I can’t! Daryl, if I could I would.”

 

Michonne wiggles her way into the conversation, “Then I’m not sure Deanna is fit to lead.” The words shocking Rick. He faces Daryl, hoping Daryl wouldn’t say the same thing but did anyway.

 

“Why? Huh, I want to know why.  After all she’s done for us...allowing us to come in here and stay for the past however many months, weeks, whatever. Allowing us to continue to stay after all the shit she has been through, the crap we put her through?” Rick stares the other two down, guilt-tripping them unintentionally and waits for a response.

 

Daryl speaks up, “She’s  **not** fit to lead,  _ Rick _ .”

“She’s too soft,” Michonne adds on.

 

Frustrated, Rick groans causing the other two to quiet down. He tells the other two to go back to focusing on what they need to do rather than argue over leaders. They refuse to babysit Glenn but do it regardless, he’s family after all. “Before I leave, have any of you seen Carl?” He asks but neither Michonne or Daryl have seen him.

Aaron, Glenn, Michonne, and Daryl leave the community in search of others to welcome to Alexandria. In the driver’s seat is Michonne, in the passenger seat is Daryl, they’re quiet and discontent.

In the backseat of the car, rustling can be heard. Aaron is looking through his bag, he pulls out a list of items he always takes and triple checks everything. At the bottom of the bag, he pulls out condoms. He was looking for them ages ago and now, suddenly, found them. He tilts his head with genuine confusion, he finally comes to the realization that Daryl placed the condoms in the bag. Annoyed, Glenn assumes Aaron is going to check his bag for the fourth time and looks over to find Aaron holding a stack of condoms and lets out a loud snort. 

 

“What’re you laughin’ at Glenn?” Daryl asks.

 

“Aaron pulled out condoms,” Glenn responded, snatching the pack from Aaron and throwing it onto Daryl’s lap. Daryl secretly smirks while hiding it with anger towards Glenn. Glenn faces Aaron, he breathes in before asking, “Why do you have condoms?”

 

Michonne chuckles, wondering the same thing, “Glenn, everyone has their reasons, leave Aaron alone.”

Aaron blushes, harshly. He’s never felt so embarrassed in a long while and didn’t want to ever feel embarrassed over something so stupid when there are bigger things going on in the world. There are people being eaten and murdered by others for a simple twinkie and he feels embarrassed over a stack of condoms. He’s annoyed at Daryl and would prefer to go back to Alexandria now. 

 

“Come on pretty boy, tell us,” Daryl smirks again, his lips give away a small curl revealing to Aaron that Daryl had plans and Aaron is irritated and for sure will not be attending whatever Daryl planned. Daryl throws back the pack of condoms to Aaron and Aaron laughs to himself in an awkward sort of way.

 

“I may have misplaced them, I was looking for them a while ago with Eric…”Aaron focuses on Daryl through the rearview mirror only to roll his eyes. 

 

“Mis-”Daryl turns his torso, somewhat hurting himself in the process in order to talk to Aaron-”Why are stopping?” Daryl asks, his voice loud and raspy, he turns back around to see a herd of walkers, no more than two hundred fifty feet away from the car. Michonne takes turns the key to turn the car off, the closer the walkers come, the louder their groans become. Glenn’s heart begins to beat faster, so fast, he’s sweating. From far away, he spots a walker closely resembling Noah and his heart sinks, tears spilling out of his eyes. As the walkers get closer, Glenn’s stomach sinks. Daryl, Michonne, and Aaron lower their bodies so they won’t be seen but Glenn...Glenn stares. He stares at the one walker passing by.

The walkers pass the car, some of their skin is ripped by the side view mirrors, the others continue on. Glenn still doesn’t lower his body, instead, he tries to exit the door but it’s locked due to the child lock. The commotion would cause a few walkers, maybe more come towards them so Aaron grabs a hold of Glenn and brings him down and muffling his cries.

Moments later, the rustling of decomposing feet fade away, Daryl peeks at the front and side window then the side view mirror. He tells the others there aren’t any more walkers around them and the others lift themselves up. Glenn sniffs and there aren’t any more tears flowing.

 

“I think we should go back-” Glenn takes a deep breath-“I mean those were a ton of walkers!”

 

Daryl grunts, “Alexandria should be fine, was only about seven walkers. No one leaves Alexandria unless it necessary and if I’m correct, there ain’t no one else who left besides us.”

 

“Like SEVEN? Daryl, there were more than fourteen walkers!” Glenn yelled, his voice cracking.

 

    “Rick and the others can handle it, they won’t go bangin’ on the walls unless there’s noise.” Daryl begins to get irritated, he understands where Glenn is coming from but it’s beginning to anger him. “If you’re so scared, I’ll radio it into Rick alright!”

Michonne takes out the walkie-talkie and radios in Rick, “Rick you there?”   
  


“Yeah somethin’ wrong?”

 

    “There was a herd of walkers that recently passed us, they’re heading towards the community.”

There’s silence for a few seconds.

 

“Were ya’ll being attacked?” Rick asks with deep concern. Michonne assures him nobody was attacked and they’ll be just fine. Rick, in return, tells them to stay safe plus he’ll make sure Sasha and Morgan shoot down the walkers from the towers.

 

    The wind blows with great strength this day, it’s oddly refreshing however harsh the wind blows. The leaves rustle and fall as seasons change. The weather gets nicer and the air grows cooler. 

The laughter of two teens fills the cool breeze, muffled by the rustling of the trees and crunching of the leaves they step on. Ron walks around the bushes, he asks why they’re outside the walls again.  “Why not?” Enid tells him. She throws a pile of orange and red leaves up in the air, they fall to the ground and hair of the two of them. Ron rolls his eyes, he’s tired and quite fed up with being outside the walls. He would much rather be in his room reading his comic books but then again, there is Enid. Ron jumps and punches Carl’s stomach after Carl jumped him to scare him. At first, Carl thought it would be funny but unfortunately realized it wasn’t only a little too late. Ron apologizes for punching him and Carl laughs it off. “Let’s play a game!” Enid smiles out.

 

“Game? What are we, ten?” Carl snorts.

 

    “No but what else is there to do? We have no TV, no malls, no money to buy comics...what exactly are we supposed to do?” Enid asks, patronizing Carl, “Go on...tell me.”   
Carl swallows, she has a point. Even so, what games could they play? There aren’t exactly any options. Ron and Carl look at each other with confused looks that say  _ what is going on with Enid? _ From a distance, the trio can hear mumbling and rustling from a distance; Carl turns to look at the trees behind them and spots many walkers coming towards them. Enid and Ron are oblivious and the two gathers in front of a hollow tree and Enid’s pocket on her very old sweater gets caught on a tree branch but she doesn’t notice until the pocket rips. Carl runs to them, hurrying them to find someplace to hide. Enid laughs then asks why while looking for the shiny necklace that fell out of her pocket, as soon as she does she hears the grows of the walkers. Frightened, she grabs ahold of Ron and makes him climb the tree. Carl runs to the nearby bushes where a small trench hole hides and he falls in, thankfully not hurting himself. Enid struggles to find a hiding space, the more time she takes, the closer the walkers become. Ron calls out to Enid and points to the hollow tree, she runs back to it, oblivious to the tree in the beginning. She squishes herself in the tree and covers the entrance as best she could with the dead leaves. The sun hits the necklace just right and Enid goes for the necklace, she kneels and reaches for it with her arm. 

 

    “Don’t!” Ron bawls and a walker walks to the hollow tree when it saw the movement of live flesh. The walker kneels, grabbing a hold of Enid’s arm and pulling it but Enid twists the walker’s arm and retrieves her own. The creature crawls to Enid in the hollow tree, she feels crowded and scared but manages to kick the walker in the face and it falls back. Enid stares at the necklace, this time grabbing it. Another one mes towards the movement and the other stands. They both move to Enid. She can barely move in such a small space, she’s not sure how she got in there in the first place. The walker that stood brushes its leg against her, making Enid drop the necklace. She can’t keep her eyes off of it, losing the necklace is like a death sentence for her. It’s her most treasured item, given to her by her mom. Enid stands, it’s too hard to sit in such a small area. Ron looks at the ground, where the many of the monsters roam. He hears a loud gunshot and looks at the walker in front of him fall to the ground, knees first.

The monsters are being shot at by Sasha and Morgan. In the scope of the gun, Sasha can see a shiny item on the ground. Sasha squints her eyes and blinks, she can see the walker’s feet shuffling back and forth in front of the shiny item. Finally, the last kick, they’re pushed to the ground. Sasha can see an arm reaching for the item and stares at the arm, blinking many times so the hand will go away.  The second walker reaches inside the tree, although it can’t reach, due to its hand being torn off a long while ago. Enid falls to the ground, scared, and crying.

The next thing she knows is the front of its face is gone.

All that remains is gooey black looking blood and terribly rotten skin splattered on Enid’s face and sweater. Her tears stop, her eyes are tightly shut, and breath hitches.

Morgan shoots other walkers nearby then asks Sasha why she stopped.

 

“I don’t know, it seemed...necessary,” she mumbles.

 

    Enid pushes the faceless creature out of the way, takes ahold of the bloody necklace, and runs the direction Carl took. She falls in the small trench and her mouth is covered by Carl’s hand, she makes zero noise. Sasha looks in the scope of her gun again, she closes her eyes and breathes in, hoping the arm wasn’t real. Exhaling, her eyes open.

Sasha asks herself if she imagined the arm, she looks at the ground and the necklace is gone. 

Morgan and Sasha put their guns down and radio in Rick to tell him the walkers were put down. 

Carl motions for Ron to climb down the tree, instead of walking away, they run.  Ron and Carl encourage Enid to get rid of her sweater but she refuses. “I can clean it!” She states, “I can use the bathroom soap,” Enid can’t stop staring in front of her. The last time she had to face walkers was a long while ago and her most recent encounter reminded her of her parents' death. Of course, she was upset over their deaths but she never really thought about it until now. Carl strips Enid of her sweater and takes the necklace that was in her hands, stuffing it into the front pocket of her pants. They meet up with Ron in front of the metal wall, panting, sweating.   
  


     Enid’s heartbeat slows but the opposite happens to Carl, he’s nervous and wonders if Sasha or Morgan might have seen them. Ron and Carl try to comfort the girl but they can’t. Her mind goes blank, she hears no sound and the world is spinning around her. Her pupils dilate, her vision feels fuzzy. Her eyes roll back into her head and she falls to the ground, Ron can’t wake her. Carl addresses Ron to help him carry her to a nearby bush to hide just in case any walkers or anyone in the community spots them. 

 

“We need to take her to the infirmary,” Carl states, he’s not sure what else to do but Ron disagrees and they both know why.

 

“We can’t! Let's go before we get confused for those things and get out brains blown out or become walker meals.”Ron rubs the back of his head, he’s worried about what’s going to happen next. 

 

“Ron-”Ron doesn’t listen, he continues to pace and Carl continues to call him out-”Ron!”

 

“WHAT.”

 

“We have to take her to Denise, you know that. Who knows for how long she’ll be out!” Carl stands, making sure to look behind him and look at Enid, making sure a walker isn’t busy eating her.

 

“I didn’t want to say this but what if...what if we leave her?”

There’s silence. The leaves rustle from a short distance away, Ron knows it’s walkers but Carl refuses to leave Enid. “Like you said, who knows how long she’ll be out but-”

 

“BUT NOTHING! We can NOT leave Enid out here like this. She fainted and she will wake up. I don’t know when but she will and...and what are we going to say if Deanna or your 0mom ask where she’s been? Or why she hasn’t been seen?” Carl huffs and puffs, he’s ready to punch Ron but he knows he can’t, he knows he shouldn’t. Not now at least.

 

After a  _ bit _ of arguing, Ron doesn’t know how he began arguing with Carl in leaving behind Enid to suddenly ending up in Rick’s attic without people noticing. The trio are all sweaty, panting, and pumped full of adrenaline and shock. Ron begins to panic, his heart racing faster by the minute as he paces around the attic. Kicking and shuffling items around to keep his mind off of the situation. He stops, he turns to face Carl and Enid then he tells them he can’t be there and shouldn’t be there, he tells them...he wants nothing to do with them. Carol walks into the house right at the moment Ron leaves, she asks him why he looks so spooked but he speaks absolutely no words besides a small hitched exhale of his breath. The sudden cold breeze hits his face, numbing his rosy cheeks like a dodgeball hitting his lips, making them feel like bloody static. Behind Carol stands a short lanky blond hair boy, Sam. He shakes out his brother’s name, he’s freezing. Ron spots this and removes his jacket, handing it to his quiet little brother. Carol smiles at the sight of a caring brother thinking back to the day she asked Sophia if she wanted a sibling. When Sophia said yes, Ed overheard and decided against it in a cruel manner. Ed just being Ed, a monster.

Ron pats the top of Sam’s head, leaving with a shiver in his spine with the cold air hitting his arms and spine from under his loose grey shirt.

Carol asks Sam to close the door behind them, so he does. 

Carl and Enid sneak downstairs to the first floor hoping no one is around. Enid coming down from her shock and Carl feeling sick over almost losing someone else. He’s never felt this way besides Noah. Dean makes the assumption of Noah’s death did make a huge impact on Carl, he feels weaker and vulnerable. He makes the conclusion that Rick, his dad, and his very own lover would be upset, ashamed.

The two walk to the kitchen, Enid shuffles her feet on the cold floor. 

Carol peaks her head out of the kitchen, she observes the room and recognizes the two teenagers sneaking about.  “Carl, what are you doing sneaking around?” She jokes.

Carol finally reveals her entire self out of the kitchen, leaving Sam to wait for the cooking to begin and walks towards the two nervous teens. The lady in a tan cardigan slows her pace as the sight of dried blood with a tiny piece of Walker skin in her hair, bloodstained shoes, and decomposed remains on her shirt. This sight causes Carol to ask many questions.

 

“Oh my God Enid! What in the hell happened to you?” She yells, unfortunate enough to scare Sam, who runs out only to be shoved back into the kitchen and told not to come out for a small while. “Were you shot? What happened?” Enid’s breath hitches, her chest hurts, unexpectedly she starts to sob. Her wails alarm Sam, his gut instinct was to find out what was happening due to his young curiosity but continues to stay in the kitchen. He hides in the pantry like he hides in his mom’s closet at home. The cries remind him of home and it frightens him. Carol tries to calm the crying Enid but she can’t do anything, all she can do is hold her until Enid stops, that’s going to be a while as far as Carol can see. Carol looks up to face Carl with his hands on his hips and mouth slightly opened.

 

“Enid was hiding in a hollow tree and a walker noticed her. She was scared, a walker grabbed her, let her go, it almost bit her but it was shot...right in front of her.”

 

Carol doesn’t want to seem rude but she’s had worse happen right in front of her...however, Enid is a child who hasn’t been through a lot. She hasn’t had to deal with walkers like Rick’s group, like Carl. “Was she bit?” Carl doesn’t answer, he shrugs his shoulders while harshly biting his lip, almost bleeding. “Were you bit?” She asks Enid.

 

“I don’t know…”   
  


“Enid, I need you to tell me. Were you  **BIT** ?” Enid’s nose scrunches up with anger, her eyes watery and puffy.

  
“I  **DON’T** KNOW!”  Her scream echoes throughout the house, Sam squeezes his hands against his ears. Carl comes running to Enid and Carol tries to contain the shaking Enid. A soft whisper manages to escape Enid’s lips, “I don’t know…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enid.  
> Thought this was a funny joke but I don't know now haha!


	11. You?

Enid and Carol are the only two people in Carol's place and after Enid had yelled I don't know, Carl ran out of the house and into his own. Carl stays in his house, pacing and panicking. He impatiently waits for Rick's return and dear God does Carl need him now. Back a Carol's, Carol triple checks Enid in order to find bite marks and scratches, but finding none in the end; the two ladies sigh with contentment. Carol tells Enid to go shower since the blood will dry in her hair. Plus the rotting flesh will be much harder to remove if she lets it dry. Not to mention **,** the damn smell of walker parts on anyone is excruciatingly gross. Enid is given a long blue towel, a color that just so happened to soothe her for a short time. She walks up the stairs slowly, walks into the bathroom slowly, and finally getting into the shower slowly. No more than three minutes later, Enid is sitting on the bathtub floor, hugging her knees tightly against her breasts, and crying. Her sobs can be heard from two rooms down if anyone was in there .  Carol walks upstairs to ask Enid if she wants to stay in her home for a short time. Carol would rather not until she was right at the bathroom door hearing a young girl cry like it was the last day of school in fourth grade. Carol asks the question, secretly hoping Enid would say, "No thank you" so she can pack and leave Alexandria. However, Enid says ‘yes, thank you,' and Carol gives a sigh that can't be heard from the other side. Guess Carol has to postpone those plans of leaving this community for a while. Carl, on the other hand, stops pacing and is on his way out of his house to look for Rick. Except, as soon as he opened the door, he comes face-to-face with Carol. She tells the boy that Enid wasn't bitten nor scratched and she's okay. The boy questions the woman, “I checked three times,” was her reply. Delighted, Carl hugs the woman and she hugs back. After doing so, Carol tells him that her plans of leaving Alexandria won't happen for a little while longer so he has plenty of time to make up his mind. He asks how long and she says that he has only about a week, maybe less. Carol almost left without Carl, she thought Carl had this emotional connection with this community so she didn't bother asking him what he wanted, but now that there is more time, she thought about asking again.

.Carol goes back into her home after making sure Carl understands, then Carl closes the door to his house behind him. He walks away, not noticing the goosebumps forming on his skin due to the cold. Carl continues to look for Rick, but not for Enid anymore. He runs out looking for Rick, ignoring the fact that he forgot his jacket. He finds Rick talking to Maggie near the gates, they met up with Sasha until she had to return to her job but Carl doesn't know that. He only knows that Maggie and Rick are laughing about who knows what and Carl wonders how someone can laugh at this day in age. Then again, it's Rick, he can make anyone laugh. Rick can see someone coming towards them from his peripheral vision so he looks to his right and it's his beautiful, loving, not problematic son. “Where's your jacket?” Rick asks.

“You look tired, what’s the matter, Carl?” Maggie adds on. Carl states he’s fine and he simply hasn’t had enough sleep the past few days, “I understand kid,” Carl politely yet awkwardly smiles at Maggie since he doesn’t know what else to do.

“Hey dad, can I speak to you?” Carl asks. Rick says it’s alright with him but Maggie is still there, “Alone please.”

Maggie takes the obvious hint, “By the tone of your voice, I assume this is important huh?” She laughs at her own joke without a punchline. Rick and Carl leave the area to walk around. Rick asks his son what’s wrong and is everything is alright since Carl looks like crap and as if he’s seen some crap recently.

Carl reassures Rick that everything is okay. That there is nothing to worry about. “Look, the reason I came out here to talk to you is that I wanted to tell you that I…” Carl rolls his eyes at himself, “I  _ need _ you,” Carl has been under so much stress, a little bit of Rick-even just the tip-in his mouth or taken up the ass would release him of his ongoing headaches. Rick is taken by surprise, these words were not what he expected. “I _ really need _ you.”

Rick looks around, lowering his voice he asks, “Now? I mean...now?”

Carl groans, “Yes, now. It’s now or never again.” Rick asks Carl what he meant by ‘ _ never _ ’ but Carl only shrugs it off like it didn’t mean anything to him. “By  _ never _ , I mean exactly that.” Rick, not being able to resist Carl, his lovely pink lips, and the way his own son looks after sex, gives in. Carl leads Rick behind the church, the closest building to them. The back is a bit small, but it’s big enough so they don’t feel claustrophobic. Rick looks around in case Pete is hiding in the bushes again. Carl rushes down to his knees, ready to take his father whole if he has to. However, Rick doesn’t notice and keeps a lookout for anyone around. Finally, Rick looks in front of him and then below him. He sees his son licking his lips like a tramp and Rick becomes harder than a rock will ever be. Carl quickly pulls Rick’s pants down, revealing a penis covered up by plain green boxer briefs. Carl is too impatient to take two seconds to remove the underwear so he massages and sucks on the penis with the underwear.

Carl sucks and massages until he’s had enough. He removes the underwear, causing Rick to almost lose his balance.

“You really wanted this didn’t you?” Rick moans out.

“Not wanted, I need,” is all Carl says before going down and taking in all of his father, sucking and licking like no other. Rick moans with his mouth wide open and pulls on his son’s hair the way Carl likes it. Then, Rick massages the boy’s scalp causing his eyes to roll back. Rick pulls out his dick from Carl’s mouth and then shoves it back in, inducing a gag. Rick shoves his dick deeper and deeper, making sure his son takes all of him inside. After a minute of gagging Carl and having him produce tears, Rick allows his son to catch his breath and then thrusts inside his son’s mouth a few more times. To Rick, whenever the two of them have any type of sex, whether it’s oral or anal, Carl’s mouth is just a hole he can fuck. For the moment that is all Carl is. A boy with a fuckable mouth. Carl forces himself to catch his breath or else he will pass out, he strokes the man’s dick and within the fifth stroke, the boy sucks his father again. Rick (only thinking of his son’s beautiful hole of a mouth and amazingly toned body) cums inside his son’s mouth. It caught them both by surprise, Rick exited his first favorite hole too early. The cum spilled out from the mouth and onto his lips, shirt, and dripped onto the cold grass.

Rick motions for his pants to be put back up again but instead, Carl strokes the man again. Rick holds onto Carl’s shoulder and hair and holds in his moan, the moan he knows will get them caught if he lets it out. From a short distance, the two of them can hear Abraham yelling at Eugene about bullet making.

“You of all people should know that!” Rick and Carl, frankly, don’t care about the subject of their chatting but want them away from the area so it can just be Rick and Carl. Rick groans, he wants one day where he does not have to hear anyone whining, bitching, crying, or screaming unless it’s from Carl begging for more. Carl moans, sucking his dad again, taking in all of him as best he can. Sure Carl’s given his Rick a blow job before but it was sloppy and awkward. It was more about Rick feeling great rather than making Carl feel amazing and forget what had just happened with his friend and a walker. Or what could have happened?  Carl has never made himself gag and cry to please someone he loves so much and he loves this very much. He thinks and knows he’ll most definitely do this again.

“Goddammit Carl,” Rick stutters. Rick cums for the second time inside Carl’s mouth, this time due to the vibrations coming from Carl’s humming, “You’re so good to me baby boy. God, what did I do to deserve you?” Rick asks himself as he runs his long fingers through his son’s brown hair. Carl isn’t sure if that was meant to be a compliment but nonetheless blushes. Rick lets his cum leak from the teen's lips, he likes this view. Rick likes seeing Carl smile, cum leaking from the sides and tear stained cheeks from trying to take all of his father to please himself. Such a beautiful image, Rick analyzes.  Carl stands up, licking up the residue and smiling with rosy cheeks. His lips red and plump due to friction, he sure was a beautiful sight to see.

Carl tightly hugs his dad, so tight it almost hurt, “You have no idea how much I need that. How much I needed you.”

“I bet,” Rick squeezes the boy’s ass, “do you think you need any more or…”

“No, I’m alright for now. I only needed to suck someone today, you just so happened to be the closest person nearby,” Carl jokes. Rick nervously laughs, he’s not sure whether or not Carl is joking. Carl kisses his lover’s lips and cheek before leaving the back of the church to return to Carol’s.

Rick stands alone, his pants lie low still, “Closet person nearby?” he asks himself. “Does he fuck other people?” Carl wasn’t exactly joking, per se. Jesus was the closest person and if Carl wasn’t in love with Rick, he would have sucked Jesus off. Rick, to put in simple terms, can’t take a joke if it involves Carl and sex in the same sentence, he gets jealous. On the way back to Carol’s, Carl laughs at his unfunny joke, thinking he’s a comedian but who cares who find his joke funny or not, he knows he’s a comedian. A good one at that. Then, he seriously contemplates sucking off other guys in Alexandria. It’s been the end of the world for a long time, who wouldn’t want a blow job if they could die the next day or the next hour, hell even the next minute! Carl shrugs the thought away as he could ever do something like that to Rick. He loves his Rick, more than anything or anyone in the world.

“I’m no whore!” Carl tells himself, he didn’t mean to say it out loud but he did anyway. He looked around to see who heard him, the only person who heard him was a little kid playing with a dirty toy truck. The kid wasn’t older than ten and as embarrassed as Carl was, he blushes and speed walks away.

Meanwhile, Michonne, Daryl, Aaron, and Glenn find themselves stranded in the middle of a dirt road because the car chose this moment to stop working. The others ask Glenn to fix it, he does need something to do. They all put in some effort into moving the car to a safer location, they move the car close to some high trees and bushes. Glenn and Daryl say it won’t take more than an hour or so if they run to the nearest gas station to look for some gas. Daryl and Glenn run off leaving behind Aaron and Michonne to protect their items including the car. Michonne asks Aaron how he’s been doing since...everything and his reply was simple. More simpler than most, “Yeah.”

He asks her how she’s been doing, “I’m doing just fine, I’m only worried about Glenn at this point. I’m not sure how he’s holding up.”

“I don’t know him very well but I know him enough to know that he wasn’t like this before he met Nicholas-” Aaron coughs-”I mean, right?” The woman agrees.

“I used to go on supply runs with him-before Alexandria that is. He wasn’t as unstable and you could always see a small hint of hope in his eyes...in everything he did or said,” Michonne gulps, “Now, I’m not so sure what’s going on with him. I’m afraid he’s going to get himself into more trouble.” The two of them talk for a while. They get to know each other better now that they have time, unfortunately, a little time later they hear a scream coming from the woods. Michonne commands Aaron stay behind to make sure no one takes anything (as if anyone is around them) and she runs off to look for the woman who screamed. Deep into the woods, Michonne looks for the screaming woman, she doesn’t want her to die, her mission is to bring as many people back to Alexandria as safely as possible. The woman is limping away from walkers, she’s wailing and then she falls to her knees. Her back turned, her hands grasping the dirt and tearing out the grass. She accepts her fate and stops wailing, only silent sobs came out of her. The woman covers her face, she doesn’t want to see the horror of what her future mutilated body will look like.

“Please, Mikey, don’t do this.”

Michonne jumps in just in time, she slices and dices the three walkers. A walker stands up from the half-eaten dead man, it walks towards Michonne and she can’t help but hesitate to kill the walker. It’s small, recently turned, and a kid. The walker was the lady’s brother, he'd been bitten a while ago and had now died and turned, he killed his father and was ready to kill his sister. Michonne isn’t ruthless, she doesn’t push the walker down and stab it, instead, she grabs her knife and stabs the turned in the head. Normally she would let the walker slide off and fall with a big thud but instead, she catches the small walker and lies him softly on the ground. Michonne asks the lady if she’s alright and the woman shakes her head with fear. Her little brother was murdered in front of her and she’s grateful, she’s never felt such guilt before and hopes she never will again. The two of them return to the car, they see Aaron talking to Daryl and Glenn about how they should approach hitchhikers and groups. However, they were interrupted by Michonne calling out to them.

“What the hell?” Daryl yells, running to them. They sit her down inside the car to rest before asking her what had happened. They give the woman some water and rub off the dirt and blood from her forehead with a wet cloth, “How long were you out there?” he asks her.

“A few months maybe, we were with another group until they kicked us out,” she sobbed remembering how good her family had it before the world turned to garbage, how good she had it in her group before getting kicked out. Aaron asks who we are, “my husband, my brother, and me. We were out there looking for food every day and, and…”

Michonne added, “Your son was bitten.”

“That wasn’t my son,” she sniffs, Michonne is taken by surprise, “that was my brother and he was bit less than a week ago, he was a strong kid with a good immune system. I’ve seen others turn in half a day or less than an hour. Mikey...he was stronger than most. Protected us and he was only thirteen,” the lady sobbed and sobbed and sobbed but she couldn’t get herself to stop, she recently lost her brother less than a week ago to the virus and now he’s gone. Daryl and Glenn are taken by surprise by how long it took for her brother to turn. Nowadays and ever since the beginning, people turn in under an hour or in a few minutes, sometimes even half a day but half a week? Having some time left after being bit and infected is a blessing. Not to mention, a curse.

Glenn clears his throat, “We have a community, it has walls and..and it’s safe! You can join us there and all you have to do is contribute as best you can,” Daryl and Michonne look at each other. Almost as if they shared the same  thought because they nodded, agreed to let the woman come with them. SImply out of pity.

“We were out scouting for other survivors, people we think can survive a long time and have the will to protect others and you can be one of us,” Aaron adds, “will you join us?”

The lady hesitates, she thinks back to the group she was formerly in. The people there were rude to her and her family. They disliked her, put her in harm's way because she was an easy target. The woman hopes it won't happen again and would rather say no tp Aaron and the others except, she really needs a place to stay and survive now that it’s much colder, “Absolutely.”

  
  
  


Back in Alexandria, Rick looks back at the blowjob and the words he was given by his son flutters in his mind. He sits at the church bench, crossing his legs, he ponders. Deanna walks by, she’s been meaning to talk to Rick for a while, “You look like you’re thinking hard. Still thinking about ending it with Jessie, I see.”

Rick gives a closed smile, he’s not really in the mood to talk about Jessie. He feels guilty about dating a married woman, he feels guilty enough about dating his own son while dating a married woman who he’s cheating on. It’s all a big mess and Rick really doesn’t want to get into that, “That’s exactly what I’m thinking about,” he sighs.

“So, are you going to take some responsibility here and break it off or are you gonna sit around and mope?”

“Is there a third option?” Rick jokes and Deanna raises her eyebrows.

“Rick, you have to make a choice, make the right choice.”

“I genuinely like Jessie,” this was true but he’s not so sure anymore, “ I haven’t had anyone since my wife died and Jessie is different. She’s amazing,” Rick faces Deanna, who isn’t amused, “Think about what kind of haircut she’ll give me if I end it.”

Deanna doesn’t laugh, “You know what the right thing to do is. You are the prime example of what your group is like. As a leader, you need to know the difference between right and wrong, plus how to make the right choice. If you can’t now with something so simple, is your group the same as you?” Rick takes a moment to process her small speech, he asks what she said makes any sense to her and she declares, “yes. It shows what type of people you have if they’re following a former cop who can’t make up his mind when it comes to relationships. Groups are formed on the basis of a relationship, if you can’t decide now, your whole group might fall apart.”

“I get it,” Rick sighs.

“Do you?” Rick doesn’t say anything back, why would he if Deanna knows what comes out of his mouth will be another lie. “I won’t say this again, take care of your situation and I’ll see what I can do with Nicholas.” Deanna knows she can’t stay much longer with Rick since she will go off on him because she’s sure Rick won't take care of his situation unless it is life or death, that’s just the kind of leader he is. At the moment, Rick isn’t thinking of Jessie or anyone else but Carl, Carl is the only person he wants to be with but all he does with him is sex or some form of sex whether it’s oral or the regular form. Rick can’t lie to himself at the moment, he knows he loves Carl but Jessie...Jessie has experience and a figure and isn’t a teenager nor his daughter. However, she is married and Rick doesn’t want to risk anything of hers or his. Deanna says her  _ goodbyes _ and _ until next times  _ to him but then a call from the walkie-talkie comes in.

Sasha tells Rick that the group is back and brought back a woman, “She looks sick, we shouldn’t let her in. What if she's bitten?”

Rick looks at Deanna for confirmation but Deanna says nothing, lets Rick take the lead, “Let her in, we can help her. Then we let her go.”

An angry Sasha raises her voice, “What if she's bitten? She could hurt people here, cause chaos!”

Rick doesn’t respond, he jogs towards the gate to greet the group. Daryl helps the limping lady inside the community, the others carry the supplies they found on the way to find other survivors only then for the car to run out of gas. Deanna shortly after arrives at the gate with Denise and they all take the woman back to the infirmary where they examined her and made sure she wasn’t bit or scratched. On the way there, Rick catches Jessie’s eye, they stare at each other momentarily before going forward with their day. Inside the infirmary, the woman is asked many questions by Rick about her former group, her name, her age, how many people she’s killed, how many walkers, and so on. “My name is Daniela, I came from a terrible group…” she refuses to say more. Rick demands to know more, Daryl tells him to calm down but Rick won’t listen until Deanna intervenes. She forces Rick to sit down and takes control over the situation, Deanna asks Daniela how old she is, “I’m seventeen,” she’s so young...and fragile looking. Those in the infirmary wonder how she wasn’t eaten alive a long time ago or moments before meeting the group outside Alexandria/ However, the people inside the infirmary don’t know it  was her brother, her very little brother, who protected her with everything he had despite contracting the virus less than a week ago. He fought as hard as he could to protect her only to turn on her. Daniela looks much older than seventeen, if she hadn’t told anyone her real age, she could pass for a twenty-four-year-old but she chose to be truthful unlike in her other group. Deanna doesn’t ask any further questions nor does she let Rick ask anything and demands he leave before he makes the situation worse. Halfway onto the street, Rick involuntarily changes the path from going to see Carl to visiting Jessie. Pete isn’t in the house, he’s with Abraham, Toby, and a couple others, drinking a few beers, eating a few sandwiches before going back to work on the wall that’s allowing Alexandria to grow and be more protected. Rick knocks on Jessie’s door, she doesn’t answer. He knocks again, he can hear her struggle with the doorknob, it’s an old door Reg managed to find after building the house, he found the door while the apocalypse was going on and he was lucky enough not to have died in the process. He actually risked his life for an old door but it was worth it now that he sees people protected by the walls he built and the doors that give them all privacy and gives the people a sense of security. Jessie opens the door, she’s surprised to see Rick at the door and asks what he’s doing there. Although Rick wasn’t invited into the house, he goes in anyway.

“Jessie, I came to see you, I wanted to see you,” Rick takes his hands off his hips, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands but place them in his pockets. Jessie doesn’t know how to respond, the vagueness is all too much and she asks him to elaborate. “I don’t know what I mean. I wanted to see you, so I came, is that so bad? I mean, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and I acted on it. So I’m here,” Rick rambles on as if he’s speaking to himself at this point as if Jessie isn’t in the room with him and he’s alone. Overall, Rick is confused with his feelings, he knows if he were to talk with Carl about how he feels, Carl would probably end the awry relationship in a second. This is wrong, Carl would wallow in the pain and guilt but wouldn’t end the relationship, he wouldn’t make Rick choose. He would tell Rick: It’s all okay. He would allow Rick to stay with Jessie no matter how much it hurts because Carl feels weak and doesn’t want to lose Rick. If the universe were a person, the universe would think Carl already lost Rick from the moment Rick met Jessie. The universe would speculate Rick and Carl were never meant to be together to begin with and ask why they can’t see that. However, Carl can see that but Rick can’t. Rick wants both, he is convinced he can have both but in reality, having both isn’t healthy for Carl or him and Jessie is left in the dark. It already isn’t healthy and Jessie is already in the dark.

Jessie watches Rick walk around touching objects in the house and placing them back, “Why are you here?” she asks.  Rick sighs, Jessie steps towards him, she places her hand on his shoulder, gently turning him around to face her. Her fingers interlock with his curly hair, “You think it’s time for another haircut, don’t you think?” He smiles at her, he wonders if he does genuinely like her as he said he did. She leans in for a kiss and he complies, his hands leave his pocket, they now tug at her waist. Their fronts touch and he brings them to the couch, she sits on top of Rick, grinding against him. She forces her tongue inside his mouth, he pushes it out, “Is something wrong?” Rick informs her that he was surprised there was tongue involved and apologizes, they resume back to kissing and he allows her tongue to probe his mouth even if he isn’t a fan of tongue kissing. She kisses him sloppily, slobber all over his mouth and he stops the moment. She asks what’s wrong again and he sighs.

“Not that I know but lately I feel like I’m supposed to tell you something.”

Jessie teases Rick, “Now what might that be?” Rick concentrates on her lips, pink and soft looking. He never noticed how truly pretty she is. He never noticed how she makes him feel. He guess when he told Deanna he really liked Jessie, he meant it. All he wanted was to have a little quickie with her now and then and suddenly, he falls for her. Suddenly he falls for his son. Now he doesn’t know what he wants.  He doesn’t remember what he was doing at Jessie’s place when Pete could come back at any moment.

“I’m not sure,” he smiles, forgetful of what he wasn’t supposed to do. The answer was staring right at him but he didn’t care, he was caught up in the moment, he brushed the guilt, fear, stress, worries, the thoughts of Carl away and focused on the one person in front of him. He hugged and kissed her, he was caught up in the moment. Jessie moaned, her palms on the warm, rose-colored cheeks of her lover, she was caught up in the moment. Together they removed their clothes, their bodies tangled up on top of the couch, tugging, grinding, kissing, and moaning, their sounds filled the air. Suddenly, it was becoming too hot to breathe.

  
  


They were caught up in the moment.   


 


	12. La Vie En Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter than my others but don't worry, my last chapter is the longest of them all.   
> :)

          Carol's plans to leave are postponed so for now, she sits on the living room couch while reading a book that’s missing half the cover and missing more than a few pages. Carol is enjoying her time reading, it’s soothing for her. Enid comes jogging down the stairs acting like nothing happened. Enid sees a book she’s read before in the hands on Carol, she ask Carol why she’s reading that book. Carol states it’s because she can and Enid asks if she can spoil the ending for her, Carol declines the offer because the book doesn’t have the last pages nor part of the middle section of the book, so Enid spoiling it for her is out of the question. She is asked why she is reading a book with missing pages, Carol says it because she can make up her own ending and sections of the story, make it her own.  

“That sounds stupid,” Enid states.  

 

“Yeah well, think what you want. This is how I’ve always wanted to live my life and reading did that for me.” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

          Carol positions herself farther from the middle of the couch so Enid can sit, after Enid sits Carol speaks. She describes her past experiences before and after the apocalypse, “I was married to this person, Ed, he was a bad man. Never let me do anything I wanted and I had to ask permission for whatever and even than, he wouldn’t let me…” Enid tilts her head, grasping the idea of what type of man Ed was, “I had a dream where my daughter and I would travel the world without Ed. But, they’re dead now, almost everyone in the world is dead, hmm...doesn’t matter now. Reading used to help me go into a world where it was just me and Sophia. Now, it’s just me.” Enid takes notice of the long silent pause, “I can’t travel the world. I can, however, travel the state we’re in. The country even! So that’s what I plan to do.” 

 

          Enid tilts her head again, she’s confused, “How are you going to do that?” Carol knows Enid has no one besides Carl or Ron and she wouldn’t tell anyone about her secret so Carol tells Enid what she’s going to do. 

 

“I’m working on it,” She clears her throat, “I’m leaving Alexandria for good some time soon. Maybe after you’re okay.” Enid nods. 

“I’m better now but when you do leave, tell me goodbye before you leave?” Enid bites the inside of her cheek, it bleeds, “Please?” 

 

“Sure kid. I will, don’t worry.” Carol pauses, she inhales deeply, thinking about what she’ll do that day, “Are you hungry?” Enid says yes and from there they enjoy a lunch together while getting to know each other. 

 

          Meanwhile, Jessie and Rick finish their business. While she gets clothed she asks Rick to do the same before Pete comes home to find them in this mess. Rick does what he is asked of him,  unfortunately, he senses a wave of guilt towering over him and it hurts his stomach. He takes a look outside the window, buttoning his shirt up while observing the area around him. Identifying Deanna and Reg chatting, laughing, and enjoying the moments they have together. Seeing Deanna jogs something in Rick's head because he finally remembers what he was supposed to do, he frowns. Remembering what he has to do is a pain in the ass, he didn't and still does not want to end it with her, not yet at least. She asks him what’s wrong, Rick sighs and she asks again, expecting something simple to escape him.  She is open about her thoughts on how much Rick sighs, he’s always doing it and it bothers her because he's constantly doing it with her around. Out of nowhere, she offers a haircut that Rick isn’t in need of, he backs up admitting he doesn’t want a haircut, not to mention in no way does he need one. He questions her about why she wants to give him a haircut so badly, she admits she only wanted to keep Rick with her a little longer. Rick chuckles, amused by her efforts he kisses her cheek. She offers some oatmeal she made before Rick arrived, he could never say no to her so he accepts. To keep the conversation going on, she asks him why he was running to the gate.

No response. 

          She asks again, he won't respond. Rick is off in his own little world, contemplating whether he should end it now or later. He plays with the idea of having only Carl, how much easier it would be with only Carl. He toys with the idea of continuing having both or only having Jessie...his replaying fantasies are interrupted when she raises her voice to then grab his attention. Rick tells the woman a new girl is here, going into detail on how she looks so Jessie can know who she is when they meet, if they ever meet. He tells her the girl is seventeen and her name is Daniela but she isn’t all that interested, she only wanted to make conversation and by the looks of it, in no way does she seem to care at all for Daniela. She is a stranger who was allowed entrance simply because a group took pity on her. Rick places the bowl in the sink, then kisses the womanbefore leaving. She asks him to come back soon for that haircut though Rick doesn’t say anything, nor does he turn around to wave goodbye. He leaves without a word, he can’t stop contemplating what to do.  

          Rick goes back to his house in case Carl, Deanna, or anybody else needs him for any reason, they’ll know where to find him. The time it took for him to walk back home took considerably longer than usual. Maybe it was how he found himself pacing slower or perhaps he stopped at random moments to play through a scene in his head. Except, it was all the above. Nothing makes sense anymore, to him at least. With an intensive kick, a rock sailed into the air, landed on a soft patch of grass leaving Rick more frustrated than he originally was. Rick sped up, he arrived at his house although he hesitated to walk in. He was nervous, seeing Carl would prompt him to come crashing down. It wasn’t such a good idea to go inside, nonetheless, he went in. He hears nothing. He goes upstairs, peeks into his room and hears the shower running. Rick enters his room and closes the door behind him, he looks at the clothes leading towards the bathroom, he sits on the bed while observing the clothes. Carl’s flannel, his grey shirt, a pair of his underwear. Rick picks up Carl’s sweatshirt he holds it tightly in his hands until his knuckles turn white and throws the sweatshirt across the room without a sound. He can hear Carl humming a tune Lori used to sing to him when Carl couldn’t sleep as a kid. It was a soothing tune, one he doesn’t know the name of but it always calmed Carl at the worst times. Rick sits on the bed, waiting for God knows what. Rick himself fails to know why and what he waits for.  Carl continues to hum until the shampoo bottles hit the ground causing a loud thud. “Shit!” he yells out, the word echoes, escaping the bathroom seeping into the bedroom. Rick grins to himself, he considers what happened was sort of cutesy in some way. The shower is turned off, the pulling of the shower curtain can be heard as well as Carl struggling to put on a pair of pants over his underwear. Rick straightens himself out as Carl leaves the bathroom while putting on his second sweatshirt. He is surprised to see Rick in front of him, Carl thinks to himself: Why is he just sitting there? Did he need to use the bathroom? In that case, he could have used another in the house… 

 

          Carl asks what his dad is doing in the room sitting on the bed like a creep, “It’s my room too,” Rick replies.

 

“I get that but what are you doing here? I mean, shouldn’t you be helping Abraham or something?” 

 

          Rick licks his lips and stands, “Yes but Pete is there. I don’t want any tension between me and him since he does know about  _ us _ , son.” Rick leans in closer, placing his hands on Carl’s hips, squeezing the soft skin. Rick can’t help himself, he needs Carl to tell him he wants him. He wants Carl to tell him he needs him. He needs Carl’s affirmation to stay with him and not Jessie but Rick isn’t going to get that. He mumbles under his breath, “I love you, Carl..” Carl didn’t understand a single word that came out of his dad’s mouth after son. 

 

“Right,” Carl swiftly puts on his old, dirty shoes. Unable to clear his throat, Rick asks Carl how his friends are, “They’re fine. In fact, we’re all fine, how are your friends?” Carl asks, mocking his dad. Rick shrugs, he gives a sly smile as he imagines Jessie asking the question like a loving and caring wife she could be. Carl sees his father caught up in his own little world and heads out the bedroom door. Rick checked out of his trance, he follows Carl out the door and tells Carl he’ll tag along. “No, I don’t need you pampering me.” 

 

“Where are you going?” 

 

“Visiting Enid.” 

 

“I’ll go with you!” At this point, Rick is demanding to go. Insisting he should go and see what they do when they’re all together. He carries an immense amount of guilt for a while now and he wants to make it up to Carl. He keeps declining but Rick won't take no for an answer on this.

 

“For the second time, no!” They’re both down the stairs at the front door, Carl stops with his hand on the door handle. He composes himself,  “It’s better if you didn’t.” 

 

“Why? What are you trying to hide?” Rick grows concerned like a father would and not want to keep his son around for other reasons. Carl huffs and puffs, his mouth gapes open, he wants to tell Rick but telling him isn’t the best idea.  

 

“I’m not hiding anything! Look, I don’t want you following me around when I’m with my friends, it’s weird! It makes you look like a love-sick puppy!” Carl tried to put it in the nicest words possible without sounding like an asshole but it was all he could think of at the moment, “It doesn’t make sense but you know what I’m trying to say.” Rick nods, he asks one more time, in a soft tone and Carl calmly declines. He leaves before Rick can say or do anything else.  Carl goes out to find Ron, who’s at the church doing nothing but sit inside on a bench while reading his dirty old comic book. Carl finds him inside the church after a few minutes of searching. He questions Ron on why he’s in the church when no one else is. 

 

         Ron responds with something trivial, “Sometimes Gabriel wont bother me.” Carl nods, he understands, but he expected more out of Ron. Not exactly sure what more is but something more. Carl invites him to see Enid but Ron says no, that it’s not in his best interest to see his friend after bolting out of fear. Carl places his hands on his hips, he explains Enid will understand why he bolted, hell, anyone would understand. Ron hesitates to give his official answer until Carl demands it. They head out of the church, Ron might as well visit his friend, it’s the right thing to do and it’s the one way to get rid of the guilt he’s been feeling from running away. On the way there they find themselves at the infirmary. Gabriel spoke about Daniela with Michonne in the church when she helped him put away some food he asked her to get him. Ron overheard while skimming through his comic book, one he already read, and demanded they go to the infirmary before seeing Enid. When they arrived, they caught the girl sitting and staring at nothing, passing time in her head. A blank stare caused shivers to flow down Ron’s back, he thinks she’s attractive in a mysterious way. The girl escapes her trance, through her peripheral vision, she spots the two teens watching her from the mirror and eyes them. Ron jumps and drags Carl into the infirmary, she then asks them what they were doing watching her. “We were scoping the place out. You know? For danger,” Ron clears his throat. He’s not acting like his usual self, when he’s around a pretty girl he becomes someone else, someone he wants to be and Carl can see right through that.  

 

“Right, In a gated community where there are ‘guards’ every ten feet,” a huge exaggeration but Daniela gives a cocky smile, she knows what game he is trying to play at. She prefers playing hard to get but there’s something off about how she decides to play hard to get when she was almost eaten alive by her younger brother not long ago. Ron stumbles through his words, he can’t figure out what other lines to give, he hasn’t had much practice or any practice at all to see if any of his lines work. Carl subtly rolls his eyes, he’s impatient and wants to leave already. Something inside Carl tells him Daniela isn’t a good person, then again, Carl has come across random people before Alexandria and they were never the nicest people so to speak. Daniela isn’t a threat but she might as well be.  

 

       She asks them what they’re doing there, she points out Carl looking impatient and bored, “This guy here, he’s not the friendly to strangers type. He doesn’t exactly have his gun with him so he won’t approach you. I’m Ron by the way. Oh and this is Carl,” she then introduces herself to them and sticks her hand out for the boys to shake it, Ron takes the first chance and jumps to shake her hand, Carl, on the other hand, gives a blank stare at the hand. He didn’t want to touch or look at her, she is a stranger. She could be a cold blooded killer or the sweetest girl out there but how could someone so sweet survive in such a cruel world. Regardless, Carl wants nothing to do with her. She asks again what they are doing t the infirmary checking up on a person they do not know. “We wanted to see who you were before we go off to check up on our friend. You’re welcome to join us if you like.” 

 

      Carl furrows his brows, pinching Ron’s side, making it seem like Ron glitched. 

 

“She can’t come,” Carl states as he turns to face his friend.  

 

        Daniela asks, “Why not? I’d like to know how your friend is doing, I have nothing else to do.” Carl grows frustrated, her tone and voice irritate him. He wouldn’t want to outright show his annoyance with her but he’s always been blunt (not with Rick lately). Carl thinks they’re wasting time by staying with her, he’s not entirely wrong but Ron is his friend. They’ve only recently become friends and it’s not to bad having another friend besides Enid.  

 

“Because I said no,” Carl’s tone causes Daniela to lean back and turn nervous. Ron punches his friend’s arm, “If you want to come, come. I don’t care but we are going to make sure my friend is okay and you won’t say a word,” Carl looks at Ron then back at her. “Stay if you want, go if you want but you already know I rather have you here and not mess anything up,” with that Carl leaves the infirmary and heads to Carol’s. Ron exhales, bites the inside of his lip since he’s embarrassed and says ‘bye’ to Daniela. He told her it was nice to meet her but he’s not sure about how Carl feels. 

 

          At Carol’s house, they find Carol reading in the living room and ask if Enid is anywhere in the house. Carol informs them about Enid being asleep and probably won’t wake up for a few hours due to all she’s been through in one day. Ron sits with them on the couch until the silence becomes unbearable, he hops off the couch to head for the restroom. There at least he won’t have to deal with the silence between three people. Carl watches Ron leave and he exhales deeply, he can finally tell Carol what he’s been dying to tell her. “I’ve made up my mind for good this time.” 

 

          Carol remains focused on her book and without looking up she answers, “What’s that?” 

 

“I’m going with you,” he gulps. 

 

“Are you completely sure? I’m taking care of Enid for a short while, so you still have some time to think about it,” Carol then looks up from her book and clenches her jaw. She can’t have him settling on a choice he'll regret. 

 

“I’m definitely and completely sure of it. Only if we leave after Enid is safe with Rick or Deanna and only after the wall has been fully built and guarded with people who know how to handle themselves.” 

 

          Carol closes her book and places it down, “Look Carl, I agree okay. I think this place needs more protection but you’re asking for too much. I’m not Deanna or Reg or Rick, I don’t have a say in what happens with the community,” Carl did ask for a little too much for one person but he really cares about her. Enid is his best friend, who wouldn’t do anything for their best friend? “Now, like I said. You still have time to think about it.” 

 

“And like I said, I made up my mind. I’m going with you,” Carl had his eyes set on leaving Alexandria one way or another. Carl insists on going home to pack his things so when it’s time they leave, he can grab it and go but Carol decides against it. She doesn’t want Carl getting ahead of himself. Carl declines the idea of spending more time on the thought and goes back home to get his stuff ready.  

 

          Carl enters his house, he spots Rick and Daryl going through some plan on their next supply run. Carl asks them where Glenn is and if he’s doing alright but the adults aren’t paying attention, so Carl asks again. Once again, they don’t pay attention and Carl goes up to them so he can nosey in on their plan. Carl shoves himself in between his father and Daryl, he gets closer to Rick. Daryl is laser focus on the plan, regardless on how focused, he pays more attention to his surroundings. Carl knows that therefore, he knows he can’t touch or get too close to Rick or else Daryl will call them out and it won’t be pretty. Instead of staying any longer, Carl leaves but not before he can pat Rick on the back. He heads upstairs and into his room, he grabs a school bag he found outside of Alexandria one time and stuffs his clothes in there, as much as he could but also leaving enough space to put his weapons and snacks there. He plans on sneaking into the armory to steal his gun back and bullets, maybe his dad’s machete, however, his dad might need it so Carl isn’t completely sure. He does plan on stealing two or three other guns the night before he and Carol leave but for now, he thinks he has enough for the moment and to have as much ready as he possibly can. 

 

          Carl remembers Maggie has gone to church a few times recently so he assumes Maggie will be there and Glenn will be there too, hopefully. He wants to see Glenn before leaving, whenever that may be. He heads out to the church, normally he would take his time but he wants to know Glenn will get better soon and hopefully before Carl leaves. 

       Glenn is at the church with Maggie, he sits as she prays. She prays for the group’s safety, her safety, but most importantly Glenn’s sanity. Moments before she finishes, Carl arrives and he walks in silently. He can’t muster up the courage to ask how Glenn is doing so he hangs back near the benches without making himself noticeable. The couple converse on the situation with Nicholas and how it’s getting old. They talk about Glenn needing to let go, let go of Noah and everything with Nicholas because it’s not safe for his mental health. Glenn agrees as Carl overhears the entire conversation, he smiles to himself realizing that all Glenn needed was Maggie to put him in his place. It’s getting dark outside and much colder than usual. Carl thinks back to his moments with Daniela, he wonders if he was being a bit rude. In his mind, the least he can do is go up to her and apologize, he does exactly that but takes his sweet time in the freezing cold on the way to the infirmary. 

 

       At the infirmary, Daniela and Ron sit on the floor and share a protein bar, he made up an excuse about how there weren’t enough protein bars so they have to share. However, there were more than enough and Ron is very uncomfortable with the silence between them besides the munching.  Daniela asks “How come Carl is so - what’s the word - rude?” 

 

“Carl has come across pretty shitty people, by shitty I mean, nasty, Horrible people. People worse than those monsters out there, the type of people who’ll tear your throat out for a piece of lettuce evil,” Ron chuckles at his lettuce at his joke he thinks is comical until he looks at Daniela, who isn’t laughing at all. 

 

“I’ve encountered some really terrible people and I’m not like him at all,” she smirks. 

 

“I guess so but-” 

 

“But?” Daniela interjects, stretching out the u.  

 

“What are you trying to say anyways?” A confused Ron blurts out, he never knew this about himself but as it turns out, he doesn’t like it when someone is smack talking his friend or is about to. Daniela doesn’t want to say anything to Ron, he Ron resembles a pal of hers from her former group and they share a similar personality. Telling Ron anything about Carl would likely add up to her not having a single tiny chance at being friends with Ron. She takes her chances anyway. 

 

“He seems like the guy who acts better than others, believe me I know one when I see one,” Ron jumps up to his feet, “Now I’m not saying he isn’t better than others, maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t but-” 

 

“But nothing. Don’t expect to come in here and be all buddy buddy with me and then talk shit about my best friend. BY THE WAY, He’s saved my life and will continue to do so even if I don’t want to be saved. That’s the type of person he is not some self absorbed ass!” Ron’s chest rises and falls as his anger increases, “Carl wasn’t trying to be rude, he was being careful. If you haven’t noticed, he’s come across some incredibly heartless people out there and just because you two had different reactions or whatever, doesn’t make you better than him.” 

 

        Daniela apologizes for causing Ron to stand up for Carl, literally and figuratively.  

 

“I was never implying I’m better than him, I was-” 

 

“Save it for someone who cares,” just like that Ron leaves the infirmary. Busting the door opening and headed home, on the way there he sees Carl walking slowly, “What are you doing?” His voice is still deep and dry after all the anger that busted out of him. 

 

“You okay? Your throat doesn’t sound too good,” Carl fastens his speed so he can come face-to-face with Ron, who insists he’s fine and is on his way home. “Dude, you look upset, where’d you come from?” Ron explains everything to him and it upsets Carl, not because of what Ron went through and standing up for Carl but because Ron called him his best friend. After all the two have been through, Ron considers Carl his best friend and he doesn’t feel the same, he thinks Enid is his best friend but Enid fails to feel the same way. Like a love triangle that isn’t a triangle, more of a straight line. Carl makes no attempt at allowing his disappointment to show, it’ll upset Ron much more.  

 

“Where are you headed?” Ron asks, trying to change the subject. 

 

“Er, I was gonna see the girl…”Carl scratches the top of his head, “I’m not sure if I will now. I was gonna apologize but I don’t think she deserves the apology, what do you think?” Ron won’t protest, he informs he prefers Carl didn’t see her but he can’t stop him. Carl pats the back of his friend then heads towards the infirmary.  

 

          Inside, Daniela is still sitting on the floor, slowly chewing, enjoying the bar she was given. She hasn’t eaten something so good in a long time. The door opens and closes, making a creaking sound that startles the girl. She saw Ron from the window but who else would visit her at this time of day or night, she’s not sure what time day it is but it’s dark and that’s all she knows. Carl makes his presence known to the girl, “What are you doing here?” She asks. 

 

“I came to apologize for how I acted...It wasn’t right, I know that and I acted like an ass,” he gives her an awkward smile. 

 

         With pursed lips, Daniela only slightly tilts her head up to show confidence, “Apology accepted.” Carl furrows his eyebrows then relaxed, he wasn’t exactly apologizing then, it would have been nice if the girl waited, maybe it wouldn’t have made Carl tense up. She smirks, “What? Do you expect an apology as well?” Carl rolls his eyes, he turns to leave, “I was kidding!” Carl turns back around, expecting an explanation.  

 

“What?” 

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she gave him a tight-lipped smile without much effort. “Look, I get you don’t like me, okay? So you didn’t have to come here and apologize to me,” Daniela looks at the floor, clenching her jaw.  

 

“You think I don’t like you?” Daniela nods, “Well, I can see why I may not like you but I barely know you, I need to know you before I decided whether I like you or not.” 

 

“So we can get to know each other. we can become friends maybe? Ya know, start over.” 

 

“Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t know much about who you are but I know enough of what type of person you are to know you are toxic. Coming in here, talking shit about me, I don’t take kindly to that. Not when you think it’s alright to chat with my friend about how much you think that I think I’m better than others,” Daniela gulps, she blinks a few times, looking everywhere but Carl’s eyes. “Whose to say you aren’t like others out there?” His lips curl, he thinks about Daniela roaming the community causing trouble like Nicholas. The lights inside a house, visible from the infirmary, is on. The people there are there are talking among each other,  if she screamed they would come to her help, but why would she scream? Like her last group, she would scream when she had been scared, everyone would come running to her aid but it would always be a false alarm. However, she didn’t scream this time. 

 

“I’m not like others out there, I’m a good person. I won’t do anything to harm anyone,” her arms rise up, similar to when a police officer commands someone to put their hands up. She squawks out, “I’m not staying here long just so you know. I’m passing through, I’ll leave soon!”  

 

“What are you doing here in the first place?” Carl relaxes himself yet remains alert. Carl noticed he didn’t actually care why or what she’s doing in Alexandria. He’s realized he’s wasting time because he doesn’t want to see Rick waiting for him on the bed when Carl knows he’ll leave without telling Rick goodbye in a short time. He hopes Daniela’s reason is long. 

 

“A group from here found me, they brought me in. Said they were scouting? Some blonde, I think her name’s Denise checked me for bites or scratches about three times, maybe more to make sure. They said it was best I stay in here in case I start showing symptoms.” 

 

“You bit?” Carl instinctively reaches to his side for his gun but it’s not there, he inhales deeply. 

 

“No, not at all,” she responds. Carl exhales. Carl kind of wishes she were so he didn’t have to feel annoyed and could shoot her right then and there for being so annoying but that’s not like him. Even if she were bit, he couldn’t bring himself to shoot her. Danger, threats, is what he was taught to shoot. Carl leaves the infirmary, leaving her speechless. She lowers her arms, squinting her eyes, “asshole,” she says when he’s out of hearing range. 

 

“Bitch,” Carl says when Daniela is out of hearing range. 

 

         An irritated Carl forgot the reason he didn’t want to go home, he merely focused on protecting Ron, Enid, and himself from Daniela. He’s laser focused on Daniela becoming a threat, the cold weather isn’t affecting him. Inside his own house, Carl finds Rick on the couch, waiting for his son. The others are asleep or staying at Carol’s for a late dinner. She revealed she’s gonna continue doing so for a few days or more out of the kindness of her heart. Rick stands from the living room couch, Carl and Rick come towards each other. Carl expected something different from being pulled into a big cuddly hug. 

 

“I missed you,” Rick whispers into his son’s ear. Confusion can be shown on Carl's face. He squints his eyes and scrunches his nose, they saw each other earlier that day, why would Rick say he misses him? 

 

“Um, I missed you too, dad,” Rick then tells Carl how much he loves him and how much he never want to lose him, ever. Carl would never say this to his own dad, possibly because he’s never had the chance or because what they do is already creepy but he considers Rick is coming off a bit creepy or concerning, “I love you too, now goodnight,” Carl pats his dad’s shoulder, giving his cheek a small peck, finally off to bed. Rick followed suit after two minutes of pacing around the living room. He’s been missing Carl the entire day, ignoring him and his body while Rick was planning with Daryl made his gut wrench and now he wants to make it up to Carl. Rick takes his clothes off after seeing Carl already in bed, he assumes Carl wants to sleep than have a steamy make out session that leads to them falling asleep. Carl is already laying in bed with his clothes off and only in bed with his underwear on, he’s shaking. 

 

        Rick takes notice and holds him, asks him if everything is alright. Nevertheless, everything's not alright. Carl had made up his mind on leaving everything and everyone to leave some place because he can’t deal having a relationship with his own father who is having a relationship with a married woman. Not to mention, his relationship with his father isn’t romantic, it’s purely sexual but Rick inserts his  _ I love you _ ’s to satisfy his son when he doesn’t romantically love his own son. Rick doesn’t know who he loves anymore, all he knows - all they both know - is Carl is simply a hole Rick can fuck on a day-to-day basis. Carl shrugs under his father’s cold palms. Rick again asks if everything is alright, Carl lies, his voice breaking. He’s not crying but he might as well be, crying to him is a sign of weakness and he feels weak. Rick turns Carl around, holds him so tight it leaves no room for Carl to move, it’s not like he wanted to move. He’s perfectly fine where he is. Carl flinches at the kiss placed on his forehead, shocking Rick.  

 

“Somethin’ wrong, son?’ Carl bites his inner lip, it hurts but it helps him not blurt out his answer, Carl can’t help himself, it’s Rick, what can he do? 

 

“I love you, that’s the problem. I love you so fucking. much. And I can’t help myself!” Muffled into Rick’s chest and not escaping the room was Carl's cry. His voice broken and his whimpers faint. 

 

“Carl…I love you too.” 

 

“See that’s also the problem. You don’t love me,” Carl loosens himself from Rick’s grip, he sits himself up on the bed and not looking at Rick but the wall next to him, “You love Jessie and I’m just some toy you have to screw whenever  it pleases you, I don’t get it. I don’t get you. You say you’re gonna end it with her but you don’t, you say you love me but you don’t. You keep lying to me, why?” Rick loudly gulps, his son’s eyes peered into him, “I took care of myself before Alexandria, I didn’t show my weaknesses. I was strong, I didn’t cry, I didn’t shake, I didn’t want to scream every chance I got. Suddenly we fuck and I’m so tired and I feel weak with you and I don’t care because I’m with you but you don’t care.” 

 

“That ain’t true, Carl. I do care about you, I care so fuc-” 

 

“ _ You _ care? Right, your way of caring about me is telling me you love me and only me and then going off to screw her. Yeah, no you definitely love me, you definitely care about me,” Rick is speechless. He sits up as well, slides himself over to Carl, and holds him then kisses his cheek. “Is that your way of saying you’re sorry?” Carl jokes, his voice cracking, tears shimmered in his eyes. One by one, the tears glide down Carl’s cheek, landing on the sheets. “Is it?” 

 

“No, son, it’s not,” Rick lays Carl down, he starts kissing Carl’s neck and collarbone. Carl quietly sobs, his body is relaxed, he doesn’t want to leave Rick but it’s what’s best for them both. Rick props Carl’s legs above his own and moves his hands all over Carl’s body, “I love you, Carl,” Rick kisses Carl’s neck. “I love you a lot,” he kisses his collarbone again. Carl’s heart races as tears continue to fall at the sides of his face, damping his hair, “Dammit Carl, I love you so much,” Rick locks his hands with Carl, placing them above Carl’s head, then kissing his lips. Kissing him ‘till Carl forgets their argument. Rick kisses him anywhere and everywhere. Each kiss anywhere was small and passionate but the kisses on the lips were wet and hungry. Rough hands run through the younger one’s hair, no tugging at all, only a man being gentle with his lover, “I love you so  **fucking** much.” Suddenly, Carl is whimpering for more, more of the _I love you_ ’s. 

 

“Say it again,” Carl needily gasps out, they kiss. 

 

“I love  _ you _ ,” Carl pulls Rick into a deep kiss, their bodies tense up. 

 

“Again, please!” Carl needs more, needs to make sure it’s him Rick loves and only him. 

 

“I love  _ you _ ,” Rick kisses him again, Carl arches his back, begging for more.  For a moment, they stopped kissing, not to catch a breath but to look at each other. To take in each others presence, “I only love  _ you _ , Carl. Jessie means nothing to me.”

 

Carl groans and rolls his eyes, "Don't - Don't you dare bring her up, just keep telling me you love me, _please_!"

 

"I love you, Carl," Rick licks his lips, he feels guilt and sadness for his boy. Carl sniffs, he’s been tormented with his passion for Rick. He loves Rick with all he’s got but loving Rick isn’t all milk and honey. Loving Rick is difficult when you’re Carl because no matter how much Carl wants to believe Rick loves him, he can’t. He relaxes his body and lets it all go at this very moment.  

 

“I hate you.”


	13. Make up your mind!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the one month hiatus...I had a lot of studying to do because of finals so I wasn't able to post much.

It has been more than a few days since Rick and Carl spoke. It’s now morning but still dark outside and Rick is awake on the wooden floor next to the bed that Carl is currently lying on. For the past couple of days, Rick has been sleeping on the floor rather than on the couch downstairs, he refuses to leave his boy’s side. He can’t stand being apart from Carl anymore, he genuinely misses his boy. It took him more than a few days to realize how much he loves Carl.

six days to be exact.

 

Rick has a bad feeling for today, he’s afraid he didn’t fully plan out the supply run even though he, Daryl, and Glenn have worked on for the past six days. He gets up from the wooden floor, picks up his blanket and folds it. He places it on the edge of the bed and glances at the boy under the sheets. His eyes saddened at the sight of his son and he takes in a deep breath, exhaling three seconds later. The room is cold and dark. The only light shining through the window is from the moon, it allows Rick to pace around and fiddle with items laid out on the nightstand or drawers. He opens the drawers and grabs a random shirt and random pants and the outcome turns out better than he expected, not that he expected to look good in clothes he finds on runs. After putting his clothes on he glances back at Carl and wants to wake him but if he were to, Carl wouldn’t speak to him anyway so there’s no point. Rick’s eyes trail all over the room from the empty picture frame he holds in his hand to the bottom right corner at the other side of the plain colored room. Although he tries his very best to look everywhere but the warm bed, his view always ends up on a slow breathing boy. He walks over to the bed and sits on his side and looks at Carl from behind. As much as he wants to talk to Carl, he prefers Carl to not wake up and have his morning ruined by seeing the man that ruined him in more ways than one.

 

The man that took his innocence away.

The man he loved. Loves.

 

Rick floats his hand over his son’s shoulder and tries to resist the urge to wake, he does succeed. Rick gets up from the bed since he can’t fall back to sleep and his back hurts from sleeping on the floor for the past six days so going back on the floor in another sixteen hours is out of the question. He heads towards the door but stops halfway when he hears shuffling coming from the bed and a sweet, raspy voice from Carl calling out to him. Carl asks him where he’s going, this allows Rick to quickly turn around due to him being incredibly overjoyed to hear his boy’s voice. He explains to him about the supply run and Carl asks why he worked on the plan for six days when he usually works on a supply run plan for a day or two. Not six.  _ What was I supposed to do when you and I weren’t talking? _ Or  _ I had nothing to do, _ Were phrases Rick desperately wanted to tell Carl but his lips and brain currently have different ideas on what to say. He blurts out that the plan needed more careful revision and it had to take more time than usual, as if that makes sense. He asks his son how long he’s been awake. Carl sits up and replies in a soft tone, confessing he’s been awake for probably an hour, maybe a little longer than that. Rick sits back down on the bed, however he no words coming out, none he can think of either. Carl bites the inside of his cheek again, at this point biting the same area of his cheek doesn’t hurt as much as it used to but it does stop him from blurting out his responses. Biting the inside of his cheek is currently helping him not scream out his apology. Embarrassing himself is bad enough but having his dad hold him and accept his apology is even worse. Rick gulps and clenches his jaw. They look at each other. No passion nor love in between their glares, just air and what’s around them and it’s awkward for both of them. Carl lightly taps his fingers on the bed, they don’t know what to do. Rick breaks the silence by requesting Carl come along with him, he then informs his son to meet him at the gate if he does come because they’ll be “leaving in a few.”

 

Rick pats his son’s messy bed head then gives a tiny smile before leaving the room and Carl’s smile disappears as soon as the man left.

Carl lies back down on the bed, ‘in a few’ usually means ‘in about twenty minutes’ so he jumps out of bed and gets dressed. He struggles to find clothes whenever he’s in a rush, always has. He’s looking for his flannel while putting on his shirt and pants proves to be a struggle, the current situation leads him to sweat. Not only because it was a struggle but because he’s nervous. Carl falls to his knees, they hurt but it doesn’t bother him because in front of him is his flannel and his tan jacket. No more than ten minutes later he runs out of the house after trying to pretty himself up. After everything that’s happened, he still tries to look pretty enough for Rick.

 

At the gate, he meets Spencer patiently waiting for the others to get everything ready. He also greets Glenn and Daryl while they’re putting their weapons and empty bags in the back seat of their car. Daryl confronts Carl by interrogating him. Carl explains to them that his dad allowed him to go with them and help the three of them find the resources they need. Daryl speculates but plays along until Rick arrives from Jessie’s house. Daryl makes sure the boy can join by checking in with the leader, who insists Carl go with them. Daryl goes back to the car to talk to Glenn after telling Carl, “It’s all good.” Carl walks up to his dad to say thank you for inviting him but looks behind the man and sees a dejected Jessie heading back inside her home, he then looks back to Rick. His face is flushed and full of guilt and humiliation. Just then Carl connects the dots, he frowns but he does not feel weak like he normally would and instead, he regrets tagging along. He doesn’t bother asking Rick why it took so long for him to arrive at the gate, there’s no point since Carl already knows. Not to mention, Rick would lie. Glenn calls out to Rick, who jogs over to the guys and Carl watches him go. He contemplates going and if it’s too late to back out, even if it wasn’t too late, Carl would never back out.

Glenn and Daryl agree it’s best if they go together so Daryl can keep an eye on Glenn, in case he does or tries anything. Daryl reveals to Glenn they’ll be hitting up a different pharmacy than they planned because it’s too far. However, the closest one is still extensively far although they believe it should have what they need similar to the pharmacy that’s much farther away. Glenn needed this, he needed to be close to someone like a leader so he can grow and let go. Rick is allowing that to happen and so is Daryl, they’re both working together for Glenn. The somewhat thought out plan is for two of the three -now four-  to look around inside and outside the cars around the pharmacy, find and take whatever is useful or will be useful. The other two will look inside the pharmacy and other stores next to it and do the same thing. Look and take what’s useful and will be useful.

It sounds like a simple plan until Glenn goes into detail on what medications they need to find, whether prescription or nonprescription. He reads the names off a list given to him by Denise. There are a few names Daryl won’t remember such as Amoxicillin, he knows what some medications do but it’s the names that he sometimes forgets. There is only so much the mind can remember when words are just words with letters mashed together until the amount of words you hear sound like complete gibberish and mush, as if some random guy decided to put random letters and symbols together and call it day. An irritated Daryl snatches the list out of Glenn’s hands and stuffs it into his pocket. He notifies Glenn that they’ll look for the medications with the list in hand instead of trying to memorize a pile of letters put together. Daryl picks up his crossbow from the top of the car roof and gently places it on the driver's seat while Glenn makes sure everything is loaded up and ready to go, except he’s not exactly ready to go.

 

Today is the day Glenn is finally going to let go. He made a decision to visit Nicholas and tell him how he feels because Glenn will never forgive  him and will never trust him. However, Glenn will also tell him he won’t hurt him again. Glenn is finally ready to let go. He excuses himself by telling the others he will be right back, his excuse was he needed to see Maggie before leaving.

He does see Maggie because he would never lie about her, he loves her too much to ever lie about her. Afterwards, he pays Nicholas a visit. He spots Nicholas walking around the community and under the commands of Deanna, he checks up on the people. The people of Alexandria are friendly to him, pretending nothing bad involving him ever happened but then Glenn shows up. The people are, nevertheless, friendly but the meetings are awkward since the fight hasn’t been forgotten and they don’t want to be a part of another one. Nicholas asks what Glenn wants and if he wants another fight then to leave him alone because Nicholas won’t be a part of another one. Glenn tells him he’s not there to start anything but to end their ongoing fight.

He extends his hand out and a timid Nicholas flinches. Glenn apologizes for reaching out so rapidly and Nicholas also extends his hand out. They shake their hands although Nicholas is still uneasy. The silence between them is brief until Nicholas asks why Glenn called a truce. Glenn assures him the truce is for their own good. He assures Nicholas that he’s done some immoral things and made unfavorable choices but it’s not okay. “I will never forgive you,” Glenn states. “And I will never forget what you’ve done but I can’t change it. What’s done is done and I have to move on,” as Glenn finished speaking, Nicholas relaxes although not as much as he hoped. He expects Glenn to give a longer speech, instead there’s silence and all they can hear between them is Nicholas’ noisy gulp. Nicholas makes it clear they don’t have to cross paths anymore but if they do, they don’t have to be friendly with each other. Glenn refuses the offer, instead he tells Nicholas that it’s better if they both moved on with the situation, be civil with one another and Nicholas agrees. Once again they shake hands, after doing so Glenn heads back to the gate and Nicholas completely relaxes himself. His hands aren’t fists anymore and the his jaw hurts from grinding his teeth during the confrontation. He watches Glenn run back to the gate, he can’t help but start crying. It’s a silent sob but everything feels like the world has started up again then crumbled into pieces. The person who hated him most finally told him everything will be alright but Nicholas didn’t feel alright, the feeling of this weight having been lifted isn’t there, if anything, it’s all worse. His head hurts, his arms are weak and he just about dragged himself back to Deanna’s. Nicholas’ guilt overwhelms him, he hates it. He hates himself and he can’t stand it but he has to live with it and there’s nothing he can do now besides go on living knowing the person he hurt most somewhat forgives him and Nicholas can’t forgive himself.

 

Glenn arrives at the gate and informs everyone he’s ready. They all hop into their cars, Glenn and Daryl in one while Rick and Carl share another old, small, grey car. Spencer is waiting for the signal to open the gates, then he hears the slapping of the steel car coming from Rick’s hand that dangles out the car window. Spencer opens the gate, allowing Glenn and Daryl to take the lead on the road. Inside Rick’s car, Carl says nothing to him and it remains this way for nearly thirty-three minutes. Thirty-three minutes full of radio silence, tapping at the window, pulling down the vanity mirrors to block out the sun, humming a three-minute tune, and Rick’s constant throat clearing. They pass train tracks and an abandoned train, one they plan on searching later on. They also pass small buildings they’ve searched before, some were ransacked before they were able to get there. Carl looks at the walkers they pass, the creatures stare back at the moving vehicle. However, by the time the walkers take four steps, the car’s more than a mile away. It’s getting colder by the minute now but winter goes by faster than a person can blink, that’s why the group don't underestimate the dangers in winter. They do what they need to do as quickly as possible.

Clearing his throat again, Rick begins to irritate Carl, “It’s really nice out here, don’t you think?” The older man asks, he tries to muster up some conversation but he can’t think of what to say. What to bring up or if he should speak at all. Carl gives no words but only a slow nod while he continues to stare out the window with a blank face. Rick asks no further questions but he tries to keep the conversation going. “Been a while since we’ve been out,” he looks at his kid for a second before looking at the road and single car in front of them. Carl gives another slow nod, his mind is there but not fully there. He’s in a different world, not his own. This world is empty and calm, it’s soothing and it’s so soothing, the ability to speak for a few moments has ceased. “I’m trying to talk to you,” Rick looks at his son again. Carl’s eyes are closed, he’s drifting off to sleep. Carl feels calm and peaceful and Rick feels bad for doing this but he lightly punches his son’s arm until Carl is awake. “You with me, Carl?” Carl woefully glances at Rick and asks him how much left, Rick tells him they’re close by. Carl bites his lip, he ponders the reason as to why he decided to tag along and he starts to regret it again. He didn’t want to go, there was no point in doing for him. But he thought being with Rick the entire time would bring him some form of joy, even if that joy was killing walkers and getting bloody with Rick, he would be with him. They say nothing else to each other except for Rick’s humming.

 

They arrive at the pharmacy, Glenn tells Rick and Carl to start searching the nearest car to them so they can look for supplies that were left behind. There aren’t many cars in the area, maybe thirteen minimum, twenty-four being the max amount there are. Rick and Carl separate so they can search each car and make it quick.

Rick looks inside one car, he finds nothing besides a dead rotting corpse with a bullet in his brain. The dead man’s brains were blown out ages ago, probably from the start of the apocalypse. Rick assumes the man shot himself due to the placement of the gun and the bite mark revealed on his other arms wrist. The man never turned and a note is found inside the man’s front pocket on his black and red flannel shirt. Rick reads the note:

  
  


_ Here lies a man who once had a family, friends, and a life until God grew bored, grabbed his toys and left us. There is no God anymore, there never was. Why should we have to pay for his sin. My family is gone. My friends are gone. My life matter no more. I have nothing left, not even my will to live. I was planning on doing this a while ago but I now have the courage thanks to this bite. Goodbye my beautiful wife, Sarah. Goodbye Andrea, my child. Goodbye my friends. Goodbye everyone. Goodbye God. _

__ _ -ANDREW _

  
  


The note left behind upset Carl but it was no time for anyone to mourn someone’s death. Not now, not when there is potential danger all around him. Rick picks up the man’s gun and analyzes it, it’s a Colt M1911A1, .45 caliber handgun. There were no bullets in the chamber. Rick removes the flannel from the corpse, tosses it over his shoulder, then gently lays the corpse on the road away from the car. Rick checks both front seats for anything useful and finds nothing. He then checks the glove box and finds a small container with four bullets left for the gun. After that, he searches the back seats. He locates a large knife, it’s bloody and kind of rusty. Regardless of the rust, he stuffs it into his bag for supplies.

 

Meanwhile, Carl looks through some other cars close to Rick and like Rick, found slim to nothing. Carl releases a heavy sigh then opens a door to a dark red car and sits in the back seat and closing the heavy door behind him. He takes out his red lighter, turns it on and off. Frolicking with it until Rick comes by, quickly opening the door. This frightens Carl to the point he almost pulls out his gun. He lets his guard down with Rick but he wasn’t in the community this time so Rick understands why he reached for his gun, it’s instinct. Rick raises his arms to reveal he isn’t some bad guy nor is he a walker. Carl puts away his lighter and places his hands back on his lap. He stares at Rick, he can’t help it, “You find anything yet?” he asks his dad in a softy gloomy tone. Rick shakes his head, he also asks the same question to Carl, “I’ll give you a hint,” Carl paused, “Starts with an N, ends with an O.”

 

Rick pretends to think this one out, “Let me guess...Nah, I can’t figure this one out, kid.” Carl furrows his brows at the word kid but he shrugs the word away. Carl gives a big smile, as if what Rick said happened to be the funniest thing in the world. He looks out of the window, staring at the other left for dead cars and then at Rick for a brief moment. Carl stuffs his hand into his pocket, reaching for his lighter. He takes it out and flips it with his fingers, back and forth.

 

“Da-” Carl was going to tell Rick he was leaving, for good but his mouth wouldn’t let the words roll off his tongue. He couldn’t muster up the courage to tell Rick, Carl didn’t believe he would ever be able to.

 

Rick wasn’t paying attention to his son for a few seconds so Carl was in the clear. Then Rick spoke, “I ended it with Jessie.” Carl felt his heart sink right into his gut. It felt like his stomach and heart exploded from a harsh punch given to him by the older man a sitting a foot away from him. Suddenly, Carl feels a slap of relief hit him and it’s incredibly overwhelming, he doesn’t know what to do. Rick glances to his side and scoots over to the boy next to him. He wraps his arm around his son then uses his free hand to touch Carl’s wet cheek. He wipes his son’s cheeks dry. He looks at the red lighter lying on the floor next to his shoes. Rick holds him with a tight grip with the arm he wrapped around his son’s shoulders. The hand he used to wipe the tears away, he now uses to hold the boy’s hand to soothe him. “Shhh, it’s okay,” is all Rick says. Carl wants to hug and kiss the older man but he won’t. He can’t. He thinks he forced Rick into breaking up with Jessie and although it is true, it was Rick’s choice to do it. Rick chose to break it off for the boy, he thought it was what’s best. Carl pushes himself away from Rick so he can compose himself without the man he loves. He wipes his own tears away and mumbles an apology to Rick. Rick fights Carl’s hands from shoving him away again and holds Carl tighter than before. “I’m sorry, Carl. I’m sorry I hurt you, I won’t do it again,” his accent thick and speech full of remorse. Carl gulps harshly, he sniffles and breathes through his mouth.

 

“It’s o- It’s not okay, okay? Rick, you’ve hurt me so many many god damn times. How can you be sure you won’t do it again? Like with that girl? I bet you would fuck Daniela, wouldn't you? Any sweet piece of ass comes through those doors and you end up fucking it!” Rick is taken aback by these grating, cruel words coming from his son, coming from the boy he ended it all for.

 

“Enough!” Rick takes a deep breath, “I’ve had enough. Your childish bursts, you’re not ten, Carl. You’re sixteen dammit! Act your fucking age! Oh, and I would not -EVER- fuck a seventeen-year-old, she’s too young,” he scoffs. Carl’s breath hitches and his mouth gaped open.

“YOU FUCKED ME! And guess what? I’m sixteen,” mid-sentence Carl crosses his arm, “she’s too young apparently and I’m not? That makes sense, so much sense.” Rick clenches his jaw, he mumbles the words  _ This is different  _ but it only riles Carl up more, “No it’s not. You know that-” he relaxes himself- ”I’m not saying you had sex with her-”

“Then what? What are you sayin’?”

 

“I don’t...know.”

 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, son. You’re not six, you’re not nine. You’re not twelve! Stop acting like a little kid and act like you’re grown. You’ve been actin like a little kid ever since we got together,” Rick stops for a moment. Saying what he needs to say to the boy he loves, he’s afraid it’ll hurt their relationship but it’s already broken. So he takes the chance and tells Carl what had to be said, “Actin’ as if the world revolves around you, it was cute at first...but now? It’s too much.” Carl’s eyes dart Rick’s existence, he’s embarrassed.  Rick clenches his jaw, it refuses to say anything else. Rick looks at the boy in front of him, he notices how Carl won’t look him in the eyes. Won’t try to look at him. Rick gulps then apologizes to Carl.

 

“Don’t. You’re right, I’ve been acting like a little kid, running around like I own the place. Rick, you shouldn’t have ended it with Jessie...I was jealous and stupid,” Rick raises his eyebrows as if to tell Carl that it’s true, “I wanted you all to myself. I’m selfish-” Carl furrows his brows- “I could have shared.” Carl smiles to himself at the joke he said. It was all too much, a joke lightened the mood only by a little.

 

Rick chuckles, “Share? You? We both know you wouldn’t have been able to share.”

 

Carl leans his head back on the headrest, it’s hard, cold, and uncomfortable, “Yeah. You’re right.” Carl lies down, positioning himself so his head is on Rick’s lap with his knees pointed up. His right leg is propped up on the seat while his other leg dangles off the seat. Rick runs his rough hands in Carl’s cold brown hair, his fingers interlocking with the strands of loose and tangled hair. Rick chews on the inside of his lip, he’s afraid of losing Carl, the only son he has, the only son he’ll ever have and he’s exploiting him. Rick cringes, he feels sick. He removes his hands from the messy hair causing Carl to groan. Rick reluctantly puts his hands back where they were and toys with Carl’s hair again. In less than a minute, Rick is already hypnotized with his son’s beauty. He looks at Carl’s freckles, they’re unnoticeable from far away. When Carl was younger, you could see all of them, count them even but now? You could speak to Carl for twenty-four hours straight and not realize he has freckles. They’re fair and look as if they’ll disappear within a year or less but they’re there. Carl asks why he’s been staring at him for so long, Rick wonders if he’s not allowed to stare at Carl anymore…

 

“Never took the time to notice your freckles. I knew you have them but never have I appreciated them,” Rick smiles showing no teeth. Carl laughs it off, “You’re so pretty, Carl.” He continues playing with his son’s hair. Carl reaches his hand out to touch Rick’s hand. Their fingers interlock with one another, one  is wet with his tears and the other is rugged. Together, they take notice of how unstable their relationship really is. How incredibly immoral it is to be in a relationship -not only a romantic but sexual one at that- is wrong. How, as Gabriel would say, “Sinful” their relationship They take notice but do they care? Very much so but they’re together and alone. They know their relationship is wrong but now they realize how wrong it is, “I love you,” Rick squeezes his son’s hand tight and Carl doesn’t respond but looks deeply into the older man’s blue eyes. Carl blinks rapidly, sits up, his back facing Rick.

 

“I should go check on Glenn and Daryl,” Carl whispers, a crack can be heard in his voice if you paid close enough attention.

Rick clenches his jaw, it hurts. Something about what happened at the moment they shared didn’t seem right to the older man. Rick assumed Carl would say those three words back at him, maybe caress his cheek, or even give him a small peck on the lips yet nothing happened. It seems there was a fourth possibility. As Carl escapes the car, he walks cautiously toward the pharmacy, avoiding the touch of another vehicle. Rick, on the other hand, slowly left the car and looked at it. He stared into red emptiness, his reflection looking back. Glenn hears high pitched dings coming from the door behind him, he looks back and sees Carl looking around while holding his gun. Daryl whistles over to him, Carl hears and puts his weapon away then heads to them. The grown men are crouched over observing, analyzing the full and empty pill bottles. They’re taking their time, it’s better than grabbing whatever and end up with what they don’t need. Daryl grunts, he’s growing more annoyed by the minute since so far, they’ve found nothing but empty pill bottles. He throws the empty pill bottle across the large room. Daryl asks Carl how they’re doing out there and Carl feels uncomfortable. He tells them they’re doing alright and didn’t find much but they’re still working on it.

 

“What’re you doin’ here then? Shouldn’t you be out there helpin’ your dad?” asked Daryl. Carl nods, he informs them that Rick asked him to make sure they were alright, “Well we’re gonna be here a while, China man and I needed some air from home,” he pats Glenn’s back. The two of them laugh at the ‘China man’ joke. Glenn remembers the time when Daryl was an ass to him and how much times have changed, how much they’ve evolved as people and as friends. Carl still feels uncomfortable from the recent question. He tells them he’ll return when they’re ready to leave, Glenn gives a thumbs up as he and Daryl go back to searching for over the medications, later they’ll look behind the counter, searching in ripped and open bags.

 

Back at the cars, Rick kills two walkers with his knife. He struggles to kill both seeing as they snuck up on him, not to mention each were extremely close to biting and scratching him. Carl runs toward him after spotting Rick stab into the rotting corpse brain. By the time Carl caught up with Rick, he was already inside a grey car. Carl enters the car, scoots over quickly next to his father, and asks if he’s okay. Rick says he is but when Carl reaches out to him, Rick shoots his arm away from any contact. He wasn’t bit or scratched, he just didn’t want to be touched at the moment, he did say ‘I love you’ to Carl who, by the way, hesitated to say it back and then left. Rick has the right to shoot his arm away from anyone. Carl asks if he found anything but Rick shakes his head, “I don’t remember killing walkers while tryin’ to siphon some gas bein’ so damn hard,” he gives the air around him a half smile and a chuckle. Carl tilts his head, “I found tubes and a gas tank in another car, I accidentally spilled the leftover gas…I had to siphon it again a few minutes ago before the walkers came along,” he rubs his eyebrows with disappointment. Carl crosses his ankles and slowly places his hand on Rick’s lap, caressing it with his fingertips. Rick leans his head back on the headrest, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath, he leaves his mouth opened just slightly.

 

“I didn’t mean it,” said Carl.

 

Rick, without opening his eyes, raises an eyebrow and asks what Carl means, “I didn’t mean it when I said ‘I hate you.’ I could never, I mean never, hate you.” Carl is filled with gut-wrenching, self-hating shame. He isn’t able to look at his father in the eyes because it hurts too much. Rick informs that he knew he didn’t mean it but it hurt nonetheless. It hurt like a bitch and nothing could change that. With sad eyes, Rick looks at Carl and raises his head from the headrest, “Hurt more when you said you didn’t need me. Remember? Moments after yelling ‘Hey asshole! Hey shithead!’” Carl remembers that day. The 112 ounces of chocolate pudding really did a number on him for a whole weak, it wasn’t pretty and remembering telling Rick he didn’t need him, is incredibly embarrassing.

 

“Do you think we’ll be ready to leave soon?” Rick nods then lies his head on the headrest again.

 

“Soon as we get gas from another car, I don’t think we have enough gas in this car,” the dryness in Rick’s throat increased. Carl stares at Rick like he’s the only one around, the only person that exists in his life. Rick looks back at him and holds his son’s hand, the one that lies on his lap. It’s quiet. “You wanna know somethin’?”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I ended it for you, Carl.” Rick’s voice is gruff, full of hope. “I didn’t love her because I only love you,” He moves as close as possible to Carl, leaving no space in between them. He kisses his son’s forehead. Rick squeezes his hand, the one he’s holding Carl’s hand with. Carl frowns, For me? He asks himself. Why me? That’s impossible. He wonders why -no matter how much Carl wanted Rick to end it with Jessie- Rick would ever go through with it. There’s no point to it at all, at least that’s what he thinks. Maybe Carl is right.

Rick pulls Carl on top of him, he doesn’t fight it. Why would he? It doesn’t feel natural anymore. None of this feels natural anymore. Rick kisses Carl’s cheek, his hands gripping onto Carl’s waist, clinging onto him for dear life. As if his life depends on Carl. Carl doesn’t move his hands, his legs, nothing. He let’s whatever happen, happen. The kiss is light however, Rick deepens it. His grip tightens, it won’t bruise but it sure as hell hurts. One of his travel up his body and onto his neck. His other he uses to unbutton Carl’s pants, which proved to be a struggle. Rick rocks against Carl’s crotch. The faintest touch from Rick causes Carl to moan. Rick can’t help himself but quickly remove Carl’s pants, he was only able to pull them down halfway before smashing his lips on the younger one. Carl wasn’t begging for it, he won’t beg for it anymore. Rick thinks this is out of the ordinary, it’s odd for Carl to not beg for him to fuck his brain out. Rick rubs Carl’s cold thigh and the next kiss is sloppy. He runs both hands up Carl’s back and up to his hair. His fingers tangle up with Carl’s hair, running through it like a chilled meadow in the cold spring. With delicate fingers, Carl caresses Rick’s neck and down to his shoulders. After a minute of both of them gasping in between kisses, Carl interrupts this one to catch his breath, shoving Rick away in order to do so. The kiss ends with heavy breathing and flushed faces, Carl’s being hard and steady. Rick feels nostalgic like it was his first time in a long time, not to mention the adrenaline excited him.

 

On the other hand, Carl feels awkward and nervous. He looks at his father’s lips and kisses them and the older man kisses back. Rick unbuckles his belt, pulling down his pants and unintentionally causes Carl to hit his head on the interior roof of the car as Rick thrusts upwards to pull his pants down from the back. He apologizes, the two of them share a small smile. Both of their pants and underwear are now at their knees. Carl painfully grinds against the older man, giving him a deep passionate kiss. Rick starts by inserting a finger into Carl, slowly. He probes Carl and it hurts. Suddenly, it hurts more than the first time, than ever. Rick inserts another and Carl’s breath is labored. It hurts more by the minute, Rick is going to quick, being too rough. Carl cringes and it shows on his face, “Stop,” Rick doesn’t stop. He didn’t intentionally ignore Carl, he was merely too into the moment. Rick kept probing Carl, forcing his fingers up into Carl’s hole. “Stop, please…”

 

He stops.

 

Rick, with unintentional force, leaves the now empty hole. It stung. He gazes at the body in front of him, the gleaming beauty of his naked teenage son. His breath hitches and Rick apologizes but Carl says nothing. Rick promises Carl he’ll go slow, as to not hurt him anymore. Rick thinks back to six days ago and realizes how right Carl was-is. He lands his hand on the teenager’s ass, massaging it, leading down to Carl’s hole. In less than a few minutes, Rick preps his son’s little hole. Prodding into him ever so slowly, Carl moans and grinds himself on the older man’s fingers. He wants to beg but he won’t. He needs to act his age, so he won’t. Only little kids beg for what they want, grown men take what they are given. Not the best way to view anything but he’s in the moment, can’t think straight. Can’t think at all. Whatever Rick can give him, Carl will take with all his might.

Rick liberates one hand and uses it to get a hold of his dick, it’s leaking with pre-cum. He positions himself and then enters like a theater kid in a play, excited and in a swift move. He thrusts once and Carl begins to whimper, he wants more and the words will eventually roll off his tongue. The begging will eventually begin. He thrusts a second time and Carl is panting. A third time and Carl whines.

 

It’s all too much.

 

The pain is mixed up with emotions and pleasure. The two of them are panting, it all happens so quick. Rick thrusts fast, it shakes the whole car as he holds Carl down by the waist and arm. The sound of slapping skin can be heard outside the car. Rick thrusts rough and fast until he slams himself into the younger one. Carl is thrown forward, catching himself with his palms on Rick’s chest, he accidentally knocks the black and red flannel from Rick’s shoulder. When Carl straightens himself out, Rick slams himself into Carl for the last time, this causes Carl to knock his head on the interior roof. They’re both panting and Carl is annoyed, it’s obvious why.

Rick leans into Carl, kissing his neck and collarbone. His hands rest on the teenager’s thighs. His hands travel up to Carl's hips, squeezing them lightly. Then down to Carl’s ass, squeezing them tightly. Up to his waist, bruising them. Rick’s hands wander around Carl’s back like it’s a sacred place, the holy land. He rests his head on Carl’s shoulder, sneaking kisses here and there. Carl hands, balled into fists, rest on Rick’s chest. His hole has been probed more than once today and it hurt more than once but the man using him was Rick. He’d let Rick do anything to him if it meant keeping him around. It’s troubling. Rick lies his head back on the headrest, keeping Carl on top of him. He sighs and gives a genuine smile, one Carl doesn’t reply to. Rick pulls Carl closer and kisses him one last time for the day. Carl doesn’t kiss back so it makes the kiss wonky and odd. “What’s wrong, Carl?”

 

“Nothing, I just have a headache now,” A lie.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Rick clenches his jaw, he massages the back of Carl’s head.

 

“It’s okay,” another lie.

 

Carl plops back on the seat, pulling his pants and underwear up and Rick’s cum still inside him. Rick’s pants and underwear remain down at his knees, he’s relaxed and tired. “I’m getting old,” a third and final lie of the day. After a few moments of silence, he finally pulls up his pants too, then buckling his belt. He sighs afterward, he hasn’t had sex in six days and he finally got the release he needed and the person who could give it to him was there at the right time. Carl sits silently at his own corner while Rick gazes at him from no more than three feet away, “I meant what I said. I wasn’t lying when I said I ended it for you.” Carl holds Rick’s hand. Their hands land in the middle seat while Carl looks out the window, too embarrassed to look anywhere near or at Rick, it’s overwhelming. “I love you, you know that, right?”

 

Carl’s “Mhmm,” is quiet, it goes unnoticed.

 

“Carl...please, say something.”

 

“I know and I-I love you too,” Carl bites his lip, still not looking at or near Rick.

 

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, it was never intentional. I shouldn’t have cheated on you with Jessie-”

 

Carl scoffs, “You cheated on her with me.” Rick gulps and so does Carl. Carl hesitates to tell Rick, was it the time? Should he tell Rick? Probably not yet, he does, “I’m leaving you.”

 

Rick’s heart sinks. His entire world comes crashing down, “What?”

 

“I’m leaving you and Alexandria. I leaving everyone.” Carl grits out, his teeth don’t let him open his mouth. Carl is upset and telling Rick doesn’t help their situation.

 

“What?” It’s so unbelievable Rick isn’t able to comprehend the words escaping the teenager’s mouth.

 

“I-Forget what I was saying. It came out wrong, I didn’t mean-”

 

“You’re leaving when? You’re just going to get up and leave Alexandria just like that? WHY!?” Rick is angry, upset, and confused. He tries to comprehend everything but nothing is happening in his mind besides the pure rage and confusion circling inside. “I tell you I love you and you say you’re leaving.” He looks at the ground, at his shoes, and at his Carl. He’s blinking rapidly, his breath laboring.

 

“I-”

 

“You claim I hurt you and ruin you but what about me? Do you care about me at all?” Tears clog his eyes, blurring his vision until they fall like a swift stream.

 

“I DO! I love you!” Carl blurts out, not wanting Rick to get the wrong idea.

 

“Dammit, Carl!” Rick’s angry. He leaves the car and slams it shut, he looks at the red gas tank, it’s almost full. He positions the tube upwards so gravity can do its thing and then removes the tubes, finally closing the tank of the car and the tank he holds in his hands. He carries it to the car he and Carl took to get to the pharmacy and stored it in the trunk. Carl follows. As the trunk slams, Carl catches up and pulls on Rick’s shirt.  He keeps pulling and calling out to him until Rick pays attention. Rick stops walking away, turns, and faces Carl. Carl has everything to say yet says nothing, he gives a blank stare and nothing but empty escapes his lips.

Rick scoffs.

“Carl, if you want to leave, fine. Be my guest. I don’t know what it is you want any more,” Rick sarcastically chuckles, “You say you want me to end it with Jessie and then you don’t. You say you love me, you hate me, and apparently, you love me again. What is it, Carl? Make up your mind! You’re not a little kid anymore!”

 

Carl bites the inside of his cheek, what is he supposed to say?


	14. Say it again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short compared to the others. I apologize.
> 
> I tried rediting this chapter but each edit seemed worse than the last so I had to tone it down a bit with the re-editing of this chapter so I apologize for the load of commas and grammer mistakes and so on.

They're all back in Alexandria, they've been back for more than a few hours and they are all tired. Now that they're back, Rick goes over to Deanna's house after spending time alone near a wall far away from his house because sometimes alone time is all a person needs. When he arrives at Deanna's house, Nicholas answers and Rick sees Nicholas has an overloaded heavy bag hanging over his shoulder. Nicholas tracks Rick's gaze, "I was just on my way out, going back home for good." Rick remembers that Nicholas is staying at Deanna's until the situation with him and Glenn is over and it seems that way to Rick. "Deanna will be here soon," Nicholas leaves, leaving the front door open behind him. Rick closes it and sits on the couch, he waits for Deanna to arrive.

He's been waiting for over ten minutes until Deanna finally arrived after speaking with father Gabriel and Reg about what they can do for the community. She walks into the house and is surprised to see Rick standing in front of the couch, waiting for her. She then asks what he's doing there and Rick takes a deep breath. Carl reveals he went by Jessie's to tell her their relationship is over and it'll never happen again nor will he continue it. Deanna is happy to hear although she can't manage anything but feel guilty about it but brushes it off. Rick asks if the situation with Glenn and Nicholas is officially over and resolved since he saw Nicholas leaving, Deanna nods happily in return. Rick frowns noticeably. He comes to the realization that he never had to break it off with Jessie in order for the situation with Glenn and Nicholas to be over. "It's good to hear," he says. Deanna informs Rick that she has work to do, that her day is completely full of gardening. Confused, Rick asks why gardening is on her agenda for an entire day. She replies with a quick statement: For the community. Rick takes a moment to think about it then says he might join her one day.

"Could be good for a change," says Deanna.

"What do you mean by that?"

Deanna cocks her head as if she thinks Rick really is that oblivious to himself. "You're always so stressed - sometimes for no reason. Like you've got somethin' to hide." she crosses his arms, "You've got somethin' to hide?" Rick agrees with the stressed part but he doesn't tell her what the 'no reason' is. In a slightly panicked tone his voice rises.

Nothin'. I've got nothin' to hide."

Deanna shakes her head, "It was a joke! You're so serious all the time," she uncrosses her arms, "Look-if you've got somethin' to hide that stays with you. Unless it hurts the community in any way, we've got a problem but other than that, it's fine." Rick clears his throat, it's rough and painful and most definitely subtle although Deanna pays no attention to it. Deanna tells him to meet him next to the church since that's where the garden will be in case he will come.

He gulps.

He was hoping to get something sweet from Carl behind the church once again but those plans may be over for good and he's sure Carl will take it the same way Rick is. He nods, telling her he'll be there for sure. "Don't you think it's a bit cold for flowers or whatever it is we're growin'?" He desperately hopes his plans won't be ruined.

"It's never too cold to do anything," she makes it clear by not wearing a jacket. She's noticeably shaking but she insists the work will warm her up.

 

Rick shakes his head with disagreement but goes with it, "Yes ma'am" he gives an awkward half smile. "Guess I'll go get my Carl and meet you at the church," he turns to leave and they part ways, each going to their desired location.

Rick enters his house and stops halfway up the stairs. He remembers that he and his son weren't talking on the way back to Alexandria. On the way back Carl didn't bother looking at him because Rick insulted him. Called him a 'stupid little kid.' It surprisingly hurt Carl more than anything anyone has ever said to him. In total honesty, it wasn't what Rick said but how he said it with a loud raspy voice, his accent thick with hatred, eyes full of anger, and a flared nose. It hurt seeing Rick say those words with force and meaning it. Rick slows his pace up the stairs, his giddy attitude disappears as he arrives at his room door. Slowly walking in, he sees Carl lying down on the bed face first. Carl's breathing is slow and steady. The room is cold, quiet, and Carl's breathing can't be heard and it worries Rick. From head to toe, Carl is hugged by blankets. Rick pokes his shoulder, "Carl, you awake?" Carl groans and shrugs his dad's hands off of him.

"Go away," the sleepy teenager mumbles.

Rick licks his lips. "Come on, son." Carl turns to face the man and they say nothing to each other but stare. Empty eyes meeting glazy red eyes. "You're comin' with me to the church" Rick blurts out.

"Why?" Carl smirks, "So I can suck you off again?" Rick is full of shock. He's taken aback and he isn't sure how to react.

"Dammit, Carl!" Rick pulls the covers off the boy with full force revealing Carl's slim body covered in nothing but his underwear. Rick raises his voice, "You're comin' with me whether you like it or not. I expect no sass comin' from that mouth of yours. Now let's go." He places his hands on his hips, still gripping onto the covers. Carl gets up from the bed and gets dressed,  
putting on the clothes he wore hours before.

"Enjoying the show there, dad?" Rick holds in his laughter due to the snarky remark.

"Hurry up, will ya?" Carl hurries up, he's tired and annoyed. Rick hurt him and he isn't willing to forgive him. If Rick really doesn't care about him leaving then that's fine with him. Why should Rick care? It's not like Carl is his lover and son at the same time. Not like Carl loves him with all his heart and soul and would do absolutely anything for him. Not like Carl would risk his life for the man who took his innocence. Rick holds out his hand so Carl can hold it on the way out of the house, however, Carl stares at it for a few seconds and refuses the hand. Instead of going downstairs hand in hand, they walk down the stairs side by side. "Hold my hand," Rick commands.

Rosy cheeks and a flushed face give away how Carl is feeling right now. "What, are you trying to embarrass me now?" Carl hates this, hates him and loves him.

"Seeing how you're actin' right now, I am." Rick lightly shakes his hand to bring attention to it and Carl unwillingly holds it.

Outside Daryl and Aaron can be seen walking together side by side with Eric in the middle of them. Carl spots Eric laughing at a joke that Daryl made and the two men at the end share glistening smiles. Carl thinks they're all good pals until Daryl wraps his arm on the other two, his fingers graze the back of Aaron's neck making both of them blush. It's so out of character for Daryl to blush even a tiny bit that it leads Carl to come to a conclusion that Aaron and Daryl are a thing, somewhat. There's a small possibility that Eric is in on it until the oblivious Eric says, "Honey, you're so red! It really is cold out." Eric gives Aaron his scarf and Carl takes it upon himself to not say anything to Eric about the secret relationship. Carl would never tell, it'd make him a hypocrite of some sort. Carl grows jealous at how Aaron and Daryl look so comfortable with each other, going so far as touching one another with someone else present. It makes his stomach churn and he hates it.

"What are you starin' at?" Rick looks at the area his son was gazing at and spots Eric and Daryl laughing so hard it hurts their stomach. Rick smiles at the sight of content friends.

"Nothing."

Rick tightens his grip on his son's hand and pulls him. On the way there Carl puts his head down. "This is embarrassing," he looks around to see who's watching and he's glad no one is around them at the moment except for Toby sitting on the porch, reading a book, and eating a peach. If Ron or Enid where to see, they would make fun of him for ages although he would go along with it.

Rick snarkily smiles to him, "I don't care."

Rick plays with his son's hand, allowing for Carl to get more comfortable with hand holding. They haven't held hands in a long time. From the moment Carl went into fourth grade, he chose to end his hand holding days with his dad due to a girl he had a crush on called him 'gay.' He realizes the girl was only half wrong. Rick loosens his grip and Carl tangles his fingers with Rick's and tightening their hand holding so now it does seem that Carl is becoming more comfortable.  
At the garden, Deanna sees them holding hands. She questions them and he informs her that Carl angered which led him to believe his only choice of action was to publicly embarrass him. Both Rick and Carl know it's more than that, Rick is trying to apologize to Carl without saying it and it's a terrible way to apologize. Deanna nods while cleaning her hands with a somewhat dirty white rag. She looks at Carl and asks him why Rick was so angry at him for. Rick implies that Carl talked back in a cruel way but that's not it at all, "I see," she says slowly. Deanna tells Rick to keep his boy on track and he's doing right by showing him who's boss. Carl hides his rolling eyes by hiding behind his dad bringing their hands between them and they subtly fiddle with each other's palms and fingers. Deanna turns to face the garden, she announces the pre-flower area. She shows them by stretching out her arm and waving it behind her. The garden so far is only dirt and holes dug into it to plant seeds. Deanna goes down on her knees then asks the other two to follow. Rick gets down on his knees, looks up at Carl, and gives him a glare. 

"On your knees son," demands Rick. Carl bites the inside of his cheek and does as told, still holding each other's hand. After a few minutes, Deanna gets up again to head over to a new guest. She greets Pete, his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets. Pete tells Deanna that Ron wanted to spend a day with his mother since she hasn't been feeling too well. Deanna tells them Toby and Maggie will come by later but Carol isn't able to attend since she and Enid have a whole day planned of who knows what. In reality, Carol didn't want to attend and still does not. Toby, on the other hand, might come by after finishing reading his book.

The three guests gather around Deanna as she explains the process of gardening she explains how the community needs something to focus on even if that'll take months. The community rarely has anything to do and Arcades don't seem to work nowadays, not only that but there's not much to do but survive and being stuck in a gated community during an apocalypse doesn't bring much entertainment. Movie theatres are out of the question and anything electronic will likely not work unless it requires batteries, although they're not so hard to come by. Frankly, adults (like always) sometimes assume they're too good for anything child-like, for example, Comic Books. Carl knows he doesn't have much to do these days besides having a bang session with his father and maybe-just maybe-bang Jesus/ He knows the entire community doesn't have much to do and gardening will only bring them more despair despite how relaxing gardening can truly be. Similar to yoga and exercise in general, the end result is fascinating but the work put into it is not normally as fun. So Carl suggests they throw another party, besides what's the worst that can happen? Deanna questions him, asking him why he thinks having another party is so such a good idea. "People need something to look forward to now and then," he's not wrong. Most of the people in the community are either losing faith in the world, themselves, their religion, or each other.

"I like the way you think, kid. I just might throw another one today." Sure it'll take some planning but seeing as it won't be a big community apocalypse party then it's more of a get-together. Pete continues to stare at Carl as the boy smiles to himself, proud of being praised. Pete stares at the continuous hand-holding, it's aggravating and disgusting to him. In the wife beater's mind, not only is it horrifying but it is a sin, something the Lord looks down upon. Deanna faces away to gaze in awe at her dirt garden.

"Little old to be holding your pops hand," mumbles Pete, trying to get Carl's attention but it's only loud enough for Rick to hear while the other two focus on the dirt garden. Pete raises an eyebrow and gets close to Carl because of his need to protect him from the man he thinks is a monster and yet he can't protect his own son from himself, it's sad really. Carl comes back from being a few feet away, resuming the hand holding. Deanna looks back to see Pete eyeing Rick with hatred. His eyes trail downwards to the sinful hands tangled with one another. The fingers interlocked so tightly that you'd be afraid to yank one person away because you'd take the arm of the other with them.

Deanna gives a subtle side-eye roll, "Pete, a little hand-holding never killed anyone!" She forces out a laugh, "It's nice to see a father and son bond, we don't see that as much now." Pete knows it's not just bonding they're doing, he knows it's more than hand holding. More than the waist grazings and longing looks. It's so much more, it's disgusting, and they know it. Deanna comes towards them, handing each two seeds so they can plant their own flowers, then gives them a watering can to share. She's kind of glad others didn't show up because Pete and Rick need to figure out their conflict, whatever that could be. Deanna decides not to go further into it because it's clear it has nothing to do with Jessie. Deanna turns her back, continuing to talk about the garden and the party and what they can do.

Carl shakes free of Rick's grip in order to push the dirt back into its place and waters his two areas and Rick does the same. As Deanna goes on, the two adult guests still don't listen. Pete pulls Rick back from the loud-voice-hearing distance and lowly demands Rick refuses to hold Carl's hand because it's weird to be doing something so intimate when his kid is more than old enough to do something like that and Pete compares it to giving a peck on the cheek to a family member as a greeting. Rick shakes free of Pete's grip, "What happened to you leaving this alone?"

Pete backs off for a few seconds, remembering what he told Rick. He takes a deep breath in order to confront Rick, "That was then, this is now. I know what you do with that boy of yours-" Pete points at the teenager sitting near the dirt garden, listening to Deanna speech on flowers and how they help the world one at a time-"it's wrong. You're abusing him." Rick is taken aback and claims he isn't doing anything wrong to Carl but even Rick doesn't believe that. "Don't believe him? Why don't you ask him yourself then." Rick laughs to himself, he believes there's no point in asking someone who knows they're not being hurt. However, he wants to be sure he isn't hurting his one and only son. He looks over at Carl, who's smiling back at him with cherry cheeks and a cutesy smile. Rick beckons the boy with his pointing finger and Carl comes speed walking after telling Deanna he'll be right back.

Rick looks at Carl's lips and eyes, "You think I'm hurtin' you?" Somewhat straight to the point.  
Carl looks at Pete then back at Rick and gives a stern 'no,' in return.

"I said abusing not hurting," Pete rolls his eyes, "You probably got that boy wrapped around your finger." He looks at Carl, " got you believing you're in love with him." The sneer across the accuser's face stings Carl right where it hurts most. "I bet you force him."

Rick's nose flares, cheeks, and nose turn red with fury. "Son-" he turns to face Carl-"am I 'abusing' you?" Carl is nervous, he doesn't know how to act. But, he does know Pete knows about them and it's incredibly awkward having another person know about their business.

"No," he says. He's not sure how to act around the two adults at the moment. Pete then tells him if there is anything he needs, absolutely anything then he will be there to help him. Pete pokes at Rick's chest, tells him that he knows he's forcing Carl into the relationship and he has the right to believe something so extreme. Anyone would believe Carl is being forced into the relationship but the truth is, he isn't being forced into anything. Rick moves in front of Carl afterward demands Pete move along with his day and take his assumptions with him.  
Pete is angry and his only choice of action in his mind is to grab Carl and try to help him in some way. "Listen, Kid. I don't know what your dad has been doing to you but it ain't right. I know he's forcing you to do things you shouldn't be doing and he's hurting you in more ways than one-" Pete would continue if it weren't for Carl snapping.

"Rick isn't doing anything to me and he's not making me do anything I don't want to do. Now, back off," he shakes his arm loose from Pete's grip. Pete freezes then slap a hand over his mouth, muffling a noise. Pete is not sure how far into the void Rick has shoved him in. He's not sure how much the kid has been manipulated. Pete slowly leans in a hand to pat Carl on the shoulder and walks away to speak to Deanna. Carl follows him. grabs his shoulder and flips him around. "As I said, my dad isn't making me do anything I don't wanna do." Pete is confused and comes to the realization that Carl likes doing what he and Rick do, why else would they allow for their relationship to continue? They both gulp and Pete shakes his head frantically, he takes two steps back as he watches Rick place an arm over his son's shoulder. Pete speed walks to Deanna, tapping her shoulder. She turns around, escaping her trance on the dirt garden and Pete's small mouth is open. He wants to say something but the words won't leave, they're holding on tight to the tip of his tongue. Pete looks back at the two lovers, he has the chance to rat them out but it's like he can't. As if there is a barrier between him and Deanna stopping him from doing anything. The two lovers stand there alone, unaffected with his decision. Carl holds on tightly onto the back of his lover's shirt and Rick placing the palm of his hand onto the edge of his son's shoulder, squeezing it. Pete looks back at Deanna and asks her when the party will start.

"Sunset. It'll be beautiful," Pete nods. "and spread the word," she adds. Pete leaves the area and spreads the word to a few people and they do the rest.m Afterwards, he goes back to his home because he needs more than a single drink. Deanna demands the two of them go home and get ready for the party by dressing up a little. They do exactly that and they've never been so relieved to be excused.

Walking back to the house, side by side, and only a few feet apart, Rick and Carl chat about the simplest of things. Carl takes this chance to ask his father if they can stay home instead of actually going to the party but Rick claims it’ll be weird if they don’t go after all that’s happened today. Hand holding and suddenly staying home alone together in the same room can be taken as a little off and Carl agrees with this. “You think-” Carl scratches his nose-”you think the girl will be there?” The question was meant to be something else about what they’ll wear but it felt off to ask something so vulgar at the moment. So asking the question about Daniela arriving at the party slipped out from the back of his mind, he didn’t mean to ask but the girl would be there and something feels off about her.

“Who are you talking about?” Rick asks, genuinely confused.

“The girl in the infirmary.”

“Does it matter if she comes?” He almost forgot Daniela was a part of the community and that she existed in general. To Rick, as long as Carl is around, no one else matters. As long as he has his Carl, no one else matters. Carl shrugs, “You think she’ll steal me away,” that wasn’t it at all (that’s what Carl thinks at least) but he goes with it anyway. Rick sticks out his hand for Carl to hold as they lean closer to each other, arms and shoulders brushing against one another for the public to see. A risk they’ll willing to take, normally they wouldn’t but after winning the battle with Pete just a few minutes ago, it felt right. Only two people saw them walking a little too close but like Deanna, assumed it was a little father-son bonding or simply couldn’t see Carl’s face and thought it was a girl.

The couple arrives at their house, inside they rush up the stairs and into their room, giddy and pumped full of lust. The air doesn’t suffocate them rather they suffocate the air with the sexual tension pushing past the bedroom door, falling onto the bed in a steamy make-out session of only moans, hand holding, and deep kisses. With the door open, the two of them don’t go any further like they usually would. Instead, they lie on the bed with Carl sitting on top of Rick and his shins pressed against the mattress. Rick holding onto Carl’s thighs and neck, groping the teen’s body with care. The inaudible whispers fade into the air around them, muffled into the bed sheets, or gasped out in a surprising manner. Simple, sweet touches spread around each body part by rough hands and mildly soft fingers. The kisses are intimate and breathtakingly dry yet so exquisite, the moment for both of them is right, it’s perfect. No sex, no humping, just pure kissing with sweet words whispered to one another.

Everything fades as it’s just the two of them together, alone in a locked room. Covered with bed sheets, jackets on the floor, and fingers interlocked in the hair of the other. The two of them are gasping, panting into one another. Carl whispers sweet nothings into his lover’s ear, telling him how happy he is with someone like him. Rick’s mouth slightly gaped open, eyes closed, and holding onto his son’s waist. Everything is so clear to them and nothing will change the way they feel for each other and they exchange soft-spoken, almost inaudible words: I love you.  
“Say it again.”

“I love you,” Rick repeats  
He means it and they both know it.


	15. Discontinued

i've lost interest in continuing this fanfic.

I finished the remaining chapters but I don't like how each ends and how I ended the story. At the moment I am discontinuing this fanfic for a while BUT I will return with better chapters later on after I work on a different fic. 

For the moment, I will work on a different fanfic that isn't walking dead related.

Have a wonderful day, week, month, and year. Thank you for reading but stay tuned for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't the end of the fic but I am stopping for a bit.


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